How do you handle your kids when they are too shy to join in activities?

[mum2fo]

I am feeling irrationally angry b/c managed to get my two children ( 4.5 and 3) to swimming lessons this morning at 8.30am with baby in tow particularly pleased b/c hubbie away at the moment. Then neither child would go into pool- aaaah -even tho' they had swimming lessons there last term. I was quite calm at pool but now I am sulking b/c I am so pissed off - have put kids in front of telly so I can be by myself. I know I am being unreasonable so how can I do something positive to help them feel brave enough to join in next time?

I find the best thing to do is leave.

My DS1 was terrible for this around these ages, but if I just left him there he would just get on with it. You don't have to actually go, just be out of sight.

It was the same at swimming lessons, tennis, parties everything. If I was there he wouldn't join in, if I left he would be the life and soul.

Definitely the more I tried to cajole him, the more determined he got. That never helped, just left me feeling stupid that I couldn't even get my DS to play a game.

The teachers at our pool were great. On one occasion she just told me to hand the crying child to her and leave. He was laughing within a matter of minutes - I know I was peeping form behind a wall.

By not putting pressure on them. Letting them deal with it in their own time. They'd probably be more likely to get on and in if they saw you getting in and enjoying yourself with the baby.

Dont be angry, they are how they are. We cant all be extroverts, or fearless folk who 'dive' straight in to everything.

They might just not be ready for it. You can encourage them but I would respect how they feel and not force them to do anything that they are really unhappy with.
Were they happy with the lessons last term? If so, could they be feeling uneasy because their dad is away? Maybe they will be fine when he gets back.

They could just be having an "off week"... Booth my boys can suddenly not wan't to go swimming for no obvious reason (and don't tell me 'till we are on the side of the pool, aarhhh!)

Hopfully next week will be better.

mum2fo,

You are upset and frustrated with the children and they will pick this up. In turn this will make them more anxious next time.

I would fully agree with perpetualwarrior, some children are a lot more subdued when their parents are around and more reserved. We have found that by taking dd somewhere and then finding an excuse to be out of sight she gets on much better. Even some of the appointments with health care workers we find she is more open if we leave the room.

The less stressful you can make the situation the more they are likely to get involved. At best all you can do is provide opportunities for your children, it has to be their choice to participate. Not getting angry or frustrated if they don't would help a great deal. If you find trying to encourage them makes them more resistant then ignore them.

its frustrating, esp if they have previously done activity but its best i think to encourage then leave them too it..act like you dont care..

in scheme of things its no big thing and it can be strange going back to swimming after a while

ds loves it but is always so reluctant to get in..
try to let them warm up in their own time
did they know they were going? that helps here too lots of information about what is gonna happen
dont take it out on them they didnt do it on purpose..