Calling all full time working mum's (& Dad's!)

[MamaSJ15]

How do you do it?
I'd like to hear about your routines, especially for younger children.
We have a 3 year old, we both work full time, and I struggle with the evening time because there's just not enough time to get things done, spend time with our little girl, and have some proper down time before whisking her off to bed.
It's getting me down if I'm honest. I want to cute my hours down at work but it's currently not doable, hoping to do so soon. But in the meantime, tell me your stories 😊

DS is almost 3 and our week days look at bit like this:

2am - DS wakes me up needing a wee, settle him back into bed after
4am - DS gets in bed with me and DH
6am - I get up shower, brush my teeth, get dressed and sort morning drinks
6.30am - DH and DS wake up, bring coffee up for DH, juice for DS
7.45am - take DH to work and DS to nursery (twice a week he gets picked up at 7.30am by DM or MiL)
8.15am - I get to work
4pm - I finish work, collect DH for 4.30pm
5pm - nursery days we collect DS, my parents come over once a week and do bedtime and we go to the gym/none nursery days we go to the gym from work.
7pm - get home from gym, DS dropped off none nursery days. DH or I brush his teeth, wash, PJs and snuggles in the 'big bed' bedtime story and a song. The other showers and sorts dinner.
8pm hopefully DS will be asleep, transferred to his own bed and the other parent will shower and we have dinner, watch TV and go to bed... recently DS has form for sleep refusal, especially if he's had a nap during the day, not sure how to break this one...

So the week day evening, time spent with DS is literally snuggles in bed. It sucks, but we spend all weekend with him and I work in a school so am term time only, so he gets time with me during school hols and DH will take days off just to have days with him. Obviously this will stop when he starts school, but for now, he uses his annual leave to be with DS 121

To be honest with you, unless you have lots of family help/lots of money for a nanny, cleaner, endless takeaways etc, two full time working parents is a really, really hard way to run a family. It's just not compatible with a relaxed, engaged family life unless you've got lots of additional support.

Our routine varies a lot based on what day it is. I work four days but compressed hours, so still full time. DH and I only have one day off together a week.

We have a cleaner and a robot hoover (!). DD is nearly 2 and usually up before 6 😭 whoever is taking her to nursery that day is the 'responsible parent' that morning and does everything related to DD so the other can concentrate on work. DH typically does all bathtimes and I am the more organised one with doing a quick house blitz ie. Putting some washing on, sorting dinner during that window but it's always me that puts DD to bed. DH always feeds the dogs and does some outside stuff whilst I put DD to bed.

I think you just have to be really organised. Us having only one 'family day' a week forces it. There isn't two days of parenting back up like most families, only the one. So we don't both get a day to lie in each week for example.

I think it depends on your hours. Both me and DH are finished with work by 4pm, and DD (4yo) doesn't go to bed until 8pm so plenty of time with her, or gym/swim, see friends etc. We normally each have 1 evening a week to do whatever we want, 1 evening DD has swimming and the others we're just at home.

We do dinner at 6ish, then start bedtime at 7:30 usually

Thanks for the responses.
We recently moved our daughter from full time nursery to a playgroup, then my mum or sister then has her for the rest of the day (playgroup is just the morning), the cost of nursery was killing us even with us both working full time.
I finish work at 5, taken me 20 mins to get to pick her up then another 15ish to get home, so it's nearly 6 by the time were home. I think it's tea I struggle with, I'm not good at preparing in advance, then by the time were done it's basically time for DD to go to bed, then because she's not had any down time or anything she's just full of energy and wants to play. Bed time feels like it's getting later but should be around 7:30, it's usually after 8 at the moment. We've got mornings sorted as DH takes DD over to mum's or sisters (for playgroup drop off) on his way to work so I get her ready for 8 then I get myself sorted once they've gone.
I'm hoping to cut down my hours a bit soon cause even finishing an hour earlier a few days would really help.

Currently on mat leave with number dc2 but before he came along we both worked ft. We live hundreds of miles away from family so no one to help. Our routine looked like this:

Wake up at 6.30/7. DH gets DC up, makes drinks/breakfast while I shower/get ready. DH showers/gets ready, I get DC ready for school. I then do the school run and am at work for 8.30. DH wfh and he empties dishwasher before he starts work. I finish work at 4.30, pick child up and am home for 5pm. I cook dinner while DC plays. DH finishes work, we all eat together for 6/6.30. DH loads dishwasher while I do homework/reading with DC. Upstairs by 7.30 for bath/stories/bed. DC asleep for 8/8.30. We collapse on the sofa to watch TV.

