Reception kids: normal to not have any close friends?

[IdRatherBeSkiing]

My DS is in reception and thankfully seems to love it. He’s always happy going in/coming out. My only worry is that he doesn’t seem to have made any close friends yet. A lot of the class seems to have split into little cliques/found best friends but he seems to be on the outside. He’s great socially - he has friends outside of school, happily makes friends with kids in the park, and has a 3yo sister who he adores. I’m biased but he’s a lovely, gentle, fun-loving boy who’s easy to get on with. I would say I have noticed him being slightly more shy/reserved around his classmates, though.

I spoke to his teacher, who had no concerns, but I can’t help this niggling worry. A few times he’s told me he didn’t play with anyone that day, or that children have said he can’t play with them. He seems to float about socially, rather than being anyone’s BFF, or top of anyone’s list to play with.

AIBU to worry about this? It’s hard to gauge how normal/common this is. I suppose my worry is that once these friendship groups/cliques have been formed, he might never be able to ‘break in’ - so could he have missed the boat already?

I dont think its abnormal, my reception DD plays with different girls most days. In the morning she runs off and plays, Ive seen her at events mixing well etc. so I have no concerns. I dont think any of them have a bestie or a settled group yet- are you sure others have?
Do you arrange play dates?

My son is the same.

I think it's pretty normal. But I don't blame you for finding it difficult. DS has one v good friend who he has been friends with throughout primary but he never really developed a group or whatever. But the teachers tell me constantly that he is well liked, is involved in group activities, plays with the other children etc and to be fair, DS himself doesn't complain about being unhappy at school.

But it's really frustrating. He didn't get invited to many birthday parties or playdates etc (and to be honest, didn't ask me to set up playdates with others much either) so what can you do. As long as he seems happy, I think that's probably the most important thing.

I work in a Reception class.

Very few of our children have a best friend. Some started off knowing some children better than others (particularly if the children's parents were friends) but once they'd settled in they generally preferred getting to know their new classmates.

It's far more common for them to play with different children each day, and it's usually about whichever activity or game is on offer rather than the child as an individual.

I'm also out on the playground at lunchtimes. It's incredibly rare to see any child completely alone. Even the ones who start a solo activity, like poking sticks in the mud or kicking a ball, will inevitably have other children coming along and joining in. Then there are the older children who 'sweep up' the younger ones to include them in their games.

You’ve described my son!! Exactly the same!! My son seems happy playing with whoever provides them entertainment in the moment!

I could have written this about my DD! Word for word almost. I too have worried about it slightly, as she's occasionally made remarks about so-and-so and so-and-so being "best friends" but ultimately I come back to the fact that a) she's 5- surely plenty of time for things to evolve?! b) as with your son, she seems happy 99% of the time, skips in and out of school and never grumbles. I reckon we should be pretty happy with that?

I think this is totally normal for people in general never mind 5 year olds.

I absolutely cannot bear that “best fwends forever” shit that gets pumped constantly at little girls, real life just isn’t like that and I don’t understand why these messages are so popular. Being best friends with someone is not the goal of life!

I once had another mum ask me why my then 5 year old didn’t have a “best friend”. Her child was very shy and had palled up with another child - they stuck together like glue and wouldn’t let others play with them. I replied no, DD enjoys playing with lots of friends. She other mum pulled a sort of sad face as if having a one on one best friend is an important life experience at age 5. She turned out to be the absolute worst cliquey, bitchy school gate mum ever, her daughters followed her example, the younger one is the most bizarre child, for example if you say “hello how are you?” To her (she’s 6 now) she just stares at you, doesn’t say a word and buries her head in her mum’s top. Her mum allows and facilitates it, so rude. Cliquiness is a habit children catch from their parents. Just ignore and focus on the normal sociable people!!

My daughter is the same! No best friend but seems to flit between people. School said they have no concerns and she gets on well with everyone.
I suppose I find it odd because she had a best friend at nursery, but she was there for years and this is only the first year of school

Totally normal in reception. The only kids in DS's class who had fixed friendships were the ones who consistently saw each other outside of school because their mothers were friends.

My son who is in reception tells me that he doesn't play with anyone. On the way in and out of school other children are shouting his name saying hello, trying to play tig etc so I suspect he's telling porkies.

They usually play with whoever likes playing the same thing as them. Children who have a 'best friend' and won't play with anyone else, or who don't follow their interests because they just want to play with one friend, are a worry. All of this is very common though.

Thanks everyone - it’s really reassuring hearing of other kids who are the same.

Some of the kids definitely know each other outside of school as their parents are friends. My DS seems keen on a group of kids whose parents are friends. He seems to play with them sometimes, but he once said they told him he couldn’t join in. It makes me wonder whether it’s worth him continuing to pursue them (maybe I could even arrange playdates with them individually?) or whether he’d be better off trying to make friends with other kids. Not that I can really choose who he’s friends with!

He's been invited to all the whole class parties, but it’s sad hearing that smaller parties are going on and he’s not being invited, and nobody has asked for a playdate with him, etc.

Very aware that this is a PFB issue and I’m probably overthinking it!

Ah I just found this thread when I was about to post the same questions. My DD is exactly the same and it really stresses me out but I’m a massive other thinker! I’m glad this seems fairly normal though. Like everyone said as long as they are happy and enjoying school.

My DS is the opposite and I worry. Two best friends where they are in a bit of a trio, and then one other friend. Doesn’t play with many other children at play time apparently, always one or more of these three.

Ditto. This is my son to a tee. Such a good way to describe this playing style.

Completely normal.

4-5 is still early for making friends. Teacher isn't concerned so you shouldn't be either.

You osted this a whlle ago now but I am now in a similar position and I wonder how it worked out for your son? Appreciate you might never get this post

I posted above about my elder DC and now my younger DC is Y1 and the same as the OP’s - much more on the edge of friendship groups rather than having a close friend. I worry!

I answered about my daughter who was in reception at the time. She is in year 3 now and has a lovely group of friends, a mix of boys and girls.
Funnily enough, the little girl group that I wished she was part of, have had nothing but problems. One bullying the others and lits of infighting. I'm so glad she's not part of it!

I also answered this about my now year 3. She has a lovely set of friends since yr 1 onwards. I’d say the people she starting to mention more towards the end of reception she isn’t very close to anymore but she’s very happy

Thanks so much for these replies. They have cheered me up. Glad your little ones are thriving.

It's so difficult not to over-worry sometimes so I have given my head a good wobble.

'Springhassprung'- sorry don't know how to tag....- I am sure our wee ones will be fine.

I’ve just found this post as I’m having some worries about my DS going back to school into yr 1. He had to move school and start in a new reception class at the start of May and although he seems happy, he doesn’t seem to have made any friends yet.

We’ve been to a few parties over the summer holidays (including his own) and the other kids in his class seem to run off and play together and leave him out. It makes me feel so sad.

But it’s very reassuring to read others experiences and to know that it isn’t too late for him to make good friends..

Must stop worrying!