Does your child have ADHD? What were they like at 5?

[Neuroq]

I suspect my son has ADHD. If your child has it, what were they like as a five year old?

DS1
Very active
Awful sleeper
Anxious about school
Scared of loud noises (hypersensitive)
Very emotional
Very intense - required a lot of attention, but gave a lot back too (very loving)
Disliked colouring in/crafts (although this could be his dyspraxia )
Not dry at night (this is well documented for ADHD)
Still needed me sitting with him to go to sleep
Needed to be out the flat at least twice a day

DS2
Even more active- never stopped moving ever. Wouldn't sit through a program on the tv let alone a film.
Awful sleeper
Anxious about school - but internalised it way more than DC1 (probably because DC1 drained our attention)
Very bubbly and giggly
Had his hearing tested age 2 as he would just totally ignore what we were saying when playing with toys
Had to tell him many times to get dressed etc as he'd get distracted
Idem crafts
Idem not dry at night
Can't concentrate on board games
Still needed me sitting with him to go to sleep
Needed to be out the flat at least twice a day

Both have ADHD and dyspraxia. Both present fairly differently. Both have very high activity levels and are uninterested in crafts.

Both are extremely loving. But both require a lot of support and attention.

Luckily DH and I are very active and sporty so we do a lot with them.

That's the thing, they are all different. DD, some sensory stuff (couldn't wear 99% of shoes, socks and no jeans or stiff fabrics). But by then she slept (after two years of not). She never ever stopped moving, chewing, fidgeting except when hyper focused. Loved being dirty, messy, cold, hot but one label or thread was like someone was murdering her. I hate to say it but pretty poorly behaved. Although improving at that point. Very stoic and the opposite of anxious. extremely fast-approach and a risk-taker.

Things turned a corner for her when she discovered some adventure sports and then music. Organically and her choice but it made her focus 'normally' rather than none or hyper-focus.

Yes yes about so different. DS1 hated (and still does) being dirty/muddy/food on hands or face.

DS2 played with his food allllll the time (painting with yogurt...) and adores mud. He says anything squishy (blu tac, slime, cookie dough) is "extremely satisfying "

Ds1 chewed everything he could reach. And was still putting everything in his mouth aged 8. DS2 stopped at a normal age.

DS1:

chewed everything
still out things in his mouth
Fell off his chair in school
Took the long route
Easily distracted
emotionally reactive
screwed up his work

He’s 9 now and medicated; things have improved beyond recognition in school.

• A whirlwind
• Couldn't sit down for more than a few moments (even at school).
• Very chatty but more of them stating things than a 2 way conversation.
• Not dry at night
• Often frustrated - pictures would get screwed up and thrown away before they were even finished
• Wouldn't follow instructions. If teacher said paint the paper red they'd choose yellow instead.
• Surprisingly a good sleeper at that age (so tired from being on the move all day).
• Struggling a lot with anything academic particularly reading.
• As a positive though- laughing a lot and having a lot of fun.

It really depends on the child. DS1 was always active and busy, didn't feel the cold, could not sit still, terrible sleeper, anger outbursts regularly, wasn't dry at night, found reading and writing tricky; looking back there were so many examples of impulsive behaviour, that we either missed or put down to his age. He wasn't diagnosed until secondary where it became glaringly obvious (struggles to organise himself).

Still tantrumming - often violently - when he didn't get his own way
Very very black and white - no shades of grey
Anxious
Fussy about clothing and food
Over emotional (I remember him crying when I was trying to check which of his clothes he'd outgrown because he loved them so much and didn't want them to be too small, and dripping tears all over the clothes which made me feel bad and I promised to make them into a framed picture for the wall!)
We clashed a lot - I struggled with him and would get really frustrated.
We weren't in the UK so he wasn't at school, which was a blessing, I think. He did fine at school when he started at nearly 7.

Very very chatty, couldn't focus when asked to do something; never did what the other kids were doing; didn't listen (teacher asked me if she might be deaf); struggled with reading and writing. Extremely fussy eater.
I was convinced there was something going on by age 3/4 although you always get people saying it's their age and normal. By year 1 the teacher agreed with me and school referred her to CAHMS. Worked with them throughout the whole of year 2 by the end of which she had a diagnosis and started medication going into year 3.
Really glad she got an early diagnosis and CAHMS were brilliant.

Oh yes, very chatty as well (minecraft and pokemon monologues/endless questions about which one was better!) and unable to self-occupy. I used to feel incredibly guilty that he had no siblings because he just wanted someone to play with 24/7. When he did have friends around though, he went into complete OTT hyper silliness which was a total nightmare!

Thank you for this! Of course they’re all so different but so much of what your children were like is very familiar! With the exception that he’s not (apparently) like it at school. Apart from the chattiness!

At home he:
-still tantrums maybe 2/3 times a day - they’re crying, hitting, angry tantrums
-not predictably dry at night
-very talkative - can’t stop chatting. If he’s awake, he’s either listening to a story or talking
-needs to be occupied 100% of the time. Even when eating either needs someone to tell him a story, or he needs to be listening to an audiobook. He can’t have a conversation when eating, he’s too restless
-can’t sit still at all, or even stand still. Has to be touching something, drumming on something, hanging off me
-very loving and needs a lot of hugs
-hits out at his sibling when frustrated
-doesn’t listen to instructions
-fun and popular - other kids love him! he will talk to any child and say, “my name is x, what’s yours? I’m 5” and so on
-struggles BIG TIME with any kind of transition. Even getting dressed
-at school, though, he doesn’t do this, which is why I’m unsure… he’s old for his age (September birthday) which might help? He’s absolutely terrified of getting into trouble at school. But after school he’s even worse than normal from a day of holding it all together!

*age group I mean!

he’s old for his age (September birthday) which might help?

Children who are young in their year are diagnosed at a MUCH higher rate. That was another ADHD parent who said they'd read that somewhere, I haven't seen the study!

www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/11/181128182138.htm

There's one!

That’s interesting!!!

I wonder: to those who got a diagnosis, did it help your child? Or was it just useful to know?

Sometimes my son says things like “I hate myself”, which is utterly heart breaking and the reason why I want to know if ADHD is what is going on for him.

I absolutely hate telling him off or getting annoyed with him, but he can’t listen and gets very destructive when life isn’t how he wants it (part of his tantrumming is breaking stuff if he can), so he often does get into trouble either with us or his siblings. It’s really hard to know how to do this right!

On the flip side, he’s such a bright, loving, fun, interesting and cool kid.

I have ADHD. Lots of issues with day dreaming. Not badly behaved apart from that as masked it as much as possible ( diagnosed as an adult) very outgoing and happy to talk to anyone. I had friends but had to work hard to fit in. Very obvious hyperfocus/ obsession with things I could hyperfocus on. I made a Christmas list by drawing everything I liked in the Argos catalogue and it ran to something rediculous like 30 pages, a massive amount for a five year old. I am just about to qualify as a secondary school art teacher so the practice paid off.

If you can find something he likes and can hyperfocus on, and feels good at, it might boost his self esteem. For me it was art.

That’s a good idea about finding something he’s good at to hyperfocus on!

at the moment it’s endless stories - audiobooks, podcasts, us telling stories. He is almost never lot listening to something. I’m never sure if that’s a good thing or not?

do I need to go through school for the diagnosis? They think there is no problem. He’s very well behaved at school!

Can anyone advise on diagnosis? How did your children get it? Through school or privately?

School isnt even aware for my 2 DSes although we are at a private school in France which does NOT allow for DC to not fit into the mould.

Neither DS has hyperactivity problems at school - but it takes so much effort to get through the day and hold it all together that they are exhausted and explode at home and are highly emotional.

Getting the diagnosis (age 9 and 7) helped us as a family loads. Things are a lot calmer here. And although DS1 had difficulty with his diagnosis (he has very low self esteem). Talking about it and finding out about it and knowing 2 others in his class have it has really helped. The meds are brilliant for my 10 year old. My 8 year old isnt on them yet as he's getting fantastic grades at school.

@Neuroq

DS1 was diagnosed privately by psychiatryuk. They also do meds titration, then hand over to GP through a shared care agreement.

at school, though, he doesn’t do this, which is why I’m unsure… he’s old for his age (September birthday) which might help? He’s absolutely terrified of getting into trouble at school. But after school he’s even worse than normal from a day of holding it all together!

This is really really typical for kids with SEN. They 'mask' all day to cope at school which is absolutely draining and then in the safety of your company all of the day's difficulties manifest in meltdowns and difficult behaviours.

Thanks for starting this thread @Neuroq. Following with interest for my 3 year old who is not like any of the children his age that we know.

Yes, thank you for starting the thread, it's really insightful

I have ADHD combined type
At 5 I was:

• ahead of peers in all areas of academia


• hugely competitive and wanted to get everything right first


• perfectionist and constantly searching for academic validation


• Very very chatty and noisy


• couldn’t sit still, constantly in trouble with my parents. School always let me off as so was academic


• Had a sweatshirt instead of a scratchy school jumper as I couldn’t cope as it felt like my skin was being burnt


• very anxious


• Struggled food and binging even at that age


• not dry at night


• always exhausted when I got home from school/socialising


• would never admit I was tired as even if I was physically tired my mind was racing

I’m autistic too so the 2 mesh in some ways and contradict in others.

i wasn’t diagnosed until 23 and haven’t started meds yet. My teenage years onwards have been particularly miserable. I am in my final year of vet school so I’ve done okay for myself but each day is an awful battle.

Good on you for getting your little one help early on