Siblings fighting

[BiscoffSundae]

Anyone else’s kids fight constantly? I have 2 boys 8 and 10 and all they do is fight and argue all day long,
to the point it’s getting physical so need constant separation, please tell me it’s not just my kids and when does it stop?! I often read people wanting a second child so their kid has a close sibling relationship to grow up together but mine seem to despise each other and spend more time fighting than anything else.

Well, it's obviously really common for siblings to bicker. I hear you, it's relentless in our house at times too. But physically fighting and hurting each other? What are you doing about it? That would be totally unacceptable in our house and there would be consequences. You need to have a sit down as a family and a serious talk about it. At their ages, they are old enough to know better.

In school we tell the 10 year olds that they do not put their hands on another child without permissions, this goes for hugs as well as shoves. We tell them that by 10 they know the difference between right and wrong. For siblings the punishment would be severe in this house for any physical altercation.

The bickering would result in them being separated, and when calm, sitting them down and helping them work out how to communicate better without the shouting or arguing. Learn to ask for something you want without snatching or name calling etc. Talk to them about compromise, taking turns. My sons are teenagers, they don't fight because we instilled this into them. It isn't like I invented it, I watched and read a lot of parenting stuff about this.

Of course I tell them not to and stop them, was looking for support not judgement otherwise I would have posted in aibu, it doesn’t stop though the minute I turn my back they are at it I can’t watch them 24/7 and they share a room

No judgement here at all, I was simply implying that if the physical fighting isn't dealt with adequately enough then they will keep doing it! Of course you can't have your eyes on them all of the time.
What do they really enjoy doing/playing? Remove privileges.
Is their Dad around? What does he say about it? Maybe you could have a discussion and throw some ideas around? There will be no magical fix, but until the behaviour is dealt with they are likely to carry on and continue to drive you mad.

They are separated when they fight but like I said they share a room so difficult to keep them separated for long, they don’t physically fight constantly but it does happen occasionally, no contact with their father.

I think it's partly a personality thing - I have 2 older siblings and I fought constantly with one but never with the other one. Just like having a good sleeper/good eater/an easy going child, it may be partly parenting but its also luck of the draw!

If they share a room then that will not be helping matters, although I'm sure you would live in a 3 bed if you could! But if you can think of any ways to give them a bit of their own space that could be helpful.

My dcs are younger than yours (6 and 8) but we had some success with promising them a toy they wanted if they could go a whole week without fighting. It took many, many weeks before they managed it but they got there in the end and I do think it helped teach them how to communicate their frustration without lashing out as a default.

We also enrolled them both in (separate) clubs so they could have more time away from each other and be their own people a bit more rather than living in each others pockets. Fighting is always worse in the school holidays because they're forced to spend every day together.

I do come down very hard on any violence that I see between them. I can't be there 24/7 watching them though so they do need to take responsibility and come to me if its looking like hints are getting heated between them.

I think that, at their ages, pp's suggestion of having a family meeting to discuss ways to stop the fighting is a good idea. They need a chance to reflect on their actions and they might be able to come up with some decent ideas to improve things.

It's very hard being on your own with 2 kids. I am a single parent and the 1-2 days a week their dad has them is necessary for my sanity. I'm in complete awe of anyone who manages to look after multiple children without another parent to help.

I know exactly how you feel and I really for you too. I am in the same situation. I have 3 children DD who is 12 usually keeps out of it but I have 2 DS who are 7&8 and they fight like cat and dog. There is times where they are very close and do things together but inbetween it's like a battle ground. They argue most days and also this can esculate to shoving, pushing and hitting at times. I'm at my witts end. I've tried separating them, sending them to their room, taking things off them and had chats with them. They seem to understand at the time and are remorseful but then it just happens time and time again. I don't really have any advice but wanted to let you know you aren't alone.