3 year old says I'm mummy and daddy?

[1withme]

Just turned 3 year old dd, in the past week. Her dad and I split up 2 months ago. Wasn't a nasty split, we're working together well at keeping things calm for dd, though it's obviously a big change and an upset for her.

This afternoon she came back from spending 2 hours with dad and she told me, "Mummy like mummy and daddy." I asked her what she meant and she repeated it. At first I thought she meant I like daddy, but she said no, "You need two, mummy is two. Mummy and daddy."

I'm a bit shocked and wondering if this is a normal thing for her to come out with? I certainly haven't said anything like that (though it is true I do 99.9% of the parenting and have since she was born) I want her to have a healthy as possible relationship with her dad. The only other place she could have heard it is from nursery, but I can't imagine they'd tell her something like this?

My point of the post is really, could dd have already worked out that mum does everything? It seems so young for her to think these things.

Does seem odd considering she has contact with her dad, I have 4 kids and they don’t see their dad at all but they have never said anything like that, they just say that they don’t have a dad.

That's why I'm wondering if she's repeating an adult, but like I say the only place she could get it from is nursery and I think it's a bit weird if they've been telling her that?

You're massively overthinking it. Kids say all sorts of things that don't mean what adults think they do.

She probably just means she doesn't see much difference between the two of you.

Could it be your ex has said something or a family member?

She could have been saying "you need too/to, Mummy is too/to.

I don't know what she meant and it may be that you'll never know, but I wouldn't ave interpreted it as per your title at all.

She probably means something entirely different!

Let's hope it's just toddler ramblings then! I don't think dad would be very impressed if he heard her saying it and thinks it's something I've told her.

This afternoon she came back from spending 2 hours with dad and she told me, "Mummy like mummy and daddy." I asked her what she meant and she repeated it. At first I thought she meant I like daddy, but she said no, "You need two, mummy is two. Mummy and daddy."
Could he have said something like this when she was with him? At 3 you won’t get to the bottom of it in a sensible way.

Does he want to get back together? It's more likely he's said something than nursery.

I think you might be reading more into the situation than is there.
my 2 year old says all sorts of weird things that could mean anything, including “daddy out drinking with Tina” we have no idea who Tina is but he’s convinced she exists and we are teetotal so has no experience of “drinking”

See dd was speech delayed and didn't even say Dada until 2. So we haven't experienced any made up sentences yet! I've obviously read too much into it.

"You need two, mummy is two. Mummy and daddy."

Actually, this could mean her dad has said she needs two parents, and she's simply saying daddy makes one and mummy makes two.

I was a single mother. I had Father’s Day cards a few times, as the children were told to give them to “whoever does the Daddy things in your house”. Sounds similar.

@worraliberty that makes a lot more sense! I think you're right, daddy is one and mummy is two. Silly me 😂

Could they have been talking about Father's Day at nursery? Some people have a mummy and a daddy, and some people have just a mummy, and she is mum and dad?

I think jumping to the conclusion that she means you do the job of both parents says more about you than her. As soon as I read it I assumed she meant mummy is one and daddy is two - ie she has picked up on you have separated and wants both parents

It’s coming up to Fathers Day so could be something they’ve said there. Like “if your daddy doesn’t live with you maybe you can make a card for your mummy instead as she is like two parents”.

It's a bit early for Father's Day stuff at nursery.

Why would nursery possibly say "if daddy doesn't live with you"?

She still has regular contact with her dad.

At our nursery there are children with one parent because the other has passed away, id be astounded if they used terminology like you've suggested.

Yes nursery has been focusing on the jubilee I believe. I think worra hit the nail and the head and she meant daddy is one (parent) and mummy is two (another parent)

If it's not a nasty spilt why would he assume you'd told her something like that?

It could me many of other reasons and my first thought was it was her little minds way of understand why you're doing everything that he would, so like she's seeing you put her to bed every night and her dad is no longer doing it then to her, that's you being Mummy and Daddy, She may well picture him as mummy and daddy during her time with him and it doesn't have to be her Dad saying it to her.

I really wouldn't worry about it and if her dad is doing what's best for his daughter and keeping things calm , he shouldn't jump to assuming you've been saying you're now mummy and daddy to her.

Forgive my typing, it's been a long day!

I think you are reading too much into this. My 3 year old asked me yesterday if my tuppence (vagina) has a door with a doorbell 🤷🏻‍♀️

Don’t know if I’ll explain this properly but I will try. Whether it shines any light on this situation I am unsure!! I remember my friend telling me about being out with her little one and her pointing to another woman and saying’Mummy’ and my friend saying ‘No! I’m Mummy!’ feeling pretty offended!! My (not sadly pretty fatherless) son calling his friend’s dad ‘Daddy’. Probably because he assumed it was his name. After that we called hiM Daddy-Pete 🤗

I have just realised when put together like this this could be demonstrating 2 polar ideas about mummies and daddies!! One thought it meant - I guess - the word assigned to those female people that go around with children with them! And my son thought that was Pete’s name…? Or was he also calling him Daddy as he was a male person that go around with children with them…?
Basically, then, I guess my point is, the concept of mummy and daddy takes some getting your head around! Who knows what your lo meant!!

Alternative scenario...

Your ex has introduced a lady friend and DD is trying to get her head round 2 'mums'.

I think you're overthinking! My 3 year old was convinced she was a cat for a long time 😀