Not easy being anxious at pickup

[Anxm0m]

It can be really hard navigating the playground when your anxiety is high. I know that people see shyness as being standoffish or rude but it's just not the case.

It can be really hard sometimes knowing you should be chatting to other mums and dads but not feeling able to. I really like this poster. I think we all just need to have a bit more understanding about why people behave the way they do.

Well, I don’t speak to people in the school playground every time but it’s not because I’m anxious it’s because I can’t be arsed.

don’t overthink it op.

You shouldn’t be chatting to other parents if you don’t want to. Not everyone does.
Also in the can’t be arsed club !

It'll be because I'm unfriendly Well, not really unfriendly as such but I'm just not interested in chatting in the playground. I just want to pick DD up and leave! I'm not anxious about it, I just don't have any desire to chat to people on the school run. It's not mandatory, is it? Some people love small talk, some people don't. It's just different personalities.

I never spoke to anyone in the playground either, I'm autistic and can't think of anything worse on a school pick up than having to interact with strangers.

I chat non-stop to whoever I can find in the playground. It’s because I’m nervous 😬🤦‍♀️

I don’t think it matters why you’re not engaging with other parents — some people don’t do the school run at all because of work patterns, some are rushing, some are on a work break and preoccupied, some don’t want to make friends, some are shy, some don’t speak the local language well etc etc. I don’t think anyone is giving the people who aren’t engaging a second thought.

I get that completely. I hated primary school pick up, it was extremely stressful.

I can't say I give a lot of thought to whether other parents are anxious or not. I'm too busy!

I really don’t give any thought to why other people might be quiet or not.

I arrive, talk to people if I want to and they want to, and then I take my kids home. If people don’t speak, it might because they are pissed off, unfriendly, have a headache, are in a rush, ill, or any number of other reasons. I’m not going to assume they are any of those things though because I don’t know. I’m not going to assume they are anxious either because they might not be!

I get a bit anxious sometimes too at pick up. Some parents are in cliques but some people like me just keep to themselves but will have a little chat if someone is standing near by and starts a conversation. I normally time it so I get to the playground as soon as the bell goes so there is no waiting around . Much less stressful!

Thanks for posting this Op, I haven’t heard of parenting with anxiety before but I came on here looking for advice on just this kind of thing so will look it up 😊

A
That feeling of school being cliquey is really common isn't it? Can be alike being back at school yourself 😮. Interesting how we all experience playground socialising differently. I'll certainly feel better thinking there are more anxious parents sharing my experience (and also some not talking because they can't be arsed 😂)

Most people are thinking about themselves and their kids whether another parent is quiet or not won’t even register with the majority.

I have navigated years and years of school pickups and drop offs , standing at the school yard and hardly a word to other parents. Yes I had social anxiety but also yes, I'm there entirely to do a job and understand it's not a social occasion for me.
So if I stand apart from 'the crowd' I've never felt anything but that I'm doing the task I came to do.

There are those people who make friends in whatever role they are currently performing. Pregnancy buddies, new mum club, the school yard clique, It's a mystery to me why, just because you happen to have offspringed in sync, you are drawn to each other.
Don't sweat it, or rather, you probably WILL still feel nervous but assure yourself that at least some of the others in the yard are feeling the same 😊

Things I wish anxious parents knew about everyone else in the playground

No one cares if you're talking or not

It’s absolutely fine to not chat, no one is looking to force you to. What is a bit frustrating is when people post feeling aggrieved that they don’t want to talk to other parents, and that they (and their children) therefore don’t enjoy the wider social benefits of talking to other parents.

How is a clique different to a group of friends? There are friendship groups among the parents at my child's school. Why shouldn't there be? I'm part of some groups and not part of others. Some days I talk to loads of people, other days none. I don't look out for people being anxious, but if someone stands near me and smiles and says hello then I'll happily chat to them. If someone is standing apart/alone/with headphones on then I leave them to it as I assume they want some quiet - just like I do some days.

How is a clique different to a group of friends?

There’s never an answer to that on these threads.