Bedtime 13 yr old

[Melissa245]

Hi

Advice please - my 13 yr old has just had his bedtime extended to 9 pm but is pushing me daily to extend it further. I know his friends stay up later but they are also on computer so even if i extended it he'd be pushing for extra computer time ( i bring him off half hour before bed.)

My partner has strict views on bedtime and doesn't want it extended

My son has not been great at getting up in morning and will literally roll out of bed and off to school. We've told him to show better time keeping in morning by allowing more time for teeth etc which he is doing but thinks having done it for 3 days he's shown enough commitment

Feeling torn

Advice please

I think your partner should keep his beak out , not his child not his decision to make .

Sorry but that's far too early. Also, it is not your partners choice. You need to listen to your child and decide YOURSELF what is best. Otherwise resentment will grow. Your partner needs to know there are boundaries.

Your son is a teenager. You need to treat him like one, and show him a bit of respect.

It could just be that your son is not a morning person, loads of people aren't. He's clearly trying though.

If you're so concerned re gaming, make it clear no gaming after 8.30pm but bedtime can be 10pm. You may find he reads in bed, or takes himself off to sleep anyway if he's tired.

At 13 I would think 10pm was fine for lights out, we didn't impose bed times but that age but mine loved their sleep and could self regulate

Dd is almost 12 and gets ready for bed at 8:30 in bed by 9. She has to get up at 6 for school. I'm a big believer in sleep so always encourage a decent bedtime plus her phone switches off at 8:30 regardless.

It's important to know that teenagers sleep hormones shift, their melatonin kicks in later as does their cortisol in the morning. They literally can't sleep earlier and will struggle to get up, it's not their fault. It's also worth knowing that sleep can be caught up on at the weekends, hence why they're often in bed all morning at the weekends.

Dd has mentioned sometimes struggling to get to sleep at night recently but wants to go to bed at this time still as she hates being tired.

Maybe 9pm in bed with phone off and half an hour to read? If he winds down before bed he might wake better

My almost 14yo (end of Y9) goes to bed at 10pm ish on a school night and anytime up to 11pm on a non school one. He's never needed much sleep and is awake just after 7am so not an issue for school.

I thought everyone knew that sleep patterns change when you are a teenager? Something to do with hormones and melatonin production.

Teenagers need between 8 and 10 hours of sleep a night. Mine would happily go to bed at 11 pm, but he needs to be up at 6.30 am, so he has to be in his room at 9.30 pm and reads until he drifts off. 9pm sounds early for a 13-year-old, unless they have to be up extremely early in the morning.

Yes it sounds very early

And your partner - well it all sounds very odd to be honest that he is so involved in coparenting your children particularly given how strict and out of date he seems

Jubileetrain has it spot on IMHO.

Mine is 12 and doesn't have a bedtime as such. I try to have her in her room by 10-10.30pm reading or listening to audiobooks but if we're watching something or she's been out with friends (in summer) til 9pm and has bath / supper / chill time to do then I'm not strict about it.

I think a lot of teens struggle to get up regardless of the time they go to bed. Didn't they do studies on this and basically their bodyclocks are just different?

But I can't believe at 13 he's just having his bedtime extended to 9pm now how does he sleep? It's literally broad daylight outside.

^This is what happens in out house, too

I don't agree with most of these posts.
Sleep is really important and key for learning and retaining information at school. There is loads of research in this area.
If they need waking up in the morning and then they need a bedtime to accommodate this.
My 13 year old has lights off at 9pm on school days (has to be up at 6:15)
She doesn't have a bedtime at the weekend or holidays though.

Tbh you didn't mention what time he flags to get up. At 13, mine went to bed at 9:30/9:45 and wakes at 7:30. If he had a longer commute to school and had to get up earlier then he'd probably go to bed earlier iyswim

You are ignoring the fact that sleep patterns nearly always change for the vast majority of teens. There’s loads of changes happening in their bodies and particularly in their brains. Its not as simple as saying they should go to sleep!

It doesn't sound too early to me - my 12yo and 14yo both go to bed around 9pm on a school night. They both need lots of sleep, whereas my 16yo is much later.

9pm is far too early. His inability to get up in the morning is just him being a teenager, bit what time he goes to bed

My DC (same age) goes to bed at 9, all tech off by 10:30. Consolesare off earlier than that. No idea when DC actually falls asleep. Bedtime is later when there's groups to attend, No issues with getting up in a morning.

I think 9 is a very early bedtim for a teenager. My 13 yr old Dd has a 10 pm lights out and gets up at 6.30am for a 7.20am exit to school. My 10 yr old DS has a 9pm bedtime.

My Dd does air cadets twice a week that is 7-9.30pm and it's a 30 min drive home.

9PM is far too early. They don’t go to bed that early in boarding school at that age!

I'm betting your partner is after sex and wants the teen out of the way? 9pm is early, what was it previously?