Terrified of how our week will look when I go back to work after DC2 though thankfully only going back 4 days a week and lucky to have a short commute and a DH who wfh. It was much more stressful when DH had a big commute. Also we have a cleaner and this helps massively. We get very little leisure time atm, so no time for gym/after work drinks etc., we have to fit that all in at the weekend. Though as DC2 gets older it will be easier to tag team these things!

I batch cooked on a weekend and froze meals in takeaway pots for quick teas. All cleaning was done on a Saturday, I just blitzed the house in the space of 1-2 hours. Ironing was Sunday evening in front of the TV when DS had gone to bed.
Don't worry about masses of time spent together in an evening before bed time. Just a bath and story is enough. They won't remember and days off can be filled with outings.
I was a single mum navigating the early years with a full time job and no family near by. I had an amazing childminder and it was like a home from home for DS, he loved it. It is totally doable, even easier with two of you.

My DH works longer days than me and 3 out of 4 Saturdays too. So it's hard to get tea at a decent time if we were all to eat together which can make timings tricky too.
My DD said to me the other day 'you never play with me', and it totally killed me, I broke down. I was just trying to get her dressed ready for DH to drop her at my sister's house and she was trying to mess around. But it kills me that she feels like that.
I'm glad we've had some extra time together with me being off for bank holiday, it's made a big difference to my patience and I feel like the time we've spent together has been better and more relaxed.

I made a lot of use of the slow cooker.
Some other days we'd have something made the night before, or something else we could just put into the oven on a tray (so a kiev, or some fish, or anything else you could put in the oven with some oven chips or something), then another quick meal like pesto pasta.
However, if she doesn't need to go out early, then 8pm is fine for bed.

@Kite22 most days it's something quick in the oven, sometimes it's a Bolognese that I've prepared in advance or chicken that we've cooked the night before. Some days is beans on toast, but my DD always asks for it 🤣
Regardless of what time she goes to bed, she's pretty much always up between 6:30-7. She has to be out of the house on week days at 8am so DH can get to work on time. She's doing okay to be fair, but I would like her to be asleep by 8 if we can manage it.

We’ve never done anything else and honestly we are happier then when I was on maternity leave (the closest we’ve ever been to having a SAHP). Trick for us was our utterly fab childminder.

Routine was/is
6:45 alarm, DSs pile into our bed for cuddles
7:00 DH into shower, I help get DS2 dressed (now I just make sure both DS are getting dressed and don’t get distracted)
7:20 DH (now showered and dressed) takes DSs downstairs and gets them breakfast, I hop in the shower
7:40 I get downstairs, make DS1 packed lunch (junior school has no kitchen or he’d have school lunches!), eat breakfast, start organising DSs into shoes etc
8:00 everyone out the door.

18:00 either DH or I get home to get DSs, both read to us
18:20 snack and a drink (childminder gives them dinner)
18:30 30 minutes screen time, other parent usually gets in
19:00 one into bath and one into the shower
19:30 milk, teeth, stories
20:00 DS1 asleep, DS2 muttering to himself in bed, start dinner for us**

We both work full time midweek. We have to use the school before/ after club.
I get back about 5.10 with dc and dinner has always been made by dh for us. It's eat immediately so dinner can settle.
After dinner dc usually write/ colour/ read before going up for bath/ bed.
Story and bed for 6.45/7pm.
DH then has his chill time (after cooking, washing up etc) and I do packed lunches, last minute ironing (for next day), my clothes/ school uniform ready for next day, odd jobs like clean toilets/ put a wash on a couple of times a week.

It's a full on hectic week and some weekends feel like we just need to sleep and recover. That's life though.

We've both worked full time since DD was 9months old. When she was in nursery we'd pick her up about 5.20-30pm, home around 5.45pm. They had dinner at nursery so we'd make her a quick supper of something like:

• toast with beans/egg/hoops/peanut butter/avocado
• picnic plate with fruit, veg, sandwich
• omelette

Quick bath every other day, then into bedtime routine cuddles, books and she'd be in bed for 7.15pm

We would have dinner afterwards, whoever wasn't doing bedtime would cook dinner so it was ready by 7.30pm. Then any housework would be done after dinner or at the weekend.

Now DD is 8yo and Covid has led to me and DH both working from home permanently so it's much easier. Pick her up at 3pm from school, she has a snack and entertains herself till DH finishes work at 4pm then he and DD play, read, do homework, start getting dinner ready while I work through till 6ish (dependant on meetings). Then we eat together and just chill out till DDs bath/bedtime.