Need some perspective on DS, 13. I can’t work out if he has really poor behaviour or actually has trouble functioning, and has something like ADHD. For context I’m separated but also have DD19 and DS11, not remotely the same character.
This DS always been excessively physical and quite challenging, basically can’t walk down a street without climbing on stuff, walking backwards, swinging on lampposts, jumping up and trying to hit things etc.
Absolutely no concept of how to behave appropriately in scenarios – this weekend we were on a yacht scattering a relative’s ashes, he proceeded to – climb, jump and swing on the ropes, try and do a pirate style fight onboard with younger brother, clamber down through a port hole, consequently dislodging part of the yacht ceiling, ask/insist to swim in the water when he realised the back of the boat opened up, demanded to take his shirt off so he could ‘tan’, etc, with no regard for the circumstances or safety.
At said relative's house, driving back, I find out he’d swiped a walking stick, randomly without asking. On another occasion he went into the garage of a friend and either rummaged around & got an axe out, or saw it lying about and picked it up; she was furious, once again I was mortified.
I can almost not take him on a day out with my partner and other son because I get so embarrassed by his inability to walk around properly, not be dancing about, trying to touch stuff etc.
He’s also having problems at school with disruption, wrong crowd etc. At sports, he won’t listen when he needs to leave the court, he’ll carry on dunking hoops, regardless, even if another team are coming on court, it’s late at night, etc etc.
It always gets to the point where I’m exasperated, I have to constantly repeat myself, I’m always saying ‘why can’t you just walk normally/behave correctly etc etc’, and feels like I have a downer on him.
BUT at his dad’s and with his grandma, he behaves well, they often get complements on how polite he is etc. He’ll help his grandma and the old lady upstairs etc. But also at his dad’s it’s a different environment, he is more indulged, with sweets, ‘prezzies’, cash, dinners out at restaurants etc. Also his dad says he massively shouts at him as soon as he starts acting out.
Also he doesn't seem to have other ADHD symptoms such as being forgetful or a daydreamer.
So is it that DS is ‘kicking off’ when it's things he remotely doesn’t like – school, ‘boring’ trip on a yacht, ‘boring’ day out with me and DP, but is totally fine when he can lounge around at his dad’s or is this a picture of ADHD in several environments?
He is underperforming at school, but he's also lovely, bright, funny, not an unpleasant nightmare like he sounds here - it's just some of his behaviour is excessive and constantly pushes the limits.