Newborn sleep

[TiredMommy93]

Hi, my baby is 4 weeks old and I'm tired. So so tired. When do babies start sleeping longer stretches? Or even learn to sleep in their crib and not always close to us.
Any tips to help baby sleep?
I've been told one can't die of sleep deprivation but I'm not so sure anymore. Please help me survive...

I wish I had some magic advice for you but mine did (briefly) do 3 hour stretches for at most a couple of weeks and then it was a good few months before she did it again 😭 didn't drop any night feeds until 11/12 months, started sleeping through occasionally 14 months.

I did bed share (safely) which allowed me some better rest, but it's not for everyone and definitely don't do it if you or partner smokes/drinks etc. The Lullaby Trust has info on safe bed sharing

If this goes on for the rest of his first year I won't make it

My first son was a bad sleeper, in the daytime he would only sleep for 30 minutes and at night he only slept 1 am to 5 am. He did get better at 6 weeks old, by then we’d got into a better routine. I also started taking him out for walks in pram and this got him to sleep longer, it also helped me to get out. The evenings were bad, baby just wouldn’t settle. My MIL used to come round after she finished work, which was a godsend, I could have a bath and a nap, sleep deprivation is the absolute worst.

How long is a piece of string? Some babies will start to reliably sleep longer stretches a few weeks in and some won't. There is no one answer people can give you.

The only thing you can do is try to maximise your sleep until your baby's sleep starts to lengthen and regulate, everything they're doing now is completely normal I'm afraid. Sleep in shifts with your partner if you have one, co sleep if you're able to safely, whatever you need to do to make the most of your situation.

You can't change your baby, you can only change your response to the situation.

Also, and you probably won't believe me yet, but you just get used to shit sleep. Once my baby started sleeping through for a few months we had a night of teething related shit sleep that wasn't as bad as our usual bad nights when he was younger, and I felt absolutely dead. But yet used to do it every day for months! Your body and mind just adjust.

This is how my baby's sleep was, to give you an idea of how non-linear it can be:

0-2 months- normal newborn shit
2-4 months- absolutely fucking awful. Only slept on one of us for all day and night sleep.
4-6 months- slightly less shit. Started cat naps in buggy and crib
6-8 months- slept through. Every night.
8-10 months- shit. Awake a lot each night
10-12 months- absolutely fucking awful, would be awake for 4+ hours each night
12-18 months (now)- slept through every night except 2 when he was teething. Naps for 2 hours in his cot or one hour in the car or buggy

You will. You have to. DD is 16 months. A good night sees her wake every 2 hours but she's not well at the moment so it's more like every 40 minutes. At least I can rest in work

I swear if people knew what having kids is like before having them the human race would die out

What's your current setup? How are you and your partner dividing things?

If your baby is FF then you need to be taking shifts. He does 7-midnight, you do midnight to 6, he takes over for a couple of hours again. That way you both get a good chunk of undisturbed sleep plus whatever you manage to grab overnight. Forget about what time of day it is; maximise your sleep.

We try to do that but our baby won't stop crying it's driving me nuts. I absolutely hate having a baby it's the biggest fking regret of my life. This is absolutely awful. My body is ruined, my mental health is ruined and my life is ruined. There is nothing left. I can't even take a piss I have to hold it in so he doesn't wake and starts screaming again. I hate it so so so so so so so so so so so so so much.

Have you posted before OP? I feel for you so much because my ds1 was a high needs baby and screamed alllll the time: he hated sleep. Still does he’s 10 now and gets up at 5 am regardless

I only survived dc2&3 because DH and I did shifts. I’d sleep 8-12/1am and then do the night shift and he’d have them again 5/6am-8am so I could sleep some more. Also spent my days just sat on the sofa babies sleeping on me. if you can’t do that because of the screaming maybe ear plugs or noise cancelling headphones?

Does baby have colic or reflux: mine did and it makes it such much harder. Once they started in gripe water the screaming eased a bit because their tummies hurt less

I think he had colic and yes I posted before

The OP does not need to hear stories of how terrible your babies sleep is. Can't you see she is suffering and needs hope and reassurance?

OP - it most definitely will improve but right now please reach out for help. Partner, family, friends, health visitor. Hire a doula or night nanny if you've got the money. This sleep deprivation is temporary but awful when you're in the thick of it. It's ok to feel unable to cope and it will be a massive relief if you get practical help.

OP - you can phone this organisation today for help www.cry-sis.org.uk/

Yeah those people make me wanna jump off a cliff.
My boyfriend will have to return to work soon and I have no idea how to handle all of this. I see other mother who can but I cant.

Cosleeping, it was the only thing that saved me. Plan on doing it this time round (3rd time). Along with dummy and formula feeding. It will get better OP x

OP - contact www.home-start.org.uk/
They have volunteers who are well trained and can come round and help you. You need a break as it's relentless and I can see you're really struggling.

Why the heck would anyone do this a third time?

Sorry OP, this sounds awful. My first was similar. How are they fed? Any chance of CMPA/tongue tie/reflux? Can you swaddle then rock to sleep? This stopped the Those Tommee Tippee Grobag swaddles saved us this time around. Also safe co-sleeping.