Too old to have DC2?

[runnerblade95]

This may or may not seem like a ridiculous question but I’m going to ask it anyway.

DH and I have been discussing the possibility of starting to try for DC2.

No issues with fertility or conception as far as I know, but that was 4 years ago and I’ve had medical issues since then, gained weight and so on.

Is 33 too young to have your second child?

If the answer is No, then is it okay to bring a second child into the home with DD being 3.5 now so likely around 5 by the time DC2 is born?

I’m concerned about age gap, but DH isn’t concerned about age gap. I’m concerned about them sharing a room, especially if DC2 is a boy. We currently live in a 2 bed and no prospect of upsizing in the next 5-8 years (dependant on DH career aspects and mine also).

Please any stories about opposite sex children sharing bedrooms that may make me feel a little better and less horrible please and thank you?!

P.S. Of course it is 50/50 so I absolutely could have a girl in which case, sharing a room is a non-factor or issue.

TIA

Eh? That is a totally normal age to have a first second third etc child and a totally normal age gap… I think you are overthinking this

* I’m concerned about them sharing a room, especially if DC2 is a boy.

Just to clarify, I don’t have an issue with same sex DC’s sharing a room ie if I were to have a DD instead of DS.

Thanks so much for your reply but , what about if it’s a boy? Can they share rooms or rather, should they share rooms? If so, until what age until it would be deemed inappropriate?

Primary school kids are fine sharing a room ime.

Once they get to secondary age then having their own space is really handy. Is it possible for you to upgrade to a 3 bed once your oldest is 11ish?

Just seen that dc1 is a girl- girls these days can end up having their periods at age 9/10 so maybe not suitable to share until 11.

My dd (nearly 8) and ds ( just 6) share very happily. Dd actually has her own room but prefers to share the bunk bed with her brother. I reckon they’ll share for another year or so. They are close in age and close. Not sure if DS will want to share with his younger sister though. She’s 3.9 years younger. But we’ll see. I think your age and age gap are. Non-issues and housing can be changed in a few years if it’s really a problem.

You don’t seem to be sure whether you’re too young or too old, but 33 is neither and a perfectly normal age to have a child!

Opposite sex children can share a room until age 10 according to social housing rules so this all seems a non-issue. If you can afford a bigger place by then then great.

Potentially, yes.

DH is climbing the ladder so to speak in terms of his career. And I will be back in full-time work by the time DD starts Reception in September 2023.

Meaning that hypothetically speaking, if DH and I conceived, say, tomorrow, by some miracle, closest age gap would be …

Let me find my calculator 😆

”DC2” would have a due date of February 17th 2023, approximately of course.

Making the age gap spot on 4 and some days.

So when DC1 turns 5 in 2024, DC2 would be turning 1 merely weeks later.

Anyway, gone off on a tangent there, sorry about that! 😅

Upsizing currently isn’t an option but will be done if absolutely necessary.

@piglet81 Opposite sex children can share a room until age 10 according to social housing rules so this all seems a non-issue. If you can afford a bigger place by then then great.

Thanks for this information, much appreciated. I will look into this.

I'd take into account how your DD will feel having her private space invaded by a baby. That sounds like a recipe for resentment to me, and if you get a poor sleeper could be very disruptive to her. Would you have wanted to share your room, which had always been your own personal space, with a toddler when you were 6 or 7?

If I were you, I'd be factoring in keeping DC2 in your room for the first 2-3 years at least, if not longer, or looking for creative solutions to give you more space.

33 is a perfectly normal age and the age gap between the two is fine.

However, I’d think carefully about the room
sharing. Your eldest could well be very resentful and feel pushed out. I was in a similar position and it meant I hated having friends round as I was ashamed at our small house and the fact I had to share. They might not feel that way but wanted to share from that perspective.

You don’t seem sure - why is it you want a second? If it’s just because ‘it’s the done thing’ don’t do it!

Hope it's not too old as I'm 36 and about to have DC2!

The space thing would concern me more, I think, but I'm sure it's doable.

@MolliciousIntent Would you have wanted to share your room, which had always been your own personal space, with a toddler when you were 6 or 7?

This is what I needed to hear and the answer is an absolute NO. I would not have wanted to share my personal space with a toddler aged 6/7. Thank you so much for such a blunt (and obvious, ashamed I hadn’t thought of this first) response to my dilemma.

@Mushroo You don’t seem sure - why is it you want a second? If it’s just because ‘it’s the done thing’ don’t do it!

Thank you for asking these difficult but necessary and relevant questions.

I do want a second, I really do.

My apprehension to go ahead and do so is more based on space.

If I only have 2 bedrooms to offer and DD has one of those rooms to herself (which I always wanted as a child which is why I provided that for her), then what happens if and when DC2 comes along, regardless of the sex of the baby.

DD is automatically and quite rightfully so, going to end up with these feelings of resentment and this baby “taking up her space”.

To the PP that asked, yes, there’s definitely space for a cot in mine and DH’s room for I would say up to 2 years because DD could climb out of her cot and was ready for a single bed by 2.5 years old! 🥴

So… I’m honestly not sure. I feel torn. I want another little one but my DD’s happiness and well-being is equally if not more important to me at this point.

Which I guess I have just inadvertently answered my own question. 😔