Toddler tantrums - advice and practical help?

[PocketRocket12]

Hi everyone!

How do/did people handle tantrums for toddlers at the younger end of the spectrum (20 months)? Any tips of age appropriate advice for a first time mum?

DS has just turned 20 months. He’s a incredibly bright and funny boy, is confident and affectionate with others and his peers, is very well behaved at nursery and with family (so I’m told / have briefly witnessed!)

At home the mega meltdowns have just started and they are really frequent. I understand it’s a developmental piece but I’m wondering how should I deal with this at this age?

He’s pretty strong and the tantrums are physically pretty tough! They can be triggered by anything and involve throwing himself on the floor, kicking, screaming, hitting etc.

Thanks!

I tend to name the feeling and why if it is obvious (ie you are frustrated because you want to do x) and offer a cuddle, which gets refused, but I then just keep chiming in with I am here when you are ready for a cuddle. My toddler tends to want space when she is feeling like this, but will usually want a cuddle when she has let the emotion out.

One thing I think is important is when you say no, don't then give in after x minutes of screaming etc., which just lets them know that you will change your mind if they scream for long enough!

Big little feelings on Instagram is quite useful! Good luck- it can be tough!!

I have a DD just a couple of months older. I follow Big Little Feelings on Instagram, also the Janet Lansbury Facebook page and just started following Dr Siggie, though not had a look at much of her content yet - what I have seen seems aimed at older ones. The others are good though.

As mine is still little too I’m in the thick of it with you and can’t say how effective this is long term, but I try letting her know it’s ok to have the feeling and that I’m there for her, but I have to keep her safe so I won’t be changing my mind/ giving up on the boundary, and offering either a cuddle or something she can choose or control as a distraction. But in toddler speak.

So for example, ‘Bye bye Bing, no more tv now, let’s go to the park … tantrum …. I can see you’re sad that Bing is finished, it’s hard to say bye bye. TV time is finished now. It’s ok to be sad. When you’re ready we can go to the park. What will you go on first, the swing or the slide? Or do you want to put your blue shoes or your wellies on?

Or, I can hear that you want strawberries, lunch today is pasta and apple, I can see you’re frustrated, that’s tough. Why don’t you choose which cup for your drink? Ooh look shiny cup! Etc.

Most usual at the moment is she wants to go up/ down stairs herself but starts dicking about in an unsafe way so I have to step in and carry her. Tantrum/ kicking ensues. I put her down and let her calm down with me a little bit away so she can’t kick me, ‘I have to keep us safe, it’s ok to be angry it’s not ok to kick. When you’re ready we can have a cuddle, you let me know’. She’ll usually shriek ‘no’ and then immediately ‘yeah’ and come in for a cuddle and calm down.

Dunno if that’s exactly right, probably goes over her head a bit but it helps to keep me calm at least! And I figure it’s good practice for me. It does seem to be helping. I do snap and shout back sometimes but having a script helps me.