I feel so alone/I’m struggling

[hellooo98]

DS is 5 months. He’s perfect the best baby I could ever ask for and I love him :)

but I can’t help but feel alone? DP works and I feel like he doesn’t understand what has happened his life seems to have not changed much whereas mine has completely shifted not a part of it hasn’t
we’ve argued on and off for 2-2.5 months and it’s really upset me there’s been times I thought we’d split

I don’t have any friends , I take DS to baby groups/classes 3 times a week but the mums there are acquaintances. 2 out of 3 of the classes are kind of cliquey when I joined them everyone seemed to already know eachother! And they’ll engage with me but not much

Im kind of close to my family. My mum and I argue a lot and I tend to hide things from her in fear of her opinion (she’s very opinionated) she’s a fantastic grandmother she really is. But we still don’t always fully see eye to eye (not full on arguing just disagreeing sometimes) I’ll even find myself not buying DS certain clothes I like because I know she wouldn’t and would comment on them

i don’t know if I’m just noticing all the elements of my life were I’m lonely and focusing on it is it normal? I’m not alone really I have my amazing son :) but I don’t want to always have the mindset of he’s the only person I have in my life and inevitably become a mother who clings onto him and makes him feel bad for being independent as he gets older

I’m also struggling as I thought I’d really gotten into a little routine with DS, month 4 hit and everything’s out the window. He used to do 3-6 hour stretches in his cot and now we get 4 (on a good night) and he ends up in our bed (safe co sleeping) between 3 and 5 am until 7.30 roughly. And he needs settling s lot more so I’m quite exhausted and I feel the days have gone back to being a bit unpredictable is this all normal I don’t know if it is this is my first baby and I have no friends to ask this to

Where are your friends from before, can’t you reach out to them?

@CandyApplePie I left school youngdue to mental health issues and since then I’ve worked and not really made any solid friends so I don’t really have any

im not really good in social settings I’m quite awkward sometimes

Sorry to hear see feeling so lonely. Being a mum to a young baby is so isolating! I remember when my first was little & my partner worked super long hours so would always be home late so the days were so so long.

but things that made things easier were getting out the house as much as possible, that’s great you are doing baby groups. Even just an hour a day of small talk at a baby group made me feel so much better. Also, lots of walks with the pram and fresh air is always good.

its great you have a good relationship with your mum, could you get out & about bit more with her or could she take baby for a bit while you have s little break.

don’t worry about a routine, baby is still very young for that.

sounds like a cliche but honestly it does her easier, soon the early baby days will be a blur in the past, honestly!

Are you planning on going back to work ?
I needed to for my sanity, and to talk to adults.

Just a quick OP, to say I 100% know the feeling and how lonely it can be. No advice as I'm still in the thick of it but hoping you find your way. Try to make time to do small things you love, and know that this is just a phase and won't last forever. Time really does fly by with babies and toddlers, though it doesn't feel like it at the time. Concentrate on loving your gorgeous boy, looking after yourself in the meantime.

Oh, and baby groups are some of the most unfriendly places I've ever been!

I’ve not used them Personally but have you tried the apps for making mum friends? Mush and Peanut think they are called

Having a baby is isolating.

The acquaintances you've got in the baby groups could you pluck up the courage to ask them for a coffee after the class? Or for a walk in the park on a different day?

I googled so much. It helped me feel more in control as I could then understand what my baby was going through.

This site is good
www.verywellfamily.com/your-4-month-old-baby-development-and-milestones-4172533

4 month old

Sorry to hear you're arguing with your DH. xxx it does get easier xxx

I feel Like I could have written this. My baby girl is 7 weeks old so really young but I don’t have any friends either and I’m the only person I know my age who has any children. Can you talk to your health visitor about how you’re feeling? Keep going to the baby groups if you can as it will help to get out the house. You can also download apps where you meet other parents in your area.

❤️ I remember this feeling and those very same arguments with my partner. It's hard and a learning curve. I hope you're ok. We're 18 months in now and things have improved but required my partner spending more time with our son to understand the reality of 24/7 childcare. It gets easier as baby gets older and they can carry some of the load as lead entertainer !! X

It's a roller coaster of a ride, good days, bad days the whole time. I remember feeling the same and having no help or support, just hubby. I have no mum friends around me as all my peers had their kids younger than me and I feel really isolated for that reason too. It does get easier, for sure, you and DS are still getting to know each other.

On the flip side, I often read/hear about those on the other end of the spectrum where they just want to be left in peace and have no-one come round as they have too many freinds/family and it becomes like picadilly circus. 4 months is still so new and there's alot more ahead of you now. Enjoy as much time as you can to bond and be with DS. Go for walks in nature, fresh air, sunshine...thank goodness for the lovely weather now :)

Hang in there, you can do it wonder-mum !! :)

Sorry to hear your having a hard time with your partner, being a first time parent isn't easy at times and we unfortunately take our feelings out on the person who is closest to us. It seems feeling how you are is heightening other things and as you have more time on your own you tend to think about them more.

Your lo might be going through a sleep regression? they usually start around month 4/5 our lo went through this for about a week & a half, that was not fun

The lonliness peaked around month 4/5 for me, our lo was born 3 days before Christmas and we had lockdown, luckily my husband had the first 5 weeks off with me so I had him at home but when he went back to work slowly i started to feel quite isolated and lonely at times.
I would be to keep doing as much as you can, keep going to the groups that you are already going to, you will eventually start chatting to more people that you see regulary and make some mum friends from there, take lots of walks, I would take the dog for an hours odd walk everyday and that helped me feel like i wasn't so stuck inside all the time, I would walk to my parents house which was a good 45 mins walk a couple of times a week and used to take lo swimming once a week.