Touching baby’s bum

[JosieK8]

Hi all, my dad often babysits for us and I notice he touches our daughter’s bum a lot, sometimes like a playful tap or to comfort or to hold her. She is 10 months old and isn’t bothered by it but it makes my husband uncomfortable and he wants me to tell him to stop. Do you think it is normal? Thanks in advance

I've always patted baby's bums to comfort them, you know your baby/dad/dh though. If your gut tells you it's inappropriate ask him not to

Bare bottom or pats through nappy?

Patting their bums is how i used to soothe mine, I also used to want to kiss and bite them when they were naked.

You're really going to have to explain things a lot better before anyone can offer an opinion.

I would pat my children’s bums when they were that age, they find it very comforting. My mother in law used to get my daughter to sleep instantly by doing this too. Personally I wouldn’t see anything wrong with it.

I still stroke my daughter's bum sometimes when she's going to sleep and she's 8. In itself it's pretty natural, and babies' bums are adorable but does he seem obsessive or like he's getting any weird gratification from it? That's where it would cross a line, for sure.

Need more info.

Is there a reason why your dad makes your DH uncomfortable?
How was your dad growing up?
Do you pat your baby's bum? (I pat my DDs bum all of the time!)
Is your DF going purposely for DDs bum or just comfort patting etc

Bum pats through clothes/nappy is kind of standard baby-soothing isn't it? I always did it to DD and do it when I'm holding my friends' babies! It just feels like a natural thing to do when holding a baby IMO.

Is there any other reason for your husband to believe your dad is up to anything nefarious?

My dad was very repressed about any kind of physical contact when I was a kid, he would never play rough on the floor or have me climb on him or tickle me or anything like that as he thought it was 'inappropriate' for some reason.

I don't understand how you couldn't pat a baby's bum. It's just a natural thing to do to soothe and cuddle them.

Fairly nature I think.

Wanting to bite them isnt something I can say i felt though! Hope you didn't!!

Completely normal, especially to comfort. Babies are in the womb are naturally led around being bounced around while the mother moves, once they’re out they find that same comfort from being rocked and patted on back or bum and this lasts up to a couple years.
Just curious when you say touches bum when to hold her, what other way to do so? As in how else to hold a baby that age if not arm/ hand under bottom

I know what you mean my Dad was the same but with Ds, very touchy, but not kisses or hugs. I felt quite uncomfortable especially as they were very conservative hands off parents to me. However I appreciate I cannot remember being a baby/ toddler, so I have no idea what they did. My Dad was very aggressive. They don't have other grandchildren. I just tried to limit any holding and always supervised them. My parents would say I was over the top about the supervision and I'm still very cautious, they never have my children alone or go into their rooms alone with them. It maybe paranoid, in my heart I want to think my Dad and Mum ( more Dad) are decent people, but something feels off. I probably only see my parents out of FOG, but I wish I could be a normal loving family, where my parents would take out my kids or have them for sleepovers.

Yea context is everything with this one.
if you mean he occasionally taps her bottom over clothes/nappy as he’s rocking her , then that is fairly standard.

obviously if he’s hyper focused on her bottom, touching her bottom in other ways etc then it’d be concerning.

is you oh concerned about any of your fathers other behaviour or just that?

Seems completely normal to me, unless there is a huge back story?

It seems normal to me

Ok....
So... Haven't you seen loads and loads of people comforting babies like this? It's quite normal . And your husband thinks your dad is trying to sexually assault your child, even though there's nothing in your post to suggest your dad was inappropriate with you?

The bum pat, bounce and shush is the standard baby settler is it not?? I feel like so much more context is needed!

I pat my baby's bum a hundred times a day!

seriously ??

Pats her bum? Doesn't everyone do this to comfort them?

Unless you have any reason to think your dad is a sexual predator, it sounds to like your DP is the one with the issues here. Patting a baby's bum is like the most natural thing in the world! It's no more sexual than squeezing their cheeks or kissing their heads. Weird projection going on there in your DP's mind. Is he very possessive of your daughter?

We are living very sad times when even the smalles gesture is misinterpreted… I pat, and kiss and cuddle and hold my little one a gazillion times a day because I am her mother and I love her. We will end up growing in cages for fear of being misinterpreted. I am very well aware of the predators out there, but seriously…