Always worried about baby. Am I normal or irrational?

[AbDaRob]

I’m forever worried about my baby getting poorly.

he is 9 weeks old, but was premature… so 3 weeks corrected. He weighs 8lb. He spent a week in special care when he was born.

I feel like I spend my days worried about him. If he’s sick after a feed I worry there’s something wrong. If he sleeps more than usual I worry something wrong.

he’s started getting a snotty nose & now I could genuinely cry I’m so terrified he’s getting a cold. My DP asked had I not seen our family members DD (who we’ve been with all week) has a snotty nose, I did not… so I am so worried.

he’s so tiny & has taken 9 weeks to double his birth weight, I’m so scared something will
happen.

I tried speaking to my mum about it to see if I’m irrational or this is just hormones… but she just said you’ll spend the rest of your days worrying about him. But I feel like it consumes me, everything worries me.

when he gets bigger, will I find it easier? I definitely think his size/weight worries me.

I don’t think I’ll sleep tonight as I’m so worried about his snotty nose.

It's completely normal to feel worried, especially given the circumstances.

I think you will definitely feel better once your DC gets a bit chunkier. It's natural to feel that they're so fragile when they're tiny.

It's true you will worry probably forever about him, but not necessarily in a way that will consume you.

Do you have a partner and much support from people around you?

I think it's normal to be worried about your baby, but it's not normal to not sleep all night. That's what happened to me and I am pretty sure I had undiagnosed postpartum depression. I was convinced my healthy DD was going to die of cot death.

I'm now pregnant with number two and am planning to get an alarm you can clip on baby's nappy that goes off if baby stops breathing. Could that be something for you?

It’s understandable, but it’s too much for you.
What worries you about a cold?

I was worried for the first 3 months even though she was fine, albeit a little small.

The clip for the nappy helped a lot to reassure me, especially in the middle of the night (Sense-u baby alarm if you are wondering) just beware it has gone off when there was no problems on occasion (happened more when she was tiny but stopped doing it as she got older). Just remember to have spare batteries for it as they run out fast when you use it the majority of the time.

Mine is nearly 6 months now and is a healthy happy baby so I no longer worry so much since she is far more robust now. It will get better :)

It's impossible not to worry when it's your first and they are tiny. I recommend a saline nose spray called sterimar to clear their nose before feeds. You can get the snot suckers too (I never used these 🤢). If it helps, my newborn caught a cold from my toddler at 3 days old and although snotty and snuffly was fine. The good news is when you have a second you just don't worry so much about everything!

I think it's normal to worry when they've been very frail. DS was very poorly at 3 weeks old (despite being a hefty lump!) and it took a long time for me to have a normal reaction to any minor illness after that. But as the previous poster said, it can be a sign of PND. I was definitely depressed for some time when DS was a newborn and I should have spoken up and got help. First babies are an incredible shock to the system at the best of times and you've been through an added trauma, so do take care of yourself.

Maybe postnatal anxiety? Speak to your HV/GP. This sounds like an excessive amount of worry.

It's normal to worry a lot, especially when they've had a tough start. It could be post-natal anxiety or depression, so have a chat with your health visitor or GP and see if they can find you someone to talk to.

I had terrible post-natal anxiety but because I already have general anxiety disorder and was coping ok I didn't bother to access any help. But I definitely felt a sense of relief when mine got a bit chunkier and felt less fragile.

How did you get on last night?