Tips to help my nephew with jealousy of my son around grandparents?

[FurBabyMum02]

Bit of background to this below but im basically looking for tips on how to help my nephew not feel pushed out by my son now that he has to share his grandparents.

My nephew is 5 and my son is 1. When we get together its usually me and my dh and ds, with my nephew and my dhs parents, the childrens shared granparents (nephew is my dhs brothers son). My nephew has had a hard little life so far, lots of reasons I won't go into but his grandparents (dhs parents) have basically been the only stable thing in his life and they do alot of the parenting and teaching life skills etc.

His mum is single and has a new boyfriend with a son about the same age so when he stays over the kids share a room and he's feeling a bit pushed out at home (lives with mum full time as his dad isn't around but he does have contact).

When we all get together I can see that his behaviour regresses a bit to get his GP attention and he often mimics the baby things my son does to get this, today for example he was fake crying and laying on the floor which is a dramatic example and not something he does alot. He usually will kind of hoard toys or will talk babyish or be extra clingy but in a way that he's kind of side eyeing my son asif to say 'look I won I've got them back'.

This isn't about me having an issue with my nephews behaviour particularly. I can totally understand why he's doing it and where its coming from and relly feel for him. I'd just like to know if anyone has an idea of how we can possibly change things in these situations to help him not feel like he's having to share his grandparents or feel pushed out yet again. GPs are really good at sharing their time BTW and try to get the kids playing together as much as possible so they're not having to chose one or the other.

It sounds as though you are doing everything right. You obviously understand the reason for the behaviour. Just keep doing what you are doing and in time I'm sure his confidence will grow

Give him lots of praise for the things that he can do and be helpful with because he’s older. Positive comments on all sorts of things to help raise his own self esteem, like ‘it’s so helpful that you can do such good talking to help me know what you want to eat’ - or anything that he can do that your ds can’t yet. He needs to know that he’s just as brilliant for the things that he does.

I would give him loads of praise and responsibility for being 'the big boy'. - wow the baby loves watching you do xxx, you are so kind sharing xxx with baby, aren't you clever teaching the baby how to xxx, isn't the baby lucky having a big nephew to play with.

The key is to 'catch him being good' and to praise him just as he is thinking whether to do the right thing or not.

He will hopefully see the baby less as competition.

Sibling rivalry /jealousy takes time to settle down. (I know that they aren't siblings but I'd argue that the situation is the same) The grandparents need to keep on doing what they are doing so nephew feels secure- lots of praise for good behaviour

My nephew was like this with DD until she was 2 and a bit. Over the last year, he gradually thawed and now he loves her to pieces. So you might find that things naturally change as your DS becomes more of a play mate.

You sound like a wonderful aunty though. You've had some good advice here on how to ease the transition.

Thank you for the responses. It is a bit like sibling rivalry and hopefully when mine is older and they can play more together it may be better for nephew. I can see he really wants to play together sometimes but my son just doesn't get it, or he wants to play with toys that arnt baby appropriate (lego for e.g.). I'll take all your lovely advice on board and see if we can make him a bit more reassured thank u.