Disrespectful 4 year old

[VixLyon]

I'm at a loss on how to deal with my daughter as she just laughs when I explain why her behaviour is bad, try to make her stay in room as a time out etc. If I withhold privileges like TV, dessert, a toy etc she whines for a minute and then stops as deep down she doesn't really care about much. She says rude things to me that are probably all the rage with her friends at school (bogey face). I don't mind her doing silly things, after all, she's a kid, but I want to be able to deal with consequences efficiently. I was always a bit scared of my parents and she isn't. Now this behaviour is starting at her circus class - until now she's always been an angel (quite shy really) at school, with grandparents etc.

I'm scared that the disrespect will get worse and worse and spill over to school.

To be honest, it sounds like you've fallen into the trap of making a mountain out of a molehill about every teeny tiny thing and now your daughter has grown so used to being punished that she just doesn't care anymore.

You massively need to reset your expectations. She's 4. If she calls you a bogey face, you laugh and say something silly in return. Stop escalating.

I agree with pp.

All this constant punishment is doing is teaching her that she's a Bad Kid, and pretty soon she'll accept that as her identity and stop trying to do better. Maybe reach out to your HV for some advice and info on parenting classes?

She sounds like a typical silly 4 year old. I wouldn't want my children to be scared of me either, thats pretty awful. I think you need to lighten up a bit.

Well children should never be scared of their parents. That’s wrong. For things like bogey face if I didn’t like it I would just say ‘how silly’ and turn away, giving it no attention.

Outside of that maybe a reward chart or praise for sensible behaviour while ignoring any silly behaviour, rather than turning it into a fight for who will ‘win.’ Other than that normal consequences. Oh you won’t put your shoes on? Guess we can’t stop at the park since we won’t have time. You’re messing around at dinner? We won’t have any time to paint now if you’re still doing this since it will be time for bed etc.

If you have Instagram OP I would recommend following 'big little feelings'

It's deeply unrealistic to expect a 4 year old to be 'respectful', in my opinion. Read The Explosive Child, learn about collaborative and proactive solutions. Time outs, sanctions, rewards etc have only ever made behaviour worse for most kids I know, and eroded their relationship with their parents.