Should we have sleep routines? Are we being 'baby-centred' or just chaotic?

[Scirocco]

Our DC is 4 months old now and I've noticed that, in comparison with other parents we know, we don't really have set routines for naps etc.

DC usually has 2 or 3 naps during the day, when they fall asleep by themselves - they can be in the car, pram, playmat, anywhere really. Environmental light and noise don't seem to matter too much to them at these times. There aren't set times, but roughly speaking there'll be one nap in late morning, one after lunch and another late afternoon/early evening. Each can last between 30 - 90 minutes, but usually at least 2 are under an hour.

DC usually falls asleep around 8/8:30, after a feed, but again with no particular routine to the process (eg no special music, blackout blinds, etc). They usually sleep in the living room next to us for a couple of hours (while we work, eat, etc) then move through to the bedroom with us for the rest of the night (not usually waking during the move through). We have 2 or 3 overnight feeds (usually just with gentle "I'm getting hungry" cues - and back to sleep within a few minutes), and then the next day starts around 6/6:30, when they wake up with us.

Should we be trying to create more structured routines? Are we setting ourselves up for chaos in the future?

(For context, DC is our first living child and we don't have family support, also our health visitor is off sick so we don't have anyone in real life that we feel able to ask.)

Mine tended to sleep when it suited me, but I’d plan to go out when they needed a nap so they would sleep in the pram/car. I suppose I did the naps when it suited both of us.

4.5 months is when I started structuring the days a bit and being more conscious of nap times but that's because I wanted to improve night wakeups. If you're happy the way things are then you don't need to change anything.

I didn't, never did before school forced me to impose bedtimes. They are now young adults. It worked for me, and the sleep anywhere is particularly helpful if you want to actually have a life eg I've got a lovely picture of my two in a double buggy fast asleep in a jazz club in the USA, meant we could go out in the evening and not worry about them being grisly, in fact they slept better in noise in the buggy than at home when they wanted to sleep with us (which they did until they chose to sleep in their own beds)

Thanks, that's reassuring. We've been quite happy with the flexibility so far, but I was starting to doubt myself!

I was a slave to routine when they were baby’s which I now regret but at the time meant me not jumping off a cliff.

Once toddler years hit, I counted down the minutes and seconds to bedtime such was my desperation for peace and to be able to breath. So bedtime routine was essential.
It’s an individual family thing isn’t it, whatever suits you and your life.

We didn't worry about routines til 6 months with ours, til then it was just nap when tired, then the same in the evening and then came upstairs with us when we went to bed.

I had - still have - ones who needed a bedtime routine in order to prevent hysterical overtiredness, right from the start. While walking a screaming DD1 around the village one eveninibg to calm her down, an older lady said ‘oh she’s just had it today bless her, I had one like that’. DD1 was about five weeks old and after that she was absolutely fine so long as she was in bed before 7pm.

However, my friend’s youngest was an absolute champ at just sleeping whenever and wherever. Still is.

I think to some extent we’re all baby led. If you have a nice easy going one then enjoy the freedom! If you don’t, then do what you need to do to survive.

I think it's fine if it works for you. I started paying attention to nap times etc around 6 months. I found it helpful because I knew if I was home at 'nap time' whenever that was then I'd get an hour or so to myself (so found myself sticking to it more for my sake than the babies!) We also started a bedtime routine at 6 months to help with the transition to her own room.

It’s totally up to you and what suits you.

I preferred a routine.

The only thing I’d say is when parents are struggling I think it’s worth moving to one as it makes life more manageable.

At this age, i started using the Huckleberry app to track naps and wake times to help spot a pattern. It helped me figure out that although i thought there wasnt a pattern, there was really. Like pp, i then tried to be at home during those times so that i could have some cleaning / cooking / watching netflix time. Then i started a bedtime routine - bath, massage, nappy change, pjs, feed, story, bed (downstairs with us then transfer upstairs around 10/11pm). It didnt always work but just helped us all have a bit of structure to the day. It definitely helped when she went into her own room at about 7 or 8 months though, as she already had a very clear sleep association.

If he is falling asleep independently, don't change anything. Personally I didn't have sleep routines until baby was 6 months and i started sleep training.

As they say, if it's not broke don't fix it

We never had routines, suited us fine. Would do whatever suits your family.

If you're happy and can be flexible then keep on going the way you are.

If you for example have older kids and you need to do the school run, then you probably need baby to try and fit into a routine. For example they need to be asleep or just fed when you do the school run.

My 14 month old still doesn't have any kind of routine.

Some babies need routines. Some don't.

If mine had slept reasonably I wouldn’t have bothered with a routine I suspect.

As it happened DD was a wild eyed overtired nap refuser and terrible night sleeper. So I tried a routine just to give me some idea of the best times to be trying to get her to sleep!

1000% me!

But I have two children that both sleep through in general so I'm happy

Most babies don't need this strong routine early on so you're doing the right thing. As they get older it may be better to have a bed routine with sleep cues so they know it's bedtime

This for me too! I'd have been absolutely delighted if my DD would have just dropped off anywhere when she was tired. If it ain't broke...

I think he’s a little young, but it doesn’t hurt to start considering it and building good habits.

I can’t remember when my first fell into a routine - probably about 12m. My second at 8m, but that was for my benefit, although I believe it’s benefited him too.

If your baby is getting sufficient sleep in a 24 hour period then it’s not an issue for them. If you would prefer the predictability of a routine and/or think it would benefit them then you can start thinking about it.

Goodness, sounds like you have been blessed with a very easy going baby. I didn’t think I’d ever be a routine led parent, but DS had other ideas - no falling asleep anywhere, in light and noise for us after the first week or so! Therefore a routine became imperative to us to actually get him to nap and stop him getting overtired. If not having a routine works for you then don’t change a thing - all babies are different.

It sounds like they have a routine already. If it is working that's fine. If not tweek things a bit to suit.

My DD was a bit like that although used to nap on me which would probably be considered a bad habit and then around 6 months got herself into more of a set routine

Keep doing what you're doing. Don't feel
Pressure to get into a routine! I have an 11 month old who has always slept on the go and still does. She of course is our priority but she has slotted into our lovely busy life and loves being a part of it xxxx

Personally I liked flexibility as wanted to get on with life. DS always very happy to nap whenever. Also slept really well at night (I did sleep train for that as really needed my sleep!).

We didn’t have routines, I didn’t structure or time naps and I have no idea how many naps they had per day or how longs the naps were or how long or how many they were supposed to be (although I’m not sure who decides what babies are supposed to do)

I had one awful sleeper, one middling but I also had a great one so I figured it was luck of the draw. Feel free to call me selfish if you’d like to (I wonder if I was sometimes) but I feel like I’d have gone mad if the babies dictated the day or what happened in it, where I could go or what I could do. From very early on they didn’t have any choice in what went on during the day, I had things I needed to do and places I needed to go and they were coming along for the ride, and if that meant waking the sleeping baby or them getting overtired and no one getting any night sleep, that’s what had to happen.

they all slept through eventually, one at seven month, one at 22 months and one at 7 years