Selective mutism

[Twocrazycats]

my DD just turned 2 last week, she’s a very happy, active and lovely toddler. She loves going to nursery and her teacher, but I’m starting to be concerned because she’s been attending since September and she’ll just say a few words (yes, no, dad, mom…) to her. Also, when we meet other people such as friends or extended family she won’t say anything. After some
time she’ll start to relax and interact with smiles, giggles and maybe one or two words but definitely not talking as much as she does at home, not even close. With other kids she seems to interact just fine, a bit shy but she usually tries to talk to them at the park etc. For example, her teacher told me that she saw her talking to another child in her class, but as soon as DD realized that the teacher was listening, dhe stopped, laughed and refused to say anything else. The thing is that I DID have selective mutism as a child, starting age 2, untreated until I was almost 10, and it did have consequences on my mental health and my socialization. I really don’t want her to go through a similar experience and have read selective mutism should be treated asap. On the other hand, DH says she’s too young and she’ll overcome it. Do you have any experience with it? Should we wait until she’s 3 or 4 or would it be better to ask for an evaluation earlier?

@Twocrazycats
I just stumbled across this when looking for something else and saw no one had answered you so hope my experience will be some help ...

DS has selective mutism. It wasn't something we'd come across before and so we just thought it was extreme shyness. By Y2, we and school had realised what it was. We were told that no chance of being seen by CAMHS (they struggle to even see the children who are eg suicidal) and that speech/language therapists didn't treat it. So we worked with the school and an ed psych to put in place a programme (based on Maggie Johnson's work) for DS at school. The only "evaluation" was that the ed psych observed him in class once and talked to us and his teacher/TA.

He's not transformed into a completely different child, but went from never talking to any adults (or to a child within earshot of adults) from reception to Y2 to, in Y6, answering questions in class if asked directly, reading out loud to a small group and saying one line in the leavers' ceremony. We expected regression when he started secondary but if anything he is talking more, occasionally even volunteering answers to questions.

On the other hand, your DD could just be shy. But to be honest there's lots of similarities, so techniques for helping with SM should also work with shyness. So my advice would be treat it as if it is selective mutism, discuss with his teacher and work together on a programme based on Maggie Johnson's SM manual. It's basically babysteps (eg talking to parent in room with door closed, then talking to parent in room with door open, then talking to parent in room with teacher outside, then talking to parent in room with teacher in doorway) but very relaxed and at that age she probably won't realise what you're doing. It will take time but agree with you that better to treat asap, but also with your DH that she's too young for a formal diagnosis.

My ds is selective mute he is 8 and in year 3 we have no help with it as school aren’t interested He does not speak in school at all and hasn’t since reception

My daughter was like this from around 2 until about 5 years old she was really shy around people even family that we knew and her friends at nursery and wouldnt speak or acknowlege them but i just kept encouring her to speak and going at her pace and not making too big a deal of it which was sometimes hard to do but she is 11 now and is totally fine and now never stops talking hope this helps

@BiscoffSundae
That’s so disappointing and the opposite of what we had from most at DS’ school. They allocated him lots of time with a TA, changed things in class to help him (eg used white boards more to answer questions so DS wouldn’t be the only one not answering verbally; changed the plans for one lesson completely because DS had said to me that he felt able to try to read out loud to a small group), briefed the dinner lady so she asked him yes/no questions so he could nod or shake his head rather than have to make a choice, gave him important non-speaking roles in performances (doing the powerpoint or holding up a sign) etc. They also were clearly as excited as I was when he did things we never thought he would eg the reading out loud or speaking a line in Y6 leavers’ ceremony - I saw his Y3 teacher do a fist pump at that!

I wouldn’t accept that from the school. What have they said? SM is likely to significantly affect education and school should work on a plan with you. Has the Senco just dismissed your concerns? Have you tried printing out some factsheets (search for selective mutism advice for teachers) and asking to discuss with them? If you are getting nowhere I suggest contact SMIRA for advice.

No the senco wasn’t interested it was like talking to a brick wall, she said he doesn’t have sen so doesn’t need a diagnosis and won’t get one without Sen as it’s usually diagnosed along side another diagnosis not on its own. He is selective mute at school only and is fine at home and everywhere else so not able to get a diagnosis without them backing me up, he said he’s teacher shout or get angry if he doesn’t speak so definitely not understanding

I’m interested in this as I suspect my DS 3 has it and am getting him assessed as I think he needs specific support and just labelling him ‘shy’ feels like a cop out. In the meantime there’s a Facebook group called “parents of children with selective mutism”that I’ve found helpful, it’s US-centric but it’s been useful in terms of advice, and links to videos and reading.

I’m appalled @BiscoffSundae that a senco could be so dismissive, your poor son.

Hadn’t seen these messages, thank you so much for answering! We’re not in UK so things are a little bit different re school etc, but I’ll take a look at Maggie Johnson’s steps. Thanks a lot!!