My mum ignores my toddler but angry he doesn't like her at loss

[fifiKma]

I need some suggestions on how to handle a situation with my mum and wee toddler.

My mum and I have been close for much of my adult life. She has been desperate for a grandkid for years. When my son was newborn and I had PP anxiety my mum helped me a lot.

The issue is she sees him only every month or two but never wants to spend time alone with him. Ignores him and avoids him.

Eg. He throws her a ball and she acts like she didn't see him. We bring him to the kitchen for breakfast she says hello then leaves the room.
She never wants to babysit. I really dont mind about that my sister loves him and my MIL adores spending time with him. Mum's not a kid person and already raised two so no worries. It does irk me a bit when she mentions how we loved our grandma's who looked after us constantly!

The only issues I have are she is angry that he doesn't like her. I explained he's a toddler and only likes people who play and take care of him. She says she's afraid, tired, busy working, he hates her. Different reasons every time. She does have bipolar which can be a challenge.

Does anyone have any experience or advice. I don't know how to mediate. My husband is pretty out of joint about it all.

If your mum is this way with children then how do you have a good relationship with her? Is there something you can draw from your own relationship and upbringing ie: something you did together growing up that was a memorable or bonding experience that she could do with her grandchild?

if she’s afraid can someone not assist the interaction such as if the child brings you a book could you say ‘why dont you ask nanny if she wants to read you a story?’

tired and busy aren’t really excuses that would wash with me as the adults have to lead the effort or the child has no ability to build that relationship.
ultimately she really has to meet you half way and either make some effort with her grandchild or simply accept that they will have no relationship, why does she expect him to like her if she hasn’t spent the time with him?

Also maybe if she’s not confident alone with him could you all spend time together and keep involving her by making suggestions for playing with her grandchild.
when I suggested the ‘why don’t you ask nanny if she wants to read a story?’ It’s something that often works in my childcare jobs with younger students and staff members as it gives them suggestions and lets them know what they could do without me just instructing them and making them feel too judged or watched.