4mo old and it’s getting harder

[Newmummy2225]

Please tell me there’s light at the end of the tunnel?!

My DD is 4 months and im just not enjoying this as much as I thought I would.

We are currently dealing with sleep regression, but it’s not just that. I just don’t know what to do with her all day! I find it all really monotonous. She seems to cry more now than she ever did as a newborn (or maybe I’ve already forgotten those days!). She can be a dream one day and a grouchy wee monkey the next! So unpredictable!

I am finding myself missing my old life when I was carefree and could do whatever I wanted, when I wanted.

I know there’s no solution, just time, but I think hearing some stories of people feeling like this around this stage and coming out of it happier, would help!

I found birth to about 9 months awful. So boring and anxiety inducing as I never knew what she wanted or felt terrible for not doing the 'right' things to entertain her. Once DD started weaning and moving independently it got a lot easier, and now shes 20 months its so much easier, less having to structure the whole day around naps, can play games and look at books and she's starting to talk. My best advice is go for lots of walks or drives, visit people as much as possible to get a break and try to plan some time out for yourself so you can start getting back some identity that isn't just as a mother. Hang in there, it does get better!

My boy would just sit and stare at me at that age. I had no idea what to do with him. He was cranky but not hungry or tired: I knew he needed stimulation because he was happier when he got it. But OH BOY trying to think of stuff to do.

He showed more interest in doing things when he learned to sit up himself (he had an activity chair that helped him sit). And it does get easier to communicate over time.

I found this book really helpful

Baby Play for Every Day: 365 Activities for the First Year https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0241011647/ref=cmswwrcppapiii_JVGBD9MHGTJTA770VJC8

Hi OP, I had a 4 month old this time last year, and I just found it boring all day long. I couldn't do anything for myself. He wanted to nap on me all day. My back and arms were hurting from carrying him all the time. The sleep regression kicked our ass for 11 long nights. I was brought to tears for the exhaustion. I did my best and passed DS to DH regularly but DS just used to cry for me.

1 year later...DS is a bubbling carefree child with the most beautiful cheeky smile. Babbling mamma every time he sees me, sleeps through the night. Goes on walks with me. Soft play. Nursery rhymes. Plays catch in the park. Stays over grandparents house so I've had a few nights out (and 2 holidays) without him. And it's okay!

The things I told myself at your stage....it's all temporary. They want you because you are their home. You literally were their home for 9 months. Isn't it amazing to feel so wanted and so needed by this little person! Your baby is the person who loves you most in the world and relies on you for everything. And when it's just you and them at night, that is the mamma time to enjoy, midnight cuddles, thinking of when they are older how this won't happen again.

Ah lovely. I hear you. I felt completely the same. 4-6 ish months was really, really hard. It was multifactorial for me. I only just about survived the newborn period and I felt, post 12 weeks, that I didn’t have any more excuses for why I was finding it so hard - DC isn’t a newborn anymore, I should have my shit together. He was also a really fussy, poor sleeper at 4 months and the days felt so long, exhausting and monotonous trying to give him enough, but not too much stimulation. I think the novelty had firmly worn off as well. I was desperate to just experience life away from being permanently ‘needed’.

It gets better, but to be honest I mostly found maternity leave and the baby stage a bit of an exhausting drag. It did definitely get better though at ~ 6 months - starting food gave the day more structure, learning to sit up made DS happier and he LOVED being forward facing in the sling.

DS is now a gorgeous little rascal of a toddler and I’m working 70% and life is really good. No regrets. Being honest I had loads of regrets at 4 months PP. Good luck

Ah thank you all! Thank you for not making me feel like the worst mummy in the world! It really does help to know others have felt the same!!

@AliceW89 totally agree about the 12 week thing and I kept reading after the “fourth trimester” it gets easier, but I’ve found the opposite! Glad it’s not just me!

4 months was the toughest time for me, we got hit so hard by the 4 month sleep regression and he went through a really fussy period around this time too. 5 months and 6 months were brilliant!

I found the first year tedious being off work on an extended maternity leave. Thought I'd do amazingly as I love time to myself, then had the reality that it is in no way/shape or form, time to yourself. 😂 I had books lined up that I never read or opened. Days planned that I was too tired for. Covid was on so everything/one was fraught with anxiety.

3- 11 months were bloody hard work especially with all the breastfeeding and naps. Endless naps that were hard work as she would never do them in the car or pram.

@shivawn thank you! That is encouraging! Hopefully better times are near!

@BigOldBlobber haha yea! My idea of mat leave vs the reality has been extremely different!

I felt exactly the same, absolutely detested mat leave. I ended up returning to work full time earlier than planned when DS was 7.5 months. Saved my sanity, although it was exhausting for the first few months. He's 3.5 now and I'd say from around 18 months I've genuinely got something out of the time we spend together each day. Young babies are just so boring, at least to some people (like me)!

@GiltEdges Glad to hear things improved for you! 18 months seems a long way off, but I guess it’s not in the grand scheme of things!

Did things improve OP? x

Gosh yes! I don’t even recognize myself in this post to be honest!!

I have enjoyed being a mummy so much more the older she gets. She’s 3 now and I just love the bones of her.

I just don’t think the baby months are for me! They are repetitive, boring and mentally exhausting! Toddlers are so much better!

Hope you’re ok? Lemme know if you have any questions and I’ll try to remember. The first year is a blur in all honesty x

@Newmummy2225 thank you so much for replying. That’s great to hear. I have a 4.5 month old and I’ve found the whole thing really difficult so far. She’s really difficult to keep happy - has always cried a lot. Always the only baby crying all the way through baby sensory class - we’ve never been able to join in most of it. I can’t take her anywhere. Haven’t dared take her out to a meal or coffee shop since she was about 6 weeks old as she just gets annoyed so quickly and screams. The most we do is a short walk to the shop everyday and baby sensory once a week- which I’ve just found upsets me how chilled all the other babies are. She definitely gets frustrated so I’m praying things will improve once she can roll, sit, crawl etc x

Hi @TinkerTinkerbelle I just came across this thread and wanted to chime in because your DD sounds a lot like mine was at the same age! Always the one crying in baby sensory classes, just very sensitive overall, hard to take out and about etc. She is now 1 and honestly it is night and day how much easier things are! She is still an emotional little soul and can be quick to cry, but this now also manifests as being sooo loving (always giving us kisses, cuddles, laughing, joyful) and it is much easier to figure out and solve WHY she is crying! The baby classes improved massively for us around 6-7 months coinciding with when she learnt to sit up by herself. Before that it was just miserable for us both 😅 Maybe take a break and try again in a couple of months time. At just before 6 months I switched her to the sitting up, outward facing pram seat and this helped with going out. Solids also helped her, as she never got on that well with milk. But anyway, 4-5 months was the absolute worst time for us, but from around 8/9 months onwards it has been an upward trajectory! Hang in there! x

@lenalove Thank you! What a lovely message. That’s so great to hear. I’m pray this will be true for us. Thanks again xx