**TW: Historic Child Abuse** What to do about sleepovers

[Cyro]

Trigger Warning: Mention of Sexual Assault

When I was a young child, I was sexually assaulted by a teenage boy. This happened while I was sleeping over at a relative’s house. I’ve never told my family but have told a couple of friends and have discussed it briefly in counselling.

I now have a 7 year old daughter and I don’t want what happened to me to stop her from doing the things she should be doing at her age. She’s been invited to a sleepover with a friend and I just feel really anxious. I’ve no reason at all to believe anyone in the friend’s house poses a risk to her (otherwise I wouldn’t let her go obviously!) but my parents probably believed the boy who assaulted me posed no risk either.

How do I manage this? I feel like I should go back to counselling and discuss it again as it’s obviously still an issue for me. But I feel like if I keep turning down invites it’s going to appear rude and they’ll stop offering. I desperately want to keep her safe but I don’t want to wrap her up in cotton wool.

7 is too young for a sleepover IMO.
I wasn't allowed on any until year 6 and it will be the same for my children. Just say you feel she's a bit young/not ready, how about a play date instead.... Sleepovers at that age certainly won't be common and many parents will say that!
Worry about this again in a few years.
Some counselling might be good for you, for your benefit not to encourage you to push your child into things she's too young for.

I don’t let mine go for sleepovers at other people’s house, unless it’s a relative. Not just because of sexual abuse concerns but because I don’t think they need to be sleeping out as young kids in houses I haven’t fully seen etc. I generally just say ‘oh you can play with Katie in the day!’ If nothing else they’d get no sleep and I’m pretty sure I’d be trekking out to get them at about 1am.

Thank you both for your responses, I’m relieved that you both think 7 is too young as I’m very happy to wait a few more years, I just didn’t want her to miss out because of my worries.

In the meantime I think I’ll revisit this in counselling so I feel more prepared when the time comes that she is old enough.

I think you’ve really got a balanced and sensible attitude, and looking at it in counselling to deal with your feelings is a great idea. Personally I do think 7 is way too young to sleep out. I would let mine once they were older. I would want them to firstly have a mobile phone and secondly be mature enough that we could have a proper conversation about how they can phone me at any time, how to safeguard themselves etc.

Also I understand the struggle of wanting to wrap your kids in cotton wool to protect them from the struggles you had at their age. It’s really difficult.