Reassure me other parents of quiet home loving boys

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I have three boys, years 5, 4 and 2. None are interested in sports, and while they have friends at school between covid and moving schools sleepovers have never been a thing. Year 5 child has had letter re residential this winter doesn’t want to go, its all typical outdoors, swinging from trees, and he is afraid of heights.
Second child is a born cryer, if be is nervous he cries first then shakes it off in his own time and will have a go.
I am feeling the panic that I should force them to do some sport to “man up” a bit, and that maybe having arranged work so we have always been there for the boys, and having no family around for them to go spend time away with has done them a disservice…
Other parents of academic, non sporty, happy at home children, tell me they’ll be fine!!!

My ds was always very quiet, he likes to do his own thing. He is 18 now & involved with politics, he was interviewed by Radio 4 yesterday, has been on television & in a few weeks will be making a 30 minute presentation to 300+ delegates at a carers conference on being a young carer. He has a very small friendship circle but is very happy, intelligent & caring.

... also I feel so happy when I see any child challenging stereotypes. I have another boy who likes boy things and plays football & of course that's fine too but I do love that my eldest refuses to do any of that. Saw a little girl dressed as Batman on superhero's and princesses day, she was the only one not in a dress - just wish it happened more!

All the boys like this from my peer group were the most successful .

You shouldn't be encouraging your child to "man up " .. toxic masculinity !

2 non-sporty sons here. Variously took to public speaking, coding, dancing, singing, embroidery, photography, trains, museums......
They are happy and interesting adults who have found their niches in life.

Just as there is a negative undertone here re physical , sporty people. They can and do also grow up to be wonderful , empathetic men /women. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being very active , just as there’s nothing wrong with preferring quieter, more home based or academic pursuits. It’s also not all or nothing , my sons like drawing and reading but also love sports and have bags of energy. It’s just naturally the way they are and it’s a very positive thing for us as they are very fit and healthy and all those endorphins from exercise is great for them. Being sporty doesn’t equate to rough or loud, that’s another bs stereotype.

My boy is Yr 6, has never taken to any traditional sports, never played football or rugby.
yet he still managed to have a brilliant time on his school residential that involved all manner of physically challenging activities (climbing etc)

He is quiet, very clever, academic, great reader and has a small close group of friends. He has other interests like politics, music. I’m already very proud of him and I know that he is going to do great at secondary.

My lovely son was always "the quiet one", never noisy or boisterous as a child. Loved reading and gaming , never sporty. Always ready to have a chat with his Mum, which I loved. I did used to wonder how life would treat him. He is now 32, still my lovely boy, still loves a chat with me, but he is also a great husband , and father to three daughters . I'm sure that yours will be fine - let them find their own groove and don't worry.

My 2 sons were similar. We encouraged them to join Cubs, Scouts, Sea Cadets - they didn't like any of them. Neither liked sports. Eldest son used to like to read, listen to music. They had lots of friends, who all used to come to our house a lot (and play wrestling and video games) 2nd son used to like gardening and used to grow his own herbs (he was about 14 then). Now, they are 40 and 38. Grown men, with their own lives. Still close to home, both polite, sensitive but well-adjusted men.

OP your boys sound lovely. I really liked the book "How not to be a boy" by Robert Webb, I think our society does boys a huge disservice by telling them there is only one way for them to socialize.

My DS is also quiet, happy to spend lots of time at home and not into any of the ball games that seem really central to many boys lives... this is a lovely thread to read

Mine is 15 and a quiet, thoughtful homebody. He has a nice group of friends and his hobbies are gaming, sailing and drama. He is oddly confident in drama (just passed LAMDA level 6) despite being introverted. Maybe it's something your boys could try?
And don't worry! Boys come in a million varieties.

I could have written this.. my mum takes credit for ‘bringing me out of my shell’ - in fact she made it worse and I was miserable- I am the confident person I am now because I moved away from home as soon as I could

They will be fine OP, I have two DS’ now 20 & 19, they both love their home, DS1 is sporty, DS2 not at all. Please try not to worry.

Not only will they be fine but they don't have to go. I bought into the myth that these are 'bonding' experiences. Not if you are unsporty, they're not. They are a chance for pack mentality (rife at that age) to root out who is scared or weak, and mock and blame them.

DS2 hated both his Yr 6 trip away and his ice breaker trip at his new school in Yr 7. I wish, in hindsight, I hadn't made him go.

Now he's at uni and has the most amazing groups of bookish friends, arty friends and also a big group of very sporty friends who laugh at his non-sporty outlook on life but love him anyway. He is happy, socialised, active in his own way on his own terms (loads of walking and a bit of cycling and weight training.)

This thread is very heartwarming and reassuring as the parent of a sensitive and gender non conforming DS

It’s tough at primary school. There’s the boys and the girls split by Y1 (see the weekend thread on why people think it’s ok for boys to refuse to play with girls to see where this comes from).

In later primary it tends to split girly girls, football boys, others. My dds were in the ‘other’ group with the quieter, non sporty, sensitive boys, who tended to go on to academically selective, single sex schools. The single sex atmosphere (from what I’ve heard) let’s them be musical, or in to art or whatever without it being seen as girly and not OK.