Warning to parents

[Yahyahs22]

So I over heard my niece and nephews (young teenagers) discuss some videos and pictures that were sent to them. I was beyond disturbed about what I heard. Apparently its the new norm for these kids to send and receive horrific pictures and videos. Think illegal and the worst thing imaginable. I was asking questions like how on earth do they get hold of such things and I was told twitter and Instagram, seems they're quite lax..
I obviously told their parents who were MORTIFIED.
Just a warning to make you sure children aren't getting sent anything like this as they tend not to report it to their parents.

I used to think that parents "spying" on their kids was amoral, but now I think it's absolutely necessary for parents to know what is happening on their kids' devices to be able to protect. At least up untill a certain age.

As a teacher it doesn't shock me at all. Last parents I had to speak to about something 'online/social media/ WhatsApp' related, were absolutely adament that they monitored their 10 year old's phone use. When it came down to it, they took their child's phone off them at 9pm on a school night. That was it. (white, middle class, well educated, good jobs). They had no idea what was being shared.

Most of the kids in my year 6 class (10-11 year old) said that they would not tell their parents if they were being bullied via their phone or sent anything that upset them because their parents would just take their phones off them. That 100% (terrified me and) made me think about how I'd approach it with my own children.

Apparently its the new norm for these kids to send and receive horrific pictures and videos. Think illegal and the worst thing imaginable

Doesn't surprise me. Round here they're all wearing socks with sandals this year. Unbelievable atrocities on every street corner

Even after hearing what I heard your responses are still shocking to me. The fact that no one yet has gasped at my post is truly upsetting. I also found out most kids had watched a video of a man on Facebook like shoot himself in the head made my heart sink.

Facebook live*

I never thought I would hear myself thinking this but Mary Whitehouse was right. And now look where we are.

I really don’t want my daughter to have a phone until she’s 13/14. Am I being an idiot to think that will happen?

Yes…. Unfortunately it’s almost impossible unless you genuinely live on a remote island.

That was to @Katya213 , no idea why ‘reply’ didn’t work…

I actually want to cry, she’s so innocent at this age, want to keep her like that for as long as possible.

Niece and nephews in question are that age and have seen things I couldn't even imagine seeing myself, a woman in her 30's.
Also a separate niece is 12 and has social media and I've warned her parents about this situation.
Don't forget you can give your daughter a phone but she doesn't have to have social media and WhatsApp can be closely monitored

You can enforce this if you like, but it will cripple her social life and she'll probably hate you for it from the age of 11.

Why would anyone gasp at your post? We're all adults, who are well aware of the dangers lurking on social media. There's some really heinous content out there, available on common sites with very little searching. Some of it can bypass parental controls due to how it's labelled/tagged. It's nothing surprising.

My DD isn't old enough for a phone yet but when she is I will be checking it; we'll have a chat about why I need to do that, and that I'm not trying to invade her privacy, but that is a necessity to keep her safe.

I am not going to gasp, because I am aware of the internet and the world, my son is going into, I can keep him as safe as I can, I am not brilliant at certain social media sites, but I have friends that do and I use them to find out the trends and general shit that is going on, to keep me prepared and keep him away from them.

I honestly think as a parent its up to me, to know the shit that is going on, such as the man that commited suicide live. That was before DS had a phone, I monitor his phone closely, but I am also well aware there are parents out there that don't and so his friends are going to show him shit on their phones, there is limit on what I can do about his friends but a hell of a lot I can do about his phone and one of the conditions as to why he gets his phone is I monitor it closely.

I will also say, what him and his friends talk about his very very very boring, same with the shit he searches on youtube, but it is my duty as a parent to know just like I feel its my duty as a parent to know the crap that is trending on the various social media sites

It doesn’t surprise me because this isn’t anything new with the internet. My teen years were the Wild West days of the internet and I was all over pro-Ana and suicide boards. Videos of executions, beastiality and suicides were easily downloaded (in fact often accidentally) in the days of Napster and Pirate Bay.

I have this argument all the time with friends. There is very little you can do to stop your teens seeing stuff - you can't monitor it 24/7 and most teens are better equipped than their parents to get round filters etc. Of course you can try your best to restrict stuff but it's so much more important to start young talking to the kids about the types of things they may see and have open conversations about them being prepared to switch off/delete/tell you about it. And yes that means talking to them at a young age about porn and violence which I know many of my friends don't want to but i really feel it's better to help prepare them.

@NameChangeNameShange And yes that means talking to them at a young age about porn and violence which I know many of my friends don't want to but i really feel it's better to help prepare them.

100% this. I remember my dad talking to me about porn when I was about 12, how it doesn't accurately represent sex in real life, and how most women don't look like that (and most men don't want them to). At the time I was mortified but as an adult I was grateful, and wished he'd done more of it actually. One conversation was helpful but didn't really go into consent, the ethics of how porn is produced, violence in relationships etc. I was surprised, as an adult, to discover that most of my friends' parents hadn't had a similar conversation with them.

I've been thinking about this a lot as my daughter will be 11 next year and this seems to be the age for getting a phone.

I would honestly prefer not to get her one but equally do not want her to be left out.

I was thinking no social media, just messages and what's app. Do some people do this?
Also when people say 'check their phone', do you have specific apps that show you what they've been looking at? Thx!

When my ds started secondary school I offered to buy him a phone and was a bit stumped when he said no thanks . Then he said all people use them for is 'sending dick pics and bullying'.
At the time I felt a bit sad, that he didn't trust his friends but it doesn't seem to cause any issues. He uses video game messaging which is text only, with his best friend, and has an email account which I monitor.
I'm starting to think maybe I'm lucky.

I'd rather my daughter hated me for a bit than was exposed to extreme porn at the age of 12, actually. I think this is an irresponsible argument. It is the job of parents to (among other things) protect their children even when the children don't want to be protected.

Mind you, if you want your 12 year old to be protected from seeing extreme porn, you might have to keep her out of school/ school buses/ choose her school very carefully as well. That is where it genuinely gets very difficult.

In the age of the Internet, children have already seen much more than we do.

In my year 10 form there are two students who don’t have phones. I know this because the students have to hand their phones in at the start of the school day and don’t get them back until end of school day.

Parents confirm this is true, so clearly not all teenagers have phones. These two teens are happy and sociable, one is likely to be head boy next year.

not having a phone does not mean not having a social life. These teens manage just fine without them.

Best of British luck to anyone able to not give their child a phone until 16. We held
out til year 7 it was tough and we were risking Dd hating us and being ostracised as a direct result of our parenting choice. We had lots of tears. This is really not easy.

This hand-wringing about kids & the Internet amazes me.

My DC get phones when they go to secondary school (in Ireland so they are older than the UK. 12 or 13)

I start with really strict filters, and permissions ie my 12 yo cannot access any apps without my sign in & websites are restricted. I check their usage - either via parental apps or looking at phones.

There is none of the distressing content OP mentions being shared in my older DC group (15).

They are around me a lot & I keep an eye on what is happening.

My 10 yo (no phone) has seen stuff - nothing terrible but just not content I want him looking at - on his father's phone as he is lax & just hands it to him & then he's on YouTube unfiltered.

I already know that DS will need more monitoring than the other 2. I speak a lot to them about usage, what's appropriate etc. I feel comfortable with their usage & my level of supervision.

Why would we'll informed decent parents 'gasp' at your post? This might be new news to you, but it's not to most of us.

you haven't discovered something, you're late to the party.