Feeling overwhelmed

[mummybear1994]

Hi, I feel completely overwhelmed. I have been working a four day week (compressed hours) since September. I work 36 hours a week Mon-Thursday. I work for an hour in the morning before the school run, work 8.30am -3pm, then work until 5pm once u have got home.
I make the children breakfast around my work on a morning and then do the school run.
After work at 3pm, I do the school run, then chat with the kids, sort them with a snack, make packed lunches for me and my fella and the kids, work until 5pm, then make the kids some tea. Then wash up and have a chat with them over tea. Then cook my partner and I tea at about 6.15pm for when he gets home at 6.45pm/7pm. Then he washes up. I then spend some time with the children and have a shower before settling down at 8.30pm.
This obviously doesn't include any meltdowns or issues with the children . My son suffers with anxiety and we think he is on the autistic spectrum (currently undergoing assessment).
It's just all too much.
Do I go back to working 5 days and just work 8.30am - 3pm instead?
I feel like a rubbish parent. My fella came home yesterday and pointed out that my son hadn't folded his uniform and out it away yet he was watching tv. I didn't know he was watching tv I was too busy making the second round of tea. I also said that he had given me backchat earlier and he said why did he get his tv then. Like I said I didn't know he was even watching tv. Then he said why wasn't his out of his school uniform as soon as he got home and I said I got busy on a work call.
Feel like I am failing massively as a parent.

are all school runs your responsibility?
sounds pretty normal tbh- what do you do on the non working day?
what about utilising breakfast/ afternoon school clubs to gain you some time?

I do all the school runs, get the children sorted by myself as my fella leaves the house at 7am and gets home for 7pm.
I have Fridays off with him.
He points out everything that has been done/hasn't been done when he gets home. He says he is trying to be helpful or maybe it's because I hadn't realised that my son hadn't done all his chores, but I feel like I have done so much, somethings have to slip.
My daughter is very well behaved but I had to get her to tidy her room on Monday as it was a tip.
I just feel really stressed. I don't think pointing out everything that hasn't been done helps when my fella isn't here to help out. Working at home and looking after the children plus cooking two meals is really hard.
My fella used to work 7am-5pm, so well all had tea together and it was much easier. Don't think he realises how hard it is, as he doesn't see it.
He said that the children wouldn't play up if he was working from home though but they do play up for me.
I felt criticised and useless.

Ok to the issue is your partner!
most people who work part time use their day off for chores and getting on top of things. He is their dad?

How many hours does your DP work? What else does he do with the DC and the stuff of domestic life other than washing up?

I’d stop working before the school run in the morning and add that hour to your evening, finishing at 6pm, if you want to keep your day off. And dinner for your DP will just be later and he might need to take turns cooling it.

Why did you both change your hours to get time off together once a week?

And how come that hours change is all in his favour and not at all in yours? He’s out more and does far less at home and criticises. Not fair at all. Swap back to 5 days.

My fella works 35 hours a week but his commute is about 50 mins. So he leaves the house at 7am and gets back for about 6.45pm.
They are not his children. His kids are 17 and 18 and they live with their mum.
He does the washing up and the bins, dishwasher and recycling. He offers to help sort the washing and he does Hoover occasionally.
I went down to a four day week to have Fridays off to do the chores and then the afternoon for some "me time" either Netflix indulge for a couple of hours or coffee with mummy friends.
He then joined me from December for Fridays off, but he never wants to do chores. I do save most chores until the weekend. Just need to cook and go packed lunches Mon-Thursday.
Finding work life balance very hard and my job is pretty stressful, so trying to do a proposal when the kids are home and the client needs it by 5pm can be challenging, so I don't always check the kids are in their pjs before tea or that uniform is washed/put away etc.
He said he wasn't criticising me when he told me what had it hadn't been done. But I felt useless when I knew he was right that if he was wfh my son wouldn't play up. They also wouldn't go chat to him. They both like to tell me about their days when they get home so I don't work for the first thirty mins to allow time for them. It's a massive juggling act.
He has offered to cook pizza and chips when he gets in on a Monday, as I take my son to football from 5.30pm-6.30pm so my fella can be back before me and has a shower etc and outs the oven on, so when I was getting back I had tea to make. He has now offered to cook that meal in the week. I do a chilli con carne each Wednesday for tea so it's in the slow cooker then cooking only once.
Just can't help feeling that since coming back off holiday I really don't like my routine. Maybe it's just shock to the system after being away from it all and having no stress. But the situation doesn't seem right. I would love to just go to work and come home to a cooked meal and all I have to do is wash up and have a shower. He doesn't see why I am stressed.

You have the worst of both worlds. You are doing the school run/childcare and working full time. You’ve fallen into the I can have it all trap which is really I can do it all. You need to either reduce your hours or get childcare or a combination of both. Can you use a childminder a couple of days a week?

Stop cooking twice. Do it once and then reheat

I'm not at all convinced that anyone can realistically work from home and supervise kids at the same time. I think you can only leave them to their own devices and then deal with things like uniform being put away after work. Would an after school club help?

I really wouldn’t use a whole day off to spend with my partner and have my wkend with my children swamped with chores. Go back to the original set up

It's really a struggle. I think that my fella is making suggestions but not really understanding the whole situation as he isn't there; then telling me how he would do things. Very easy to be objective.
This morning my son had a meltdown because an all day cricket event was cancelled just as we were about to set off. He doesn't react well to last min change, so had to get him into his school uniform from his pe kit and reassure him all would be ok at school.
Think what my kids find hard is that they keep their rooms clean (how I like it to be) and his older son has a pig sty of a bedroom, which whenever I complain about my fella says what were you doing in my son's bedroom and when I say the kids have his his son's room, he says why were they in his bedroom (his son's room is downstairs at the back of the house so no need to go in there really apart from to Hoover and put washing away etc).
My kids are ten and twelve. I just have found this week extra hard trying to get back into routine, form being on holiday and the kids are having a tough time adjusting to the old routine after their holiday too so it just feels like extra work and we are all tired. It's like nailing jelly to the wall.
We can't afford extra childcare. So just feeling stressed and trying to juggle. Just feel I have drawn the short straw!
Will go back to chores on Friday mornings. If we have time, spend some time as a couple and keep weekends free for the kids. Feel that he doesn't want to do that as his kids are older and don't want to spend time with him much anyway-sad but true. Different with my two.

I don't see much of care and love by your partner neither towards you or your kids. Is it worth it?

He doesn't do much with the children and takes his bat and ball home if he spends a full day with my son and then my son has a meltdown at the end of the day.
When I spoke to my fella about how I felt last night he just looked annoyed. He made some suggestions about work can go on hold until the next day, but this week I have had deadlines of 5pm. He suggested trying to make one dinner and not two. He suggested leaving the washing until the weekend. He is desperate to keep his Friday off. He doesn't understand my unhappiness.
I kept saying I have come out of the rat run and now find this full on routine really hard and tiring! He just looked more and more annoyed rather than supportive. I cried and he asked why. He didn't offer a hug, just shut down. Think he feels I am being pathetic. I felt like a rubbish mum not knowing what my son had or hadn't done last night and him reporting to me and then saying what my son would and wouldn't do with him
And how to discipline him etc. it's so easy to parent from a distance. When his kids were growing up he had them 3 nights a week and now only sees them every other weekend. My kids dad doesn't see them at all. It's hard work.

I wonder if he feels he's done his time with raising children and doesn't really want to do it again to be honest.