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Parenting

Relationship problem

2 replies

Jenny1198 · 18/05/2022 10:56

I am a mum of 2 kids, married. We have been through financial rollercoaster and all.
After 5 years of unemployment, my HB has found a job, making it easier for me (only breadwinner).
He has become hard to live with. He tells me that I have not supported him at all except his family. His life surrounds work and his family. I am left to make our household work. He works away from home at different city, living at his parents' house and comes back to us at weekend.
He is now the boss, egotistic, forgetting I paid his fees for pHD, fed the house, gave him spare money, supported him the best I can. I spare him the financial stress because I don't want him sad or feel less of a man. Why am I on the side now, we don't talk anymore because asking him questions was me trying to control him.
I am worried that he keeps transferring his frustration with his family to us. He just cannot tell them no but I get told no all the time. Something about me, I am very independent. Me asking for help is rare, es ok especially when it's not my expertise e.g. however car works or boiler not working. Why does he get upset when I ask for help.
I have asked for us to separate because this is not the marriage I want .. He refuses that he wants to do right for the kids. I am trapped and soooo lonely. I just want someone to wipe my tears or take my fears away. Right now, I may be pushed to having emotional affair and that's not me. I have only known him. Why is he choosing his family over us. They are all respectfully married, yet they call on him to do things meant for their spouse. I have spoken to his parents about my concern, biggest mistake ever.
What do I do? I don't want to waste the little money I have on counselling for it to go nowhere. I have spoken to him and according to him, I am trying to control him and it's all in my head, problem is my fault.

OP posts:
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Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 18/05/2022 12:29

If you want to separate from him you don’t need his permission. Make an appointment with a solicitor and file for divorce.

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morebiscuitslessdrama · 20/05/2022 19:38

He sounds as though he is insecure, his reliance on you is something he is blocking out and you’ve been taken advantage of your good nature.

What is best for you and your children is happiness and by choosing separation you are choosing the best version of yourself to raise your children in a happy environment. What you want is important and whether his ego allows this is not your battle. I think you should discuss the separation and if he doesn’t agree then simply take time away from him and explain that you cannot continue in your relationship and that’s final. Even if that means asking a third party or family member to be a figure of support in this discussion to show the seriousness of your future apart.

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