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Parenting

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How do I cope with my 4 year olds behaviour - shared parenting

1 reply

Cluelessat32 · 07/06/2022 07:55

My daughter has just returned from a week away on holiday with her Dad and grandparents. I have heard nothing but amazing reports about how she has been.

I've missed her desperately, and was so excited to see her. However this last weekend has been really tough. After apparently behaving impeccably last week she has come home and done little more than shout at me and hit me with whatever is closest.

We go through phases of hitting, and generally it stops as rapidly as it starts. I endeavour to be calm and gentle, whilst being clear her behaviour isn't ok. I try very hard to understand she is behaving that way for a reason that neither of us really understand. However I get the feeling I'm the only person she does this with. I have shared custody with her Dad, and we share a 4/3 night split. When I asked him of she does this with him, he just said she tried it with him once and he 'really told her off and she hasn't done it again'.

I try really hard but I cannot help but worry that this is a reflection on me and my parenting and my relationship with my daughter as compared with anyone else. I have worked immensely hard on my confidence and personal issues after an abusive marriage and challenging childhood. But my biggest fear is that I'm a bad parent and repeating history and doing an awful job. Any advice and help would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
Confusedbyactions · 07/06/2022 08:41

My daughter did and still does this to her mum to some extent, a 5min tantrum with me alone can be 30mins with her mum or when we are together. I noticed we react differently to her tantrums. Sometimes I think it is a boundary and attention issue. When she has a tantrum she knows she doesn't get a reaction as much as she does from her mum. Any attention good or bad seems to prolong a tantrum. You are not a bad parent for caring or reaching out and I bet she does have tantrums with her dad who may view it differently. It may help to ignore them, react differently, sometimes talking to your daughter about something unrelated to her behaviour works for me. Patience is key.

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