Liar Liar

[Mizztikle]

I Need help!!! My DD is 8 years old about to turn 9, for the past4 months or so she has taken to lying about any and everything it has gotten so bad that it is now an automatic response to lie anytime I ask her a question. The lies started off as her trying to get out of being in trouble for little things but the lies have now grown, she has blamed things on other people, become more sneaky (taking things to school she shouldn't be, toys, accessories etc)
The worst thing happened recently when she lied to the teacher at school because she had gotten into trouble at home and was told off for trying to take something of mine to school without permission and was upset, the lie could have had serious consequences for me and other ppl may now be involved although she eventually admitted it wasn't true.
I've asked her a million times why she keeps lying and she keeps saying she doesn't know, she eventually wrote me a letter and she said she lies because she doesn't want to face the consequences of her actions which are usually- no TV, being told off, No tablet, being sent to her room, being sent to bed early. She seems to be very aware of what is happening but unable to stop lying. I am heavily pregnant at the moment and stressed is not the word, she swears it is nothing to do with the baby and seems to be very excited about becoming a sister she cannot do enough to help at home I'm at a loss, what am I doing wrong?

You’re doing nothing wrong. It’s a phase. I was your daughter at the same age. I was fully aware I was lying but I couldn’t stop myself. My parents made such a massive deal out of it it caused the whole thing to spiral and my pre teens years were really traumatic as I couldn’t stop lying but hated disappointing them. Still to this day I have to convince myself I’m not a ‘nasty liar’ like I was told so much. Meet her with kindness and be the person she can trust, even with the bad things. Offer her frequent opportunities to tell the truth, dial back anything overwhelming in her life and certainly don’t label her a ‘liar’ or anything like that. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy

Thank you so much for you msg I filled up reading it (very emotional atm lol) I will definitely take your advice as everything you've said makes sense. I try to make a special effort as shes been an only child for 9 years and even though she's looking forward to the baby coming I know it will be a big change for her. I am going to try to come at it from a different angle and try not to take it personally, even though the lie broke my heart I know deep down she never meant to hurt me.

I agree with the previous advice. I also think she has explained very clearly why she is lying and I am curious about why she is being told off in the first place. It seemed quite a long list of sanctions and a very formal phrase 'face up to the consequences of her actions'. It is really hard being pregnant, looking after a child and feeling stressed so I sympathise, but I tend to hold the view that children are very rarely 'naughty'. They sometimes get things wrong or act selfishly or cry out for help in some way. It sounds like you are very caring and want to support your daughter so I am sure you will find a way through this.