Feeling a bit blue

[jackse]

Baby is 5mo. I do love being his mummy I’m just finding myself struggling at the moment

Sleep is all over the place. He’s not really sleeping which I get he’s a baby! But I constantly see people who have babies around his age saying they’re self settling/sleeping through. Family constantly asking ‘is he sleeping through yet’ Yet?! He’s 5mo. But I feel like a complete failure when I say no.

He can’t go in the next stage seat for his pram yet, he has great head control but it says 6mo and I heard that’s because the manufacturer made the seat for babies developed 6months and up. But he hates the bassinet pram and cries at me when he’s in it so going on walks is a nightmare and we do less now.

I do feel DP could help more I feel very alone with everything I do and that he only worries about what he has to do/himself.

I don’t have friends and I’m useless at baby groups the ones I’ve joined all seem to be ones where the mums already know eachother and are in groups so I feel even more lonely there but I go for DS’ development.

I just feel so lonely? Then feel so guilty because I’m blessed with this healthy, happy perfect baby and I’m getting upset because I’m a bit lonely?!!

I’m sorry I just needed to vent I don’t really have anyone I can talk to.

Hi, sorry you’re feeling this way. I’m a new mum too, my DD is 3 months. I’ve had plenty of moments feeling exactly like you do. Although I have a lot of experienced mums around to reassure me that feeling that way is totally normal.
Ive struggled with mums groups too, as like you say they all already know each other. I’m in a small town where everyone knows each from school etc, but I only moved here a few years ago so don’t have that advantage. What I have found helped though is just making a small connection with one and the others will follow. Try and sit next to a really chatty outgoing mum and hopefully they will pull you into the conversation. Ask what other groups they go to, that way you’ll have more time to build a connection rather than just once a week or so.
As for going on walks, my DD also hates being in her pram for too long. We have a sling that she adores though so maybe look into getting a carrier?
You’re not a failure at all with the sleep thing. I’ve been reassured so many times by so many people that what will happen will happen. Baby will find their own routine in time.
I know it’s not the same as a face to face friendship but we’re in the same boat so if you fancy messaging me for a chat please do

Hi!

I think how you're feeling is more normal than you think! I would take what people say about their babies sleep with a pinch of salt. Some babies are great sleepers but often people will exaggerate how well they're babies actually do sleep.

My baby hated lying in the pram bassinet from 4 months onwards, I hated walking him and having him scream the whole time. I put him sitting upright at around 5 months and he was instantly happy on walks again! He just wanted to be able to see a bit more of the world!

Have you tried the Peanut app to meet more mums in your area? Sometimes meeting people 1 on 1 or in smaller groups is easier than going to established groups.

For what it's worth, my baby is almost 8 months and has yet to sleep through a full night!

I hear you. It’s a lonely time.

My youngest is nearly 3 years and still doesn’t self settle and sleep 3. When my oldest started school nursery over half her class didn’t self settle. Don’t worry they all get there eventually. You can’t control it and sometimes just realising/accepting that makes it easier.

Just put him in the pushchair bit - its a guideline. DD1 had to at 3 months because she was so long.

Talk to your husband. You should both read the book how not to hate your husband after kids. Honestly by 4/5 months a huge number of new months feel resentful.

Try the meet parent apps mush/peanut.

Hey @jackse I hear you! I have 2,5yo who still wakes up every 3 hours (sorry!). No he does not sleep through, no it is not uncommon, yes people make stuff up. Every child is different and for every kid that sleeps through (my 2nd born pretty much from birth yet we all sleep in the same room, same routine, minimal age gap so same approach...) there are 10 that don't!

The DP part I get, advice there is tell him nicely and when in good mood "can you please do this..." and spell it out. Dishes, laundry, walk the baby for 2 hours in pram outside...say it.You will be surprised, it sometimes works.

For feeling lonely, do you have any hobbies or things you like doing? Try make your baby part of your day, not the other way around. (I know, easier said than done). Try and do one thing every day that makes you happy (not baby related). And do not worry about baby groups too much, at 5m all he needs is you and sleep :)

Hi OP - just came to say you know your baby best. if your baby has great head control and would be happier in their pram seat then just move them. I moved mine at 4 months and we were both much happier for it! Trust yourself, you're doing a great job x