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Original poster

Prejudice remark said to DD........what to do???

28 replies

hoopmatrix · 15/05/2022 20:20

HI all! So I'm unsure what to do.
My 7 yr old DD's friend said to her on Friday 'I don't want to be friends with you if you're a muslim'. They had somehow got talking about religion at lunch time, DD is muslim and it seems her friend didn't know this until this week. DD was so shocked she didn't know what to say so just walked off.
So, I am friendly with girls Mum and they do stuff outside of school etc. This is totally unacceptable and DD should not have to accept this. She has been very up and down this weekend and said to me she feels insulted and that her family have also been insulted. I feel so awful for her.
Should I talk to the school or talk to the Mum???? concerned fi I talk to the school they will call the Mum, then she will say why didn't I speak with her first etc (hopefully after apologising for her DD hurtful comments and speaking with her about it)
Any ideas gratefully received. Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
hoopmatrix · 15/05/2022 20:22

I should add the girl apologised after lunch but only because another girl told her she should 😞

OP posts:
Jofergo · 15/05/2022 20:26

I would raise it with the school. You might not get a good reception if you raise it with her Mum (equally she may be horrified).

LetitiaLeghorn · 15/05/2022 20:28

Did she say why being a Muslim would stop her wanting to be friends?

User0ne · 15/05/2022 20:29

If you've spoken to the mum before and she seems ok then I'd mention it to her - she might be mortified. If not I'd raise it with school.

YouCantTourniquetTheTaint · 15/05/2022 20:30

I'm so sorry your DD was told that.

The "friend" learned that from somewhere, personally I'd go to the school rather than the parents, this is because teachers and support staff are trained in inclusion, and can talk about why saying something like that is so hurtful and prejudiced in an age appropriate way.

Yeah they may tell the parents, but kids don't come out with stuff like that out of vacuum. It's probably likely that the kid has been exposed to it at home, on the TV, radio or unfortunately from her family.

BungleandGeorge · 15/05/2022 20:32

You’re friends with the mum, the two girls spend time together out of school. So presumably you’ve not picked up any prejudice coming from them before?. 7 year olds get all sorts of misunderstandings and odd ideas in their head. Someone just needs to have a word with her and find out what she thought she was doing. I think you could approach the mum in this instance. Or if you don’t feel comfortable ask the school to speak to her. I doubt they would get the mum involved

Original poster
hoopmatrix · 15/05/2022 20:34

I think she would be horrified as I'm sure most parents would be. Just concerned that if the school call her it looks like I didn't trust she would speak with her dd about it or deal with the situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
hoopmatrix · 15/05/2022 20:35

BungleandGeorge · 15/05/2022 20:32

You’re friends with the mum, the two girls spend time together out of school. So presumably you’ve not picked up any prejudice coming from them before?. 7 year olds get all sorts of misunderstandings and odd ideas in their head. Someone just needs to have a word with her and find out what she thought she was doing. I think you could approach the mum in this instance. Or if you don’t feel comfortable ask the school to speak to her. I doubt they would get the mum involved

She didn't realise she was muslim until the other day.

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MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2022 20:36

I am friendly with girls Mum and they do stuff outside of school etc.

Do you believe it's unlikely to be her then? Is there a dad around? Other carers, older siblings?

I'd be tempted to talk to the mum to tell her you're raising it with the school. In a nice way, "I don't think she got this from you so I think the school need to know in case there's an issue there" sort of thing.

Summerholidayorcovidagain · 15/05/2022 20:37

Go via school op. If the dm says anything just say when dd started school you made a mental note to let school deal with any issues whatsoever
.
You won't regret it ime.

Original poster
hoopmatrix · 15/05/2022 20:37

hoopmatrix · 15/05/2022 20:35

She didn't realise she was muslim until the other day.

Show quote history

The thing is I think they would get parents involved as this is quite a serious comment to make. Equal to saying you wouldn't be friend because of the colour of someones skin. Schools take this stuff seriously. Don't want to blow it up to a huge thing, but my dd is really upset - as am I. But the girl needs to know she can't; say this stuff

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MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2022 20:37

X-posted. So it could be mum then Sad

BungleandGeorge · 15/05/2022 20:39

hoopmatrix · 15/05/2022 20:34

I think she would be horrified as I'm sure most parents would be. Just concerned that if the school call her it looks like I didn't trust she would speak with her dd about it or deal with the situation.

It happened at school though so they could well have found out without your intervention. If all the kids were talking about religion I wonder if the conversation relates to something they’ve been working on at school. It might be a good idea for the school to think about doing some extra discussion with the entire class,

Petronus · 15/05/2022 20:41

YouCantTourniquetTