16 month old sleep HELP!

[motherriver]

Hi,

I've posted before about my baby not sleeping at night very well unless he's held since he was born.

He's 16 months now and has only slept through the night (like 6/7 hours straight) about three times.

I've tried all the gentle sleep ways and also previously resorted to the Ferber / controlled crying. Although only for a maximum of ten minutes before going in as I couldn't do it any longer than that seeing him upset.

He goes to bed about 8pm (it was earlier but he wasn't tired), sleeps until about midnight (if we are lucky!!) but then wakes up and either takes a couple hours to resettle or just refuses and screams until we sleep with him on the sofa bed in his room or bring him into our room.

He then wakes about 630/7.

He has recently dropped from two naps to one nap. He naps after lunch around 1230/1 for 1.5/2 hours.

I'm 33 weeks pregnant and struggling with the continuous lack of sleep. For the last 16 months we have had about 4/5 hours broken sleep a night. I'm worried how I will cope with a newborn.

I'm just looking for help and advice. I know I probably made it hard Co-sleeping with him and taking him out his cot but he goes absolutely insane if I don't.

I have a dark room, a routine with bath and bottle, he has a sleeping bag with a good room temperature. He's not hungry or thirsty. We have a white noise machine.

Help if anyone has any?!

Honestly, you just need to grit your teeth and give CC a proper go. Do. Not. Cave.

Agree with PP,as long as he's safe,fed etc then let him go 'absolutely insane' as you put it. He'll tire himself out and crash out to sleep eventually. He's16months old, he won't come to any harm.

Honestly you need to get this cracked before baby is born otherwise he will become resentful of the baby taking your attention.

I don't agree that the only option you have is CIO/CC, it is stressful for most parents and children and it causes a child to become so stressed that they shut down (people assume they have fallen asleep peacefully and it worked but for most children it has caused so much stress to them and basically made them give up signalling in the night that they need you).
I know you have stated that you've used gentle techniques but it might be worth reaching out to some of the holistic sleep consultants for advice but it is still normal for a child to not sleep through the night at that age.
If you are on Instagram then check out the following pages as they should be able to help with gentler options:
Littlenestsleep
Foxandthemoon infant sleep
Hey sleepy baby
Second star to the right

Hopefully you can figure out the cause of all the night wakings but it is likely to be normal and possibly a developmental phase that they're going through.
Do not feel pressured in to doing CIO/CC if you don't want to.

You also haven't made a problem by co-sleeping either so don't feel bad about doing what your son needs, being responsive is never a bad thing.

I did controlled crying with my little one when she was 14 months, it really worked like a miracle. It was horrible hearing her cry but actually I could tell she was cross rather than upset and it worked a lot quicker than I ever thought it would.

I would try and settle in the cot first maybe with you next to him rubbing his back, stroking his face etc to soothe and then moving on to getting him to fall asleep independently when he’s used to the cot.

I know it’s really hard but I’ve found the only thing that works is when you decide it’s time to do it and just have to stick with it. Just make sure you’re ready and then commit.

I haven't been able to do controlled crying.. not sure how well your 16 month understands but what I did was telling them I would come back in 2 minutes (and I did) and then kept checking on them.

....that pretty much is controlled crying.

Yes I guess it is, but when I tried controlled crying I didn't explain I'd be back. I was following the advice of saying night night and nothing else.
And when I'd come back he would be hysterical and not settling.

but recently I then tried explaining i would be back to check on him which he accepted and so I didn't leave him distressed. He laid there waiting for me to come back and so I did that over and over again no longer than 2 minutes the first night so he got that trust and now sometimes I have to come back in 5 minutes after bedtime for a check if hes still awake but not always.

So there was no crying involved I guess is the difference I was trying to explain it might be the way you explain to them what's going to happen

Hi, I did the ferber method when my DD was around 9 months old as was literally up for hours night after night and I was going back to work soon so I had to sort something!

I was strict with it. So no feeding in the night, kept to the schedule and no lifting out of the cot. It took a good few nights and few hours but we got there. I mean she does wake up sometimes ( 15 months) but usually due to illness or teething. I can then be up for hours again, but I found patience is the key. Once she's not ill or the tooth is through, I go back to the same method if she still cries and wakes at random times in the night. Its bloody hard, I can barely stand it. But if it gives you some more sleep you and your baby will benefit from it. X

How does he go to sleep at the beginning of the night? Is he being rocked/fed etc?