What should I be doing?

[evwAnxious]

Hi :) I'm a first time Mam. My son is 8 weeks + 5 days old. I'm just wondering if I'm doing enough for him. I seem to see loads of things popping on places like instagram, where Mams are doing all sorts of creative activities with their babies. And I'm worried that I should be doing more?

He's breastfed, feeds every 3 hours, and most of the time naps in between. When he doesn't sleep we do cuddles, time in his bouncer, time on his playmat, tummy time and looking at those black and white images or a mirror. And if he is still awake (calm) and I put him down I feel guilty that I should be doing something else with him.

I really lack confidence and feel like I should know what I'm doing by now. I think I'm particularly worried because my son is still not smiling when, according to the HV, he should be by now (for reference, he was born at 39+2 by elective caesarean) and the docs said if he's not smiling by week 12 I have to make an appointment.

Any advice would be welcome! Hoping I'm just being hard on myself...xx

First bit of advice would be to get off Instagram!. It will only make you feel guilty and the pictures and videos are misleading!

My little is 13 weeks now and is similar. She didn't smile until 9/10 weeks so please don't panic about that.

It sounds like you are doing more than enough. Babies this age only 'need' to eat and sleep. Everything is stimulation for them. Simply listening and watching is enough.

It's so easy to feel guilty and like you need to buy all the toys and gadgets but it's not true! Think about how different generations were brought up and with what and you will remember it's not necessary at all!

Babies also need some time by themselves to process, listen and think. Leaving them alone for short periods is not a bad thing. If they are not in distress use it as an opportunity to make a cuppa or do something for yourself!

Love cuddles, sleep and food are the important things! You're doing a great job!

It sounds like you're doing everything you should be at this stage and for many weeks to come :)

I felt exactly the same with my DS and worried when at 3/4 months he didn't take an interest in things like messy play but it will come. He's now 16 months old and I wished I hadn't worried, he gets stuck into everything now (soft play, messy play, painting, puzzles, you name it, he's all over it), but only recently have I realised these sorts of more structured activities are suitable for kids at least his age, if not older.

Best thing for younger babies is anything sensory and lots of time singing, reading, cuddles, bubbles, coloured lights, etc and you can throw a bit of taste safe messy play in there too (some baby groups offer this which saves you the clean up!).

Yeah, I did nothing but feed my boy the first 3 months (it's all he wanted to do!!).

Definitely do look out for smiles; apart from that, go see the mirror baby every now and then? Read books to him for language development? Even your books would be fine!

These are just ideas; any bonding you do is good for babies really!

Also a first time mum here.
I too felt like I wasnt doing enough and worried my DD was behind with her development. She isnt at all but the image we see on social media is often that of perfect parenting which makes you feel youre not doing enough.

When DD was the same age as your son I would feed every 2-3 hours and in between let her play on her playmet, give her light up/musical toys to look at/touch/grab, black and white books, water playmat, read or sing to her and generally let her watch what I was doing.
I did find a really nice instagram page called 'an activity a day' which is from a teacher/nanny and parent herself. She has lots of lovely ideas which I have used for DD and she thoroughly enjoys them.

At this age though, enjoy lots of cuddles and really cherish the newborn phase.
Whilst I struggled alot initially, DD is now 6 months old and has changed so much. I do miss her being tiny but love the little character she is developing.

You sound like you're doing great. My son is the same age. The only thing you might want to add is a bit if outside time. Walk in the pram, sling, or often I'll just do tummy time on a blanket outside. He seems to like the difference sensory wise.

First bit of advice would be to get off Instagram!

This.

Feed one end. Keep the other end clean. Enjoy cuddles. That's actually all you need to do. All the nonsense won't make a baby do something before it is ready.

Make sure to smell the head a lot though. Very important developmentally

Absolutely nothing wrong with lying him down while you have a cuppa. I always felt it was good for them, gives them a chance to move their limbs freely, learn to roll etc. My first wouldn’t be put down for more than a minute without screaming, but my second loved her playmat at that age. Ours has a mirror on it and she would spend ages staring at herself, or she liked sitting in her bouncy chair watching me potter while chatting and singing to her. I don’t think I’d even dug the other baby toys back out at that age.

She’s nearly 5 months now and I still leave her to chill on the mat until she grumbles or rolls off it. She’s more active with the toys on it now, and also enjoys her activity centre, examining her other toys, or being read to on my knee, but at 9 weeks I was mainly feeding, cuddling and talking to her.

You won’t ever truly feel like you know what you’re doing by the way. I’m 5 years in and still feel like I’m making it up with my second. You sound like you’re doing great.