Child Arrangement Order

[Rozee]

Hi I would appreciate any feedback / help / guidance on this matter. I have a long last been offered an hour phone call with a family lawyer through a local domestic abuse charity - I have spent nearly 2 years of trying to get my ex/father of my 2 kids (b14 g10) to agree to a structure of childcare but he refuses to address this or even communicate with me and it is making me I’ll. they live with me, he doesn’t contribute towards them and only sees them when suits him often late night /last min requests which I have started to ignore as I will not subject the kids to this. I am so exhausted trying to get him to commit - he claims to want 50/50 but doesn’t step up to the mark. Any advice - I don’t want him controlling my life or the kids - I am the main cater for over 95% of the time.

Is there a court order that gives him contact? What do the children want?

You can’t make him step up, you need to let go of that completely which is hard I know, but will set you free.

And fair enough about not wanting short notice late night contact. He sounds like a child himself, wanting 50-50 when he doesn’t financially contribute and won’t agree to a contact schedule is a joke. If the kids are doing ok with you it doesn’t sound likely at all.

Keep your correspondence with him, maybe offer him to make a parenting plan, have a look at the Cafcass website and make sure you’ve done what’s the courts Would want you to do if you find yourself there but it really doesn’t sound like that’s likely to happen.

The other reply is right-, what do the kids want? What would you like? I don’t think you’ve really got anything to worry about from this guy apart from being let down and hurt, sounds like that’s the main thing you need to address? To try and let him go, accept that’s what he is. It’s very sad.

Beware of the lawyer winding you up about court action and making it out Like it’s not a big deal, I don’t imagine you are going to need to go to family court from what you said but lawyers can definitely shit stir, even ones from domestic abuse charities (dare I say, especially ones from domestic abuse charities).

hold your kids tight, they’ll be grown-up before you know it. This time is precious, tried to stop his flaky behaviour tainting it

I doubt given their ages that court is going to make much of a difference to what you want/need.

First off deal with the maintenance- through CMS if possible. I know that doesn't always work out depending on his job type. He has no excuse for not contributing to his children's expenses.

Next I'd ask the kids what they'd like to do in terms of seeing him. I can see why you don't want last minute late night contact particularly for a 10 year old and especially if it's a school night.

I'd come up with a plan of availability based on what they say and stick to it. So I'd make them available let's say Wednesday after school but he must let you (your eldest maybe?) know by 2pm, collect them by 6pm and return them by 9pm or whatever works for you. If the deadlines are not met then you say no see you next week, and you take the kids out so they are not there when he shows up at 8 or don't answer the door/phone etc if that's feasible. I assume they can contact him by phone if they wish? Or is he likely to manipulate the younger one that way?

Family court is not going to require him to collect them / care for them only require you to make them available should he wish to do so sadly. Especially the older one is unlikely to be included in any such order now as they will get a say in what they want to do.