DC1 behaviour since DC2 born. Please help.

[Taskmeister]

I have a 20 month DS and a 9 day old DD. Since DD has been born DS has been hitting and screaming. He has been hitting me, DH and trying to hit DD.

we have been giving him as much attention as possible, I’d say as much or more than usual (constant 1 on 1 attention and then when we can 2 on 1). I am breastfeeding so can’t take him out by himself yet but have been getting him up, playing, reading, bath bed etc when I can. If not then DH doing this and also been taking him out and about.

Were getting very short bursts of him being happy before he starts shouting and getting frustrated. DH is back to work tomorrow (self employed) and I’m just so worried about what I’m going to do. I can’t stand how upset DS is, but also his behaviour is really wearing me down.

Any hints or tips or experience of how long this will last would be greatly appreciated 🙁

Congratulations on your new baby!
Remember it is very early days, your DS has experienced excitement, changes to his routines and is probably a bit overwhelmed - this will pass
The most important thing to remind yourself is your DS is still a baby too, he may seem big next to your new DD and this can lead to expectations he should be more capable than his years
Carry on doing what you are doing, try not to tell him off, ignore the small issues with his behaviour and try to distract him if possible.

Call on friends and family to help if you can. Have some boxes of books/toys hidden away, get these out to occupy him when the baby is demanding your attention. When you know baby is due a feed, settle him down next to you with a book/TV programme. If he hits you or the baby, don't shout as any reaction at 20 months is great and he will do it again. Simply say firmly, no hitting and walk away. Praise him as much as possible as this will go much further.

He won't be like this for ever, he is still a baby and has no understanding he is hurting you or the baby. It will get better with time

Thank you so much for the reply. I know he is still a baby and just want to make everything better for him 🥺.

he is really shy around other people, so haven’t had anyone round yet to visit/meet DD as he can get really upset when people come round. Otherwise I’d definitely be calling in the troops.

Sounds like I’m doing pretty much what you’ve suggested and I expected that to be the case. I suppose there isn’t going to be a magic fix and it’s just going to take time. Deep breaths for tomorrow, wish me luck!

DS normally goes to nursery on Thursday and Friday. Any thoughts on whether it’s best to send him in as he’s used to or keep at home. I don’t want him feeling pushed out…

I'd keep his routine as similar to before as normal. Take him to nursery! Expect maybe a little resistance given all the changes. But familiarity is going to be the best thing for him.

Congratulations!
Def remember this from DD1 when sister was born.
Feel for you all, such an amazing, exhausting, wonderful and frustrating time!
Honestly, this too will pass.
Agree with PP keep your son to his routine, lots of love and understanding and he will settle back down.