When can a child decide they don't want to go to their dads as much?

[Myster]

Legally my daughter has to go to her dads every Saturday but she's almost 12 and would rather go out with friends. Does she get any say?

Unless there is some good reason why she doesn't want to go then no I don't think she has a choice. Can she not talk to dad about switching up the days so that she gets the occasional Saturday to hang out with friends?

It’s 12

Legally, I don't know, it'll depend on the exact terms of the agreement. But if your ex is reasonable then it seems unfair that all her socialising should come out of your time with her and he always gets dedicated time. Would he be prepared to switch days sometimes if she had plans - like have her on a Sunday? Of course, it depends on whether you're able to negotiate with him or whether it all has to go through lawyers.

Thanks guys. She's bored going there most of the time, he's not very cooperative hence having to go to court. She wants to be out with her friends all the time.

She does have a choice. You cannot physically force a child that age to go to contact. I wouldn’t want to spend every Saturday with my dad at that age.
Op I’d let him know that she is extremely unhappy at spending her Saturdays sat with her dad. Offer him alternatives and/or ask him for other suggestions which may work for him. If he digs his feet in then I’d simply tell him she’ll no longer be spending her Saturdays there so he’ll have to take you back to court. If he does, by the time it happens she’ll be at an age where the courts won’t force any contact at all

Thank you for your help!

When she's almost a teenager, spending time with friends is really important and parents fade into the background - though of course they are still needed.

If her father still lives nearby and has an adequately sized home seeing him can be combined with seeing her mates. Go over after breakfast, see her mates at his house or in town, tea and catch up afterwards then back to your place.

The problem is if parents are geographically separated. I think more flexibility is needed then. When friends have exciting trips and/or parties on Saturday then kind parents will acknowledge these are important events.

If she can't attend these occasions, effectively your daughter is being penalised because her parents opted to separate.

She's old enough to have her wishes taken into account (they do from a very young age), but the courts aren't likely to look favourably if she is just bored and wants to socialise. It would probably be more productive to try to get him to agree to let her see friends sometimes during his contact days, if he's not too far away. So it's still 'his' day but she's out for part of it. Not every week and not the whole day.

I do sympathise, my DD is in a similar position (although not court ordered, so that's easier).

It’s a shame the dad can’t be more reasonable. Does he see her in the week?
Is it a casual arrangement or is there a court order?
If its the only time he see’s her than I can understand him standing his ground, to reduce time further would significantly impact their relationship.

She only goes on a Saturday and it's legally binding. I'll have a chat with my daughter and work something out as it's only one day she sees him. I might suggest to pick her up a little earlier so she can see her friends in the afternoon.