How to get 3yo to listen

[tiredmumma34]

Feel embarrassed even asking this, but after another draining day with DS (3yo) and I don't know what I'm doing wrong - but he just. won't. listen.

I know all kids go through it - but he really does seem worse than others his age.

He is such a sweet kid. But it is so exhausting spending a day trying to have a nice time with him, but just won't listen to anything I ask him to do unless I bribe him.

How, how do I get him to listen??

Depends how old a 3- if just 3 can’t expect much, if nearer 4, we had the naughty step.
A strong schedule, good diet and plenty of sleep -all helps.

He's 3yo 4mo, so bit in the middle.

I didn’t expect mine to listen at that age. Just accept they are 3 and won’t /can’t behave well all the time. Just focus on managing it, distracting then, trying to encourage good behaviour.

i have 4 children and the youngest is 3 and is by far the hardest to deal with - i hoping it will get a little easier when she is 4.

I don't know, but mine is 3yrs 3 months and doesn't listen either. At least not if I'm saying something he doesn't want to hear.

It's really fucking annoying, but I cheer myself up thinking that he's a lot easier now than he was this time last year, and hopefully next year he'll be easier again.

won't listen to anything I ask him to do unless I bribe him

Maybe the problem is that he listens to what you say and then ignores it, rather than him not listening.

You are currently training him to only respond to you when he gets a reward, so if there is no reward, he doesn't respond. What are you bribing him with?

It didn’t always work but what helped was
one instruction at a time, getting to his level and have him look at me when I issued the instruction. Following through with consequence if enough not listening/doing as told.
bribing only when absolutely necessary and at the end of an event eg hold mummies hand and we will go and get an ice cream. Rather than do this and you will get that.
Its tough. They are not called threenagers for nothing.
i could also be quite stern when needed and believe in your authority as his Mum.
Using a pushchair? Pop him in that if he won’t behave.

Well they don’t. They’re three.

But it can help if you tell them how good they’re about to be, how good they are being, and how good they’ve just been.

eg “we’re going into the shop now and you’re going to hold my hand and walk beside me all the way across the car park… just like that! You are doing a great job holding my hand and walking beside me… that was excellent. You held my hand all the way”

It’s not the most stimulating conversation.

3 year olds are arseholes. It’s not you doing something wrong, it’s the 3 year old. They can’t help it! Lots and lots of praise if they do something resembling what you asked, otherwise ride it out until they turn 4 - they’re so much easier to deal with!

Obviously not all 3 year olds are arseholes, but my twins were absolute savages from 2-4. Soon as they turned 4, a switch flicked and they became rather reasonable.

I've got a 19 and 23 year old. They don't listen either. It doesn't get any better.

Well these replies make me feel a bit better. It's been a rough week and think it's made it feel worse than ever.

When I say bribe, maybe that's slightly unfair. Sometimes it is chocolate/ice cream, but more often it's do X and we can go play bubbles after - or go see nanny tomorrow to play with the dogs.

I do try one instruction at a time, getting to his level...problem is getting him to stop and actually look at me!

also helps to lay out the day in advance eg.

”after park we’re going to go home, wash hands, have lunch” etc really clear speak
”right now we’re going home, remember let’s wash hands and then you’ll have lunch”

I use a lot of the techniques from the book ‘how to talk so that kids will listen’ and it has helped a lot. Saying that, my three year old is 3y 9 months and there was a big jump from some cooperation to frequent cooperation when asked to do things at 3y6m, and the same for my elder daughter, so you might see an improvement soon anyway.

That's definitely true. The bigger struggle is the things in the moment - "stop chasing the dogs / don't climb on the table" sorta things. But maybe that's just normal age behaviour.

He was such an easy kid up until 3, I'm struggling with the sudden threenager stage!

I used to give mine a choice where possible. 2 options, both of which get the result that you want. So, for example, putting shoes on: " you have to put your shoes on now, do you want to do it yourself or would you like me to do it?" Or if someone else is around "who do you want to choose to help you with your shoes?" Or socks, " do you want to wear the red socks or the blue socks?" No question socks will be put on, but they feel like they have had a say over it. These are stupid examples, but you get my drift! With regards to being out and about "do you want to continue chasing that dog, which will mean I take you straight home, or do you want to come and play on the swings and we can see how high you can go? You can chose."

This is great too, gives them a sense of
control.
”bed at 7.02 or 7.03?”