At my whits end with disabled son

[idontknowmynamee]

That's simply it

I get no help and he's really worn me down

He's so strong and I'm struggling to control him.

For instance, he doesn't sleep well so usually sleeps in bed with me and last night he's bear hugged my head soooo tight and then dug his knees into my back an I couldn't get him off. He really hurt me and Thwir was nothing I could do as I couldn't get him off? But if I don't co sleep I get no sleep?
He is very mobile but his mobility isn't great and he can't see very well so he's forever pulling me over and grabbing things / people am breaking things etc. he hits me an bites me an screams at me, totally get his distraction !

Some days he's the most angelic little boy an I love him so so much I just don't know what to do anymore. Family won't help because of how hard he is, they've openly admitted it
Iv tried for resbite an no one really takes me on and I think it's purely because I'm young and they think I manage fine when I'm just broke, they offered me a carers thing where someone I appoint will care for him 4 hours a week an they will pay but no one would agree plus 4 hours ??? I'm struggling so much some days I want to run away an never come back. I hate leaving the door at the moment it's become so difficult and cruel for us both. this really isn't his fault it's part of what's wrong but what do I do? No one understands no one I know has to deal with anything like I do.
I'm just a tierd, worn out mum today with a stiff bloody neck !

Most

You have to up the anti and leave a paper trail you should have an assigned sw put in writing that they have 7 days to organise respite or he goes into care.

they took respite from my friend and it was only by doing the above - that she got it back.

tell them everything you have said on here - in writing.

give a deadline and carry it through.

also my friend is now 55 caring for her daughters one of which has serious development issues and does the above - sometimes injuring her other daughter - she has come to terms with the fact her daughter is now 11 and aged 18 she might not be able to cope and residential care might be better.

in a residential care the caters get breaks etc and you aren’t and that is simply unacceptable. I find the local asd groups a support on fb but my son has mild learning difficulties

Put in a complaint to social care about the inadequate assessment. If they have awarded 4 hours then you don’t have to find the help yourself (using direct payments) you can insist the council provide the care directly. What kind of school is he in? Talk to the school about what is going on with your partner and sleep etc as their support will help with social care and should be able to refer you to a family support worker. Social care will assume your dh will be helping out so you need to explain the situation. Are you getting carers allowance and DLA? The social care assessment should have identified the sleep issue and referred you to a sleep advice service and to the councils occupational therapist for advice on adaptations in the home to keep you all safe (this will be important when baby comes). So this is evidence the assessment wasn’t thorough and needs to be done again face to face. The councils complaint procedure should be on their website.

Sorry to hear what you’re going through. Your partner sounds awful and no help at all.
As others have said, you need to be pushing through all channels for help. As you’re pregnant, speak to your community midwife about your concerns regarding your older DS and how you feel your current situation with DS, partner and then new baby will be chaotic. I know it depends on where you live and your midwife, but if they’re proactive it could help. I hope you and DS get some support soon.

Thank you to everyone who responded and didn't hate me during a shitty very shitty time. I have contacted them now waiting for a response, I was upset so I hope I get somewhere this time
All has previously fell on deff ears....
OT didn't do anything. Said our house wasn't really adaptable but offered us 10 thousand pound to sell our home and move house but the house would have to be adapted already? Like this is actually possible and the house prices recently is pathetic!!
But
We're Just in the garden enjoying the sun, singing and trying to focus on the positives as hard as they are sometimes.

Thank you all again

Have you tried slow release melatonin? One of mine needs 1/2 dose as normal melatonin and half as slow release so he doesn't wake during the night. If he's anything like my DS sleep could make a big difference to his behaviour. I know that must sound impossible right now. I don't know if your GP could maybe prescribe a short term sleeping aide like Phenergan to try and get his body back into a proper sleep cycle.

DS ASD, ADHD, struggles with regulation and lack of sleep makes it an a hundreds times worse. He's also unusually strong for his age, could knock me off my feet well before your DS age. I got kicked and headbutted a lot when he was 2-3 years old. We've had cyclical bad times, and not so bad. The bad times are often sleep related, also if he's finding school or life overwhelming he has no resources to hold it together at home. The behaviour comes out round you not because you're not a good mum, the opposite, your he's safe space and when the world is too bright or too loud or too overwhelming that comes out when he's with you. I'm sorry you're going through this, I know how much it hurts mentally to have someone you love behaving this way, even when you know they can't help it it still hurts. Ive seen some good suggestions in the thread, I hope you can find the strength to reach out and that up you can both get the support you need.

A friend tried Phenergan with her son (ID) and it worked wonders - he was much happier during the day as he was sleeping better.

He was very cranky and clingy when he missed out on his sleep.

Go back to SS and get help from the disability children team .. you need help and with being pregnant that makes you vulnerable ..

My DS is fascinated by babies too, he loved his little brother, but once he started crawling I did have to make sure whatever DS was doing like building blocks was out of babies reach as he'd lose it if his things got wrecked. STBXH got worse when I was pregnant with DS little brother, didn't go out, spent lots of time gaming. He was supposed to take over nights with DS, but he wouldn't, tried once he was horrible about it. He used to stir DS up before bed and then I'd end up getting kicked and headbutted by DS and he wouldn't stop, he said it was his only time with DS and he'd play with him how he wanted.