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Parenting

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Original poster

Can’t stand DP

32 replies

weblooom · 30/05/2022 23:38

5 months into parenting and I currently fucking can’t stand my DP

Not everyday is like this but wow someone please tell me this goes away?

im really struggling with parenting at the moment I feel so lonely and lost and like I get no help and In all honesty he could help more

ive explained this to him And he tells me to ask him? Ask him? Is he fucking joking just help me with OUR child

im currently raging as I’ve been trying to settle the baby for hours while he sits on his arse. I go to move his cup of cold tea and spill it on myself and he fucking laughs at me?

then proceeds to say “I’m sick of you and your mood swings” when I get annoyed

I might be having mood swings because I’m seriously sleep deprived and haven’t slept longer than 2 hours at a time since last year

Sorry I just need somewhere to rant I feel so fed up we have a good relationship but this past month I’d say he’s getting on my last nerve

OP posts:

MissingGrandstand · 31/05/2022 10:58

Oh @weblooom thank you so much, I'm nearly crying with relief that it isn't just me, I honestly could have written this. It's so hard to get across to people that it isn't necessarily all DP's fault, I spend half my time hating him for not seeing things that need doing for DD and the other half hating myself for hating him!

I second others saying as a first step you need to tell him "you need to have her for x amount of time" and then you get out of there. Obviously the amount of time depends on if you are breast feeding etc, but even if it's just 90 mins you need to leave, otherwise you will end up being just as frustrated when he doesn't pick up on DC's cues as quickly as you do. That at least gives you the short term break.

Long term I'm at a loss as well and I've been agonising over it as it's making me so sad - my DH is a really good dad but I get so frustrated some times, so I'm so thankful to PPs who have said it does go away!

BackToTheTop · 31/05/2022 11:57

Tell him...

Baby is crying, don't you think one of his parents should go to him?

I'm tired out, don't you think it's a good idea you take him out for a few hours whilst I get some sleep

I've been settling the baby for the last 2 hours whilst you sit on your arse, I think it would be a nice idea for you to cook tea and make me a brew?

Tell him, tell him again and again and again

MollyRover · 31/05/2022 12:08

watcherintherye · 31/05/2022 10:54

But I don’t think this -

i’m currently raging as I’ve been trying to settle the baby for hours while he sits on his arse. I go to move his cup of cold tea and spill it on myself and he fucking laughs at me?

is a sign of a new Dad struggling. Struggling to comprehend that yes, a baby is a huge change in both their lives, maybe, and not just hers. Why is the onus on op to communicate? She doesn’t just know either. It’s trial and error for all concerned! It shouldn’t be her role to negotiate the steep learning curve and then ‘cascade’ the info to him. It surely isn’t beyond her dp to say ‘shall I try for a bit?’, change the nappy, sing to the baby etc. etc. without specific instructions?

Show quote history

The onus isn't on her to communicate but it's not tit for tat here- she's doing more than her fair share with the baby clearly but if her actions are telling him one thing and her thoughts are somewhere else that's something that we don't know- moms are superheroes so we can sometimes give the impression of being able to handle it all while falling apart inside. I stupidly told DH that I didn't want to wake him at night because he had to drive to work in the morning when I was on maternity leave. I was exhausted and he was feeling really left out but neither of us were saying anything. He blew up in the end!

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eatthecheesecake · 31/05/2022 22:17

Nope. Nope. You need to lose your shit at him and tell him to step up or fuck off.

Sure you'll feel better when the baby is older and sleeps more. But you shouldn't be this sleep deprived now given you have a partner. Two hours of sleep is not enough. Even my pediatrician said you need 4 hours unbroken every night to manage.

My dh took the baby from when he got home til midnight and I slept in that period. Then I did til 6am. Then he took him off me so I could shower or have breakfast or go back to sleep. He made me food every morning. He did housework. Even when he was working he got up to the baby.
I'm not telling you this to make you feel shitty, just to point out that it isn't normal.

TangyTangerine · 31/05/2022 23:34

He should do his share because it's his baby too but if he's not absolutely ask tell him. At least if you do he won't have yhst excise anymore that he didn't know you needed help. If you have to tell him ten thousand new a day to do something then tell him.

Alternatively, sit him down and work out a plan where you decide who does what when.

Rinatinabina · 01/06/2022 19:46

I didn’t have to tell DH to do anything, he did the first nappy change then cracked on. You shouldn’t have to, having a new baby is a learning curve for both parents. I think its cos they don’t want to know tbh. I imagine they are really good at finding out how to do stuff they actually want to do.

Dontpokedoggyseyessweetheart · 19/12/2022 11:08

Leave him and raise the kids on your own its what I did 😀 take the money and run

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