To hope that things will get better…

[GraceL365]

My baby is 7 weeks old and I’m struggling a little. He is crying throughout the day and night with a red face, straining, discomfort and crying when trumping and pooing, back arching and lifting legs up to the chest. I’ve been told he may be suffering with colic, silent reflux or a milk allergy but nothing has been confirmed. He’s currently on a prescribed formula and I have tried infacol and dentinox etc. but nothing seems to be working as of yet.

He won’t sleep unless he is on me. If I put him in the crib, he wakes up in half an hour or so later if I’m lucky, but often straight away. I try to soothe him back to sleep but he’s often too inconsolable unless I pick him up and let him go back to sleep in my arms. I try to hold him for as long as possible throughout the night so he sleeps but I am exhausted with the broken sleep. My partner and I are currently taking turns on the sofa with him whilst the other sleeps in bed.

He cries in his pram, in the bath and when having his nappy changed too so everything can feel like a battle sometimes. It makes it very difficult for me to stay on top of housework etc. during the day due to being unable to put him down without crying and from tiredness. I have those baby milestone cards which you can write memories on and I know it sounds silly but I feel a little upset that I struggle to find nice things to write on them because he mostly seems upset.

i keep hearing that things will get better at three months so I guess I’m just after some reassurance. I don’t mean to moan, I’m overjoyed at being a mum and love him to bits, I just hate seeing him uncomfortable and there being nothing I can do.

All normal OP if your not exhausted by 7 weeks your doing something wrong. It does get better around the 3 month mark or so

Try these

Next to me crib / snuzpod
Swaddling
White noise machine
Lavender in bath, lavender baby body wash , lavender moisturiser for baby massage
Put baby's sheets on your chest for a while before putting baby to bed to get your scent and on pjs
Night light
Bed routine every night at the same time
Make sure baby is not hungry
Cry if you need to
Self care - shower, brush teeth and hair and get dressed into even if you want leggings or tracksuit is fine but get dressed
Talk to your friends and or family
Tell do how your feeling
Let midwife know
Breathing exercise and yoga on you tube
Watch a funny movie
Stay hydrated with water water and more water
Eat healthy
A walk once a day, if you can't leave the house get in the garden if you don't have a garden open some windows
All the lavender things mentioned a live for you too

Keep going your doing amazing

Also try gripe water

No miracle words of advice but just to say hang in there, you’re doing great and it absolutely gets easier.

Feed baby upright

Dear op it will get better, slowly but it will. I remember feeling absolutely shell shocked in the first 3 months, it's the hardest thing in the world. Baby was refusing sleep, I rocked him 40 minutes to get 40 minutes sleep. Their wake windows are so short, watch them and try getting your baby to sleep because they get overtired and it results in the red face crying. But you just wont avoid it, their digestive system is so immature digesting milk hurts. It must be awful to be a newborn. I found a podcast episode that REALLY helped me. It's called tge fussy newborn by pedsdoctalk. Everyone should listen to it when they first come home from the hospital. It will put your mind at ease.you will get through it. And it's OK to cry every day. My bub is 6 months now, it really is worth it. You're doing an amazing job 👏

I'm not sure if this is something you are interested in but you could try baby wearing which will free up your hands (even allows you to go to the toilet when bubs is sleeping without having to put them down).

Can you put a mattress on the floor for safer sleeping with baby rather than the couch which must be pretty uncomfortable for you at the moment (very gently, the couch is both a fall risk and a suffocation risk).

Oh OP sounds so difficult and very much like my first. Hated being on his back wouldn't sleep unless being held. He had a dairy and soya allergy which in turn was causing silent reflux.
What prescribed formula is he on?
Have you prescribed anything to treat the potential silent reflux? There's a few options, gaviscon or medication like Omeprazole or lansoprazole.
Speak to the GP and be quite firm with them to find a solution.

He is on puramino but I’m not convinced he actually has an allergy. We’ve also been prescribed omeprazole which we are going to try so fingers crossed that makes a difference. I just feel at a bit of a loss and like I’m a terrible parent when I can’t stop him from crying which I know is irrational but still!

There's a group on Facebook called Living with Reflux (child support) and a CMPA group that were really helpful. It's full of mums who have been through exactly the same.
The only reason I would think allergy is because the reflux is a symptom of something not a stand alone thing if that makes sense!
Definitely not a terrible parent, it's sounds like you're doing everything you can to help him.
Hope the Omeprazole kicks in and helps with the suspected reflux.

Been there. Absolutely promise it gets better....it just takes time. Where you are now won't be where you are say in a few weeks 💐

I can't speak about allergies, etc. But I had a baby like yours. I was told she might have reflux/lactose intolerance/ whatever. We tried so many things and nothing seemed to help. I hope this won't be the case for you and your baby gets better and easier soon. However if he is like mine, I wish someone had told me to just accept it would be difficult and that my baby would sleep on her own when she is ready, no need fighting that.my house doesn't need to be clean and tidy etc. Essentially I wish I had lowered my standards.

Think of it as heart burn - whilst upright the stomach acid is fine, put him down and it rises and burns.

You need to keep head above stomach at all times. Raise his cot using a towel under the mattress.

All the situations you describe are flat, he may have an under developed stomach muscle which closes around 6 months which is when they learn to sit up. This is quite common and doesn’t need any assistance as such.

Give it 2/3 days and he’ll be a different t baby.

It will get better. My son was like this. He is nine now. I still remember the dark days of PND when he was a newborn. But it did get better.

Things that helped us:
Don't lie them flat
Feed them as upright as possible
Keep them upright after a feed for an hour (yes even at night!)
Cherry dummy
Ranitadine
Weaning at 16 weeks

Obviously the last two were on medical advice but they made the biggest difference TBH.

The saving grace was he started going longer between feeds at night around 8 weeks and slept through from about 12 so I actually got a decent stretch of sleep.

He never napped in the day unless held or in the car seat on his pram. I basically let the house go to shit.

But you will get it back. Like I said my eldest is nine now. Yes, I had another. My house is immaculate again. I have free time again and I'm happy again. He doesn't know anything about how bad I was when he was a baby.