Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

Ex partner sending messages daily asking about son

21 replies

Repulsebay · 20/05/2022 07:29

Hi everyone
Im not with my partner anymore and have a 1 year old baby and he gives child maintenance. As we are not together does he have the right to always message me about the baby. I thought he should only contact me if he wants to meet the baby .
I generally don’t know much about this , so just need someone advice thanks :)

OP posts:

DoItAfraid · 20/05/2022 08:27

Well he is the child’s father isn’t he? I would assume he is interested in his child?

DoItAfraid · 20/05/2022 08:28

Sorry I posted too soon.

Are the messages intrusive or upsetting you in some way?

KangarooKenny · 20/05/2022 08:28

I think it’s nice that he’s interested. Could you send him a picture every day ?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1 year olds Families General parenting

Original poster

Repulsebay · 20/05/2022 08:30

Before he would say things like he earns more so the court would flavour him as im
only a stay at home parent.

OP posts:

Sidge · 20/05/2022 08:31

Well messages asking about his child don’t seem inappropriate but I suppose it depends on the content.

How often does he see the baby?

I couldn’t be bothered by this and I’d be pleased he’s taking an interest. Was he very hands on when you lived together? He’s probably missing the baby. Makes a change from dads who take no interest.

fedup078 · 20/05/2022 08:31

Totally depends on the context.
Was he abusive and are the messages abusive for example?

Original poster

Repulsebay · 20/05/2022 08:32

He doesn’t rent for me and the baby instead I live with my parents

OP posts:

toomuchlaundry · 20/05/2022 08:33

How often does he see the baby?

What sort of messages is he sending?

HollowTalk · 20/05/2022 08:34

So does he actually see the baby? Are his messages about you and your life rather than the baby? Why does he think that as the higher earner he would be allowed to be a stay at home dad? Surely the fact he had to give up work would make him the lower earner automatically?

Original poster

Repulsebay · 20/05/2022 08:34

He seems the baby every 3/4 months we have never lived together even we had a baby or when we was still together . There is more to this but didn’t explained clearly sorry

OP posts:

CandyApplePie · 20/05/2022 08:34

Sounds nice I would rather that than a man that wasn’t interested and didn’t message at all unless it was to see the child, at least he is asking how he is when he is not with him, when he gets older he may even want to call him when he is not with him which would also be very normal and acceptable, parents still care about their kids when they are not with them.

fedup078 · 20/05/2022 08:35

Ok I've just seen you have posted another thread so I've added it here to for context. @Repulsebay
"we have a 1 year old and I currently live in my parents home. i feel my partner always makes me feel down just because I can’t work ( he has been working nearly 2 years on a tier 2 visa) as I stay at home to look after the baby . I cannot get childcare as my mother cannot watch him due to health problems and childcare is expensive . The partner keeps saying he will find a place for us but he never did even the baby is 1 already . later on the relationship didn’t work out. He would say to me that the court would flavour him because he has a job and that I don’t . Before when we was still together but living sepretley he would be giving me money for the baby. Everything is so expensive I would need to use the money to pay parts of the bill as living in my parents home . Does this sound reasonable?? Im worried that the court will be on his side . Any advice from anyone pls :)"

Original poster

Repulsebay · 20/05/2022 08:36

He works and earn more .

im a stay at home mum

OP posts:

Redburnett · 20/05/2022 08:36

It is a very good thing that the father is taking an interest in his child and paying maintenance. A child has two parents and deserves to have both involved in their life.

olympicsrock · 20/05/2022 08:38

It’s too much. What is the nature of his contact

olympicsrock · 20/05/2022 08:39

Does he harass you? Is he threatening to take your child away when he messages you or is it just. How is a baby today? / what is Baby doing?

Andromachehadabadday · 20/05/2022 08:40

Why is he only seeing the baby every 3 or 4 months?

But no, there’s nothing stopping him him asking how the baby is. And if you refuse to answer, it may not help if he does want more responsibility for the child.

But, depending on why, not seeing the baby often also would not be in his favour either.

SoggyPaper · 20/05/2022 08:40

Repulsebay · 20/05/2022 08:34

He seems the baby every 3/4 months we have never lived together even we had a baby or when we was still together . There is more to this but didn’t explained clearly sorry

It’s not unreasonable to ask about the baby. BUT, he’s only making the effort to see this baby three or four times a year. The baby is a year old. That’s probably 6 times I’m it’s entire life!

that changes the picture from interested father who doesn’t live with the baby to controlling wanker insisting on daily updates to monitor you. If he were actually interested in the child, he’d be prioritising regular contact.

CandyApplePie · 20/05/2022 08:45

So he is your EX or your partner? Which is it 😕

MolliciousIntent · 20/05/2022 08:52

Repulsebay · 20/05/2022 08:32

He doesn’t rent for me and the baby instead I live with my parents

Why should he pay your rent? Have you submitted a claim to CMS for maintenance? Have you made the baby available to him for regular visits that he turns down? You need to give a LOT more info here (on your current situation, not your backstory) so that people can help you.

Chamomileteaplease · 20/05/2022 08:54

Why does he only see the baby three or four times a year?

If the texts disturb and upset you because you think they are more for the purpose of harrassing you than true interest in the child then find a way to divert them.

Put the texts on silent and send a short text once a week with a photo. Job done.

Flip