Shouting / telling my daughter off

[mumb7]

So I feel like the worlds worst mum right night I shouted at my 5 year old well more of told her and said she was being really naughty and wouldn't listen to me to put her belt on so I said I was going to take her to the police station ( so they could explain why it's important) didn't realise the car had answered picked up my husbands call in the house and his dr heard me ( not sure how long) now I feel terrible and that I will be reported to child services. I can't remember exactly what I said so now my mind is racing ( did I swear , I seriously doubt it , ) but I can't switch off.

Please don't use the police as a threat to your child - it positions them as the enemy, people to be scared of, which is really not good.

Shouting isn't a big deal as long as you explain and apologise after, and going forwards I'd stick to one warning and then a reasonable, proportionate consequence, rather than endless nagging and an eventual explosion.

Unlikely you'll get reported to SS for yelling, unless what you were saying was actually abusive, in which case having SS involved could be helpful as they will be able to offer you support and things like parenting courses.

Thank you for your reply, she knows the police is good and it was more to speak to her about putting her belt on and keeping it on as she often takes off. But I understand not to use that as a threat. Nothing was abusive so thank you I did feel terrible and talked to her afterwards. UsuallyI can manage it and I think that's why I feel so bad it was out of character for me.

To be honest, pick your battles. If she doesn't want to wear a belt, get her trousers that don't need one. Belts are a PITA and not something I'd expect a 5yr old to be wearing at all!

I think the OP means a seatbelt in a car?

Sorry for the confusion I meant her seatbelt in the car

Ahhhh I see! Yeah that's not optional and I would have lost my shit too. Completely changes my response as well, I think mentioning the police RE car safety is proportionate.

I remember very clearly going through this phase as a child, and my dad telling me once to put my belt back on, and then if I didn't, pulling the car over and sitting in silence until I complied. I don't think I did it more than once or twice.

It’s concerning that you are more concerned about what others think than the impact on your child.

Never use the police as a threat. Your child should not be made to be scared of the police.

the car had answered picked up my husbands call in the house

What does this mean?

Sorry I am not concerned I feel terrible it so out of character and I have sat her down and talked to her about this and emotions and the importance of emotions. I am devastated about this

Sorry I am not concerned about what people think and I am worried about the impact on my daughter I feel terrible it so out of character for me and I have sat her down and talked to her about this and emotions and the importance of emotions. I am devastated about this.

i think everyone as been here at some point for telling their child off I hear all the time how guilty a friend has felt for telling their child off or for shouting. Just explain why you rested the way you did, no one is a perfect parent it's hard and we do make mistakes but we learn from them and learn how to react to situations. Just like others have said the police is proportionate to explain the importance of wearing a belt. I think you need to take a breathe and relax and try not to worry you can't worry about sorry that has happened.

It means she was sitting on the drive trying to get her DD to put her belt on, and the car bluetooth had connected to her husband's phone which was still in range as she was still right next to the house, his doctor phoned him, and the car picked up the call (or perhaps DH accepted the call not realising the it would come through the car).

Happens with me and DP a lot - connects to the phone in the house before it will connect to the one actually inside the car!

Thanks LindaEllen.

OP I'm sure it will be fine, just have a wee chat with your daughter and apologise and move on. Try not to dwell on it.

Try not to over think things it's fine you know you were wrong. Just talk to your daughter. Lots of us have maybe said something or shouted with out thinking, we all feel terrible after.

I'd agree with PP about not making the police out to be the bad guys, but otherwise say what you want, this is absolutely not negotiable.

Why doesn't she want to wear it, might the straps need adjusting or a bit of padding around a part where it rubs her?