Health visitor concerned about weight gain (12 weeks)

[Melissa3003]

Hi all,
My son had his 12 week injections yesterday. My partner took him in because I have a chest infection, and when they weighed our son, they said he isn't gaining weight like he should he. He has gone from 50th percentile to 25th and only gained 1lb since his 8 week appointment.
The HV wrote down what he should he eating every 2/3/4 hours and said if he isn't eating enough in the day then we need to wake him at night and if he doesn't gain weight like he should for his next visit then "we are going to have a problem".
We have always let our son tell us when he is full and being told to make him eat more feels like we are force feeding him. My partner said the HV was very passive aggressive about him needing to gain weight and said he felt like he was being threatened with social services if we don't force feed our son. He already wakes every 3/4 hours through the night so the only other option is making him eat more when he does feed.
Has anyone else experienced anything like this? I don't like the idea of forcing feeding him but don't want to risk them calling social services on us.

I don't think she meant "we are going to have a problem" as you you are in trouble.

There are causes of lack of weight gain in children and if feeding more doesn't solve it then they'll need to investigate further. This will be medical.

Why don't you keep a diary of what he's feeding and when? Give yourself peace of mind when you next go back you have proof you're doing what you should.

But I would be surprised if she was blaming you - and if she actually was then I'd be making a compliant!

I can only go off what my partner explained it as and he is super chill so for him to feel threatened by the HV makes me think that it was and he feels like that was what was implied as well.
We have an app that we have been using to track his feeds since he was born. He is usually averaging around 25oz a day when he is eating what he wants but they want him to be on 30oz at a minimum.

Could you try and give him an extra oz per feed? That's probability doable.

But honestly - lack of weight gain (failure to thrive) is a medical issue not a SS one.

I get her manner made him perceive it like that but that doesn't mean it's what she implied or meant.

You have the app so no issues. SS won't take a case of a child being fed as much as they want. They'd only be concerned if their were fears you weren't feeding him.

We're trying to get him to take an extra oz a feed today and yesterday. It just feels cruel to keep forcing him to eat after he tells us he is done. He's already thrown up a couple of times since yesterday so seems counter productive but I don't know what else we can do

Does little one have reflux? Or maybe symptoms of a cows milk protein allergy? Poor weight gain is one of the symptoms that all. I'm not saying it definitely is but little one could be appearing to get full because his tummy is sore if he does have a allergy

He's never had an issue until just now so I think it's just him eating more than he can stomach since we're having to force him to eat more

I'd log that.

If you're trying and he doesn't want it then I agree it's counter productive. He isn't going to gain weight if vomiting up his feeds!

Just keep doing what you can and wait until next appointment.

There's no way I'd try to force an extra ounce in. Could you try an extra feed instead? Sounds like he's actually gained weight though and isn't losing weight.

He is gaining weight, just not at the level that they want. He's already eating every 3 hours, I tried to get him to eat before he was ready today and he didn't want any of it so it's not really an option

Get a second opinion op. Some HV are over the top. My second child was like this, she knew when she’s had enough. HV was always acting concerned. I knew she was fine, active, wakeful, developmentally fine. She’s now 18 , super healthy and slim and knows when she’s had enough to eat. Trust your instinct but if at all concerned get another opinion.

Thanks for the advice everyone, I feel much better about the situation. If he doesn't gain much weight by the next appointment then I'll speak to his GP

OP you're responding to this like you've been told you're a bad parent. That is not what has happened. You've been told there's a weight gain issue. This is a medical problem, not a parenting fuckup. You're focusing on the wrong thing, you need to be getting to the bottom of why your baby isn't thriving as he should. Shelve the ego for a bit and focus on the baby.

Maybe save that opinion for an occasion that you're actually there for. Unless you were there, I don't think you get to tell me how the HV was talking to my partner. He said she was being aggressive about getting him to eat more and talking to him in a way that he doesn't agree with and I'll believe him considering he was there. If there is a cause for concern about my sons weight then I will of course find out why. I don't believe forcing him to eat is the way to go and that is what this post was about.

Mine was born on the 96th centile and fell to the 37th centile where he's stayed ever since. I was initially referred to the pediatric team but they were relaxed about it and said he was finding his place on the centile chart which I expect is true. I'm not very big and neither is my partner!

I've been on the receiving end of some really unpleasant HVs (one told me that my baby wasn't sleeping well because she didn't feel loved), so it doesn't surprise me that your DH had a bad experience.

No advice on feeding, but I would suggest that you report the behaviour. Early parenthood is such a vulnerable time, and if professionals who are supposed to be helping are doing the opposite they need to be stopped.

Even with bf charts mine gained weight but came down the weight feeding centile chart lines - they were just born big and slowly went down the centiles.

It was a massive issue with some HV - they advocated early weaning top up ff - all sorts but they were active alert and growing had wet and full nappies as excxpected and there was ultimately no issues.

So going to see a GP if it continues is the best thing to be done.

You do know it's not compulsory to see a HV.. I never had my second baby weighed.
It's ridiculous this obsession with babies staying in the same percentile they are at birth.
Your ds maybe naturally going to sit at 25th...
If he feeds well, is developing and you have no concerns I'd stop worrying tbh. You cannot force more food into a baby.
I'd be quite firm about it, and definitely not waking a baby to feed them at night.
If the HV wants to refer you to paediatrics for failure to thrive I'd smile and say sure... And go to the apt... I've found consultant paediatricians much saner than HV

It's the lioness in you. Perfectly normal

What pisses me off is the HV system did it give a shit in covid. I never saw one. Never had any help. My boy had severe reflux and it took way too many phone calls on my behalf practically screaming down the phone to get help. We bought our own scales as one again no weighing thanks to covid. My DS was loosing weight due to his reflux. He was born on 25th percentile so didn't have a lot to play with. He dropped to 2nd percentile.

At no point did anyone tell me 'I was going to have a problem'. It's was fucking dreadful.

He is a perfectly thriving 2 year old now.

I would try and give him an extra feed but force feeding won't help you either. Give it a bit of time he might just be putting in slowly.

Mine were born in 50th , were breast fed and went to 25th where they stayed throughout childhood/teen years.

None of my three ever seemed to settle with the centile lines - they bounced all over - though they starting at the top at birth and ended up nearer the bottom within that there were many peaks and troughs - been same in childhood with weight and height they seem to be very much marching to their own tune.

I didn’t think dropping just one centile line was a problem unless they were right at the bottom of the chart already? It also sounds like the HV didn’t have a great bedside manner if she made your partner feel like that - and I understand it’s frustrating when you feel they are policing you and your perfectly healthy baby who is just finding their line!

That said, when DS was little he was losing weight and I just kept getting told to feed him more. I felt like I was constantly feeding him but nothing worked and it later transpired he had a health condition responsible for his failure to thrive. I was pleased I’d had him weighed semi regularly as when I was worried but being fobbed off this gave me the ammunition to persuade the doctor to refer him to the paediatrician.

Your DS doesn’t sound like there are any medical problems but I wouldn’t cut the HV off for this reason. She’s just being conservative and it’s probably worth flagging up slow weight gain of 10 healthy babies to catch the one who isn’t healthy. I think if you showed her the app, explained he is waking every 3/4 hours to feed and she can see he is happy and thriving - her fears will be allayed.

My baby didn't get weighed at her injections but I guess it depends on your NHS trust.

Health visitors obsess a bit about weight gain as it can be an indication of other problems. I had this with my baby recently, they want all babies to follow the line on the chart!!! Silly really as they are individuals and not an average! You will probably find that they will put on weight in fits and starts and end up back on the 'right' centile or even just follow the one they have got on to now. You don't have to have them weighed and you don't have to see a health visitor -!- although really they are just there to do a job, and some are great and some are horrible just average. Don't take it to heart. One health visitor tried to tell me my baby would be short when she grew up, according to some chart she was looking at. I'm nearly 6 foot tall - don't think so love! 😂

If you can squeeze some more milk in or do an extra feed some time - great. If your baby is clearly happy and thriving then don't worry about it.

Is baby alert, good colour, gaining weight and having lots of wet and dirty nappies? If so please don't worry. Maybe baby is finding his centile line and will follow the 25th. What centile is his height? If anything, offer an extra feed (e.g. a small bottle in between normal feeds) rather than an extra oz at each feed. But please don't worry, centiles are not the only measure of health.

He seems happy and healthy, lots of wet and dirty nappies. His height is on 91st percentile so he's tall and slim

In my trust, weight dropping down one centile line between weigh ins gets you a feeding plan from the heath visitor (which it sounds like you got OP). Dropping down another centile gets you a referral to paediatrics.

Sounds like your HV was just following a similar algorithm OP. They don't mind what centile they settle on after regaining birth weight etc, but they want them to stay on their curve after that. I'm sure the "we are going to have a problem" was just that she'll have to write a referral if LO keeps dropping centiles.

I'd try and do an extra feed rather than making the feeds bigger if its making LO vom.