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Parenting

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Original poster

Daughter prefers husband, I am devastated

25 replies

grizzlygrump · 01/06/2022 19:11

My DD, just under 2 years old, has really started to prefer my husband over me and it’s making me sad. I am the main breadwinner and work full time (from home, so see her plenty in the day when she’s not at nursery). In the last month she has become more and more attached to him, to the point that she won’t let me give her a bath or put her to bed anymore, just screams for her dad and cries until he comes. This is so heartbreaking to me, but I don’t know what to do. Has anyone got any ideas for how to get our relationship back on track? :(

OP posts:

greenbirdsong · 01/06/2022 19:13

This is normal. She's not even 2. Young children often go through phases of 'preferring' one parent over the other. Try not to worry or take it so personally (even though I know it's hard)
Give her plenty of attention when you're with her and smile and have fun together.

You'll probably find in a couple of months she'll only want you bathing her etc!

Triceratopsrock · 01/06/2022 19:14

Toddlers are like this. They are just little weirdos that like to control the adults around them.
A few months ago my 2 year old was obsessed with his dad. This week he cries whenever I move more than an inch away from him.
enjoy the freedom of not being the chosen one. You’ll be back to feeling suffocated in no time!

Iliketeaagain · 01/06/2022 19:17

No need to work to get it back on track.. you'll be the favourite again in a week or so.

In the mean time, enjoy drinking your tea while it's warm and eating your meals in peace and not having to do bed time, because it will change as quick as you can blink..

Dd was an absolute daddy's girl for a few months.. and she's switched right back and now wants me for everything.. hoping it will be DHs turn again soon

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kimwexlerfan · 01/06/2022 19:20

This is totally normal.
Don't worry 😉

TheArtfulScreamer1 · 01/06/2022 19:20

Totally normal my DD aged 3 is exactly the same and has been for ages my son on the other hand is a total mammies boy but he's only 1 so there's still time. My DD only loves me when Dad's not here.

Twizbe · 01/06/2022 19:22

Very normal.

They all go through phases like this. It's nothing personal at all.

Enjoy being let off some parenting duties for now as it will change and she will be all about mummy again at some point.

At the same time though. It's good for her to have daddy go out at bath time occasionally so she's forced to have you. She will be fine.

Henryisahoover · 01/06/2022 19:24

Totally normal.

My kids are 7 and 9 and love nothing more than playing DH and I off against each other. They tell me they like DH better cos he plays Xbox with them, but them apparently they tell DH his bedtime stories are rubbish compared to mine.

Just spend as much quality time as you can with her when you're off work at the weekends etc.

As an aside, how are you feeling about being the main breadwinner? Is some guilt/stress making you feel worse?

HumphreysCorner · 01/06/2022 19:25

Absolutely normal, my DD1 cried I want my daddy a lot. X

Ihaveoflate · 01/06/2022 19:27

My daughter went through a phase of this when she'd just turned 2, but only wanting me and crying when dad went to her.

He took it in really good grace (better than I would!) and kept showing love and kindness while acknowledging she wanted me. Eventually the phase passed and she's probably more attached to him than me now.

Try not to take it personally - I know that's easier said than done.

riotlady · 01/06/2022 19:32

Totally normal, DD has had this phase with both me and DH. Don’t worry too much about your relationship, she’ll swing back your way eventually!

ArtVandalay · 01/06/2022 19:36

Devastated? Don't be daft. She's a capricious toddler. She'll like you better next week.

I actively encouraged dad adoration so he was always the one to do baths and bedtime and I could have a glass of wine downstairs alone.😁

Original poster

grizzlygrump · 01/06/2022 19:44

Haha yes I totally get why I’d be called daft, you are all right I should take the opportunity to enjoy a glass of wine downstairs instead of getting worked up about this! Thank you, I feel much better hearing I’m not the only one with this experience…

I do often feel guilty for not seeing her as much as her dad but they do have the most amazing bond that I’m very grateful for too.

I’ll relax and have a nice break from bedtime stories for a while :)

OP posts:

AliceW89 · 01/06/2022 19:57

Definitely a phase. 2 year old DS doesn’t want anything to do with DH at the moment. It’s MAMAAAAA for everything. 3 months ago he couldn’t get enough of him and I was definitely second fiddle. It’ll pass.

Oystercatchers · 01/06/2022 20:06

Oh, love, it's so normal but it's so rough when they're in that phase!

FictionalCharacter · 01/06/2022 20:17

Yep, they do that! Mine did the same for a while when she was little. They have no idea how much it hurts us!

Luredbyapomegranate · 01/06/2022 20:28

Many toddlers do this. Don’t take it personally - I know it hurts but it’s standard terrible twos, the wee buggers.

Generally what you have to do is not give into parent favouritism. It’s hard but the more you do, the more they will prefer the favoured parent as they spend more time with them.

With slightly older kids you can just be hardcore about it, but with a two year old you will just have to ween her back to her parents being the boss slowly.

You and your husband will have to work together to find the way. You will have to put up with some screaming..

Blimeyherewegoagain · 01/06/2022 20:32

Just a phase and it’s normal.

racquel86 · 01/06/2022 21:15

Bless you ❤️ my baby is only 6months and already went through a little phase of only settling to sleep with her dad. I cried 🥲 I dread this happening when she is older.... yet I want her to be a daddy's cos I never had a dad 😳🤦🏻‍♀️🤣
I feel for you lovely but as others have said I will be a phase 😘😘😘

RaisinGhost · 01/06/2022 22:05

My dd is the same, it's normal. I take advantage of it. "Who do you want to change your nappy dd? What's that, you want daddy? OK then!"

Dilbertian · 02/06/2022 00:53

Each time this happened with each of my dc I felt a weird mixture of loss and relief. Because TBH it is a relief to get a break! But, yes, there's an extraordinary sense of loss when you've been everything to each other.

It's not a betrayal, your relationship has not gone off-track, it's a wonderful step in your dc's emotional development to feel such love and trust with their other parent. It also shows that she feels completely secure in your love for her that she can step away knowing you will still be there for her.

ChuckBerrysBoots · 02/06/2022 00:57

Super common:
https://www.janetlansbury.com/2015/02/when-children-prefer-one-parent/

https://www.handinhandparenting.org/2021/08/when-a-child-prefers-one-parent/

Abouttimemum · 02/06/2022 01:09

Yeah my DS is the same, all for his dad doing things for him. We’re best mates otherwise so I know he loves me!

He went through a phase when he was 2 of not wanting me for bath or bed (we alternate days for this) and i just persevered through the screaming until he realised that he wasn’t going to get his dad all the time and then it stopped. I don’t think you should fall into the trap of one parent doing everything.

Occasionally he’ll try it on with a ‘I want daddy’ and I just say, ‘ah yeah daddy’s lots of fun, never mind, it’s my turn tonight because I love bedtime cuddles, and daddy’s turn tomorrow, now which books would you like?’ He’s 3 now though so easier to distract!

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 02/06/2022 01:12

Toddlers are contrary little things. It's totally normal

Aria999 · 02/06/2022 01:34

Also if she figures out it upsets you she may milk it for all it's worth (they are tiny control freaks) so definitely appear chilled

DogWithMyOwnRoom · 02/06/2022 01:51

Just another one chipping in to say my DS preferred his Dad to me… he was just more fun!
I always felt loved (luckily he never refused to come to me, or was badly behaved etc) but that didn’t stop my irrational jealousy that DH was clearly his favourite to spend time with…

so hand- holding because I know it’s not nice/fair but no, you are not alone, x

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