Working mum guilt

[Jottie123]

So, I’m still on maternity leave but will be returning to work in September. I will be working Monday to Friday, 9-5, in a new job. Previous job was shift work including weekends, early starts, evening and nights so this way I get every weekend and evening/bedtime with little one and it will be more flexible.

My heart is breaking at the thought of them spending more time with someone else than me. I’ve dragged my maternity out as long as possible with annual leave, unpaid leave etc, I will have to return in September when little one is around 11 months.

Childcare wise little one will be at nursery or childminders x4 days a week, with my partner (their dad) one day in the week and then with me and him at weekends.

Someone tell me the mum guilt gets easier? Am I being completely unreasonable thinking they’ll get more attached to someone else than me because they’re with them 4 days a week? Will they be okay without me and their usual routine? I know so many people do it and that I won’t be the first or the last, I just need some reassurance! :(

It will get easier. The first few days, perhaps weeks, will be hard for sure. You’ve spent every single day togather since they were born, of course it’s going to be hard, at first. But I promise you and baby will get into a routine and it will get easier.

It does get easier and I actually found it was much better once I was back at work - like the time we were together was somehow higher quality as it was limited?! I also enjoy our time together a lot more than I did on maternity leave because I'm more rested, spent more time in adult company etc. Yes, they form attachments with others, and that's an important part of growing up, but it's different to the attachment to their parent.

I went back to work both times when my babes were 11 months. They adjusted immediately and had no issues settling and were quite contented.

It took me about 3 months to get my routine sorted and I found working quite tiring to start with.

I went back when my DS was 8 months old. He goes to nursery full time and absolutely loves it. Now 17 months and still loving it. Agree with the above the evenings and weekends just feel higher quality now

If you didn't work would you be able to keep a roof over your child's head? Feed them? Buy clothes?
Your children need all these things. Mum guilt is all well and good but unless you are just choosing to work to get away from the children it's misplaced.
I'm a childminder and have to remind parents every day that working is a necessity and the children really don't suffer like you think.

Is there any chance you could go back a few weeks earlier, so that for the first weeks you can work 3 days, to build up to the full five days gradually? That way you can both get used to it by the time it’s five days a week.

I went back full-time when my first was 8 months old and still breastfeeding. I was very worried but it was fine. She went to a wonderful childminder 5 days a week but I had weekends, bank holidays, annual leave and parental leave with her. She formed a close bond with her childminder but it didn't affect our bond at all. She had a brilliant time playing with the other kids and learnt so much. My daughter started school super confident and academically ahead (and continues to be).

Before I returned to work, my friend told me 'When they are happy, you will be happy' and I found this to be very true! Good luck.