Why do I feel so bad about this?

[2121xx]

I had a planned c section to delivery DS 4.5 months ago

I don’t know why but they didn’t hand him to me to hold. They weighed him cleaned him up done checks etc. brought him to me then DP held him pretty much until I got to recovery

my mind was a blur I didn’t think to ask I kept assuming I would have skin to skin and I didnt

and now I just feel so bad about it? when I see people who share pictures of holding their baby pretty instantly I feel so heartbroken I don’t know why?

I feel so connected to my son and adore him. I love him unconditionally so it hasn’t affected anything but I just wish I would’ve got to hold him as soon as possible is this weird to feel guilty over

Are you having problems bonding?

My planned c section was 4 months ago and my daughter was only brought to me briefly to say hello before being whisked off to NICU for a series of checks and x-rays to check for oesophageal atrasia and there was a problem with X-ray etc so I didn't see her for 2 hours and couldn't do skin to skin or feed until this check was done. I did plenty of skin to skin on the ward afterwards though.

It's not healthy to fixate on it. FWIW, looking back on DS's birth (which was an EMCS) I also have no photos of me holding him until we're in the recovery room and it's never even occurred to me to feel guilty about that. Your DC was being held by their other parent. It hasn't caused them any harm and you say you feel attached to them now. So can you unpick why it is you feel guilty?

Also, I know that some women can't hold baby after c section as low blood pressure / symptoms from anaesthesia. It's such a small part of your parenting journey. He would've had plenty of cuddles from you that day. I wouldn't ruminate on it any longer!

Your feelings are natural. Just let them come, but know that you needn't feel bad about anything.

I did not see my daughter until goodness knows when, I was under GA and high on morphine after.

What I don't like about this is, (and I did not realise this previously) it can really hinder breastfeeding as you miss the golden hour. My baby could not latch because of this.

And I felt like a failure as well because of that, but it's not us. It's the way we do birth in this country. We don't do what's best for the child, it's very clinical.

Just move on and enjoy your baby at this point. Let go of what happened to get them here.

I had an emergency c-section because Dd was breach and it sounds like a very similar turn of events after the birth. Don't feel bad about it at all. I remember feeling very empty when they took her away to get cleaned up and weighed but the main thing is you put your LOs needs first before your own feelings. At the time I wasn't aware that the medical staff had taken DD away to make sure she was breathing OK which I think is very normal for c-sections only they don't tell you that's happening at the time because they don't want to stress you out when your insides are still all over the table and they still need to sew you up. I didn't hold my DD until the recovery room either. Don't feel bad. You put your gorgeous little baby's needs first and it will in no way effect your bond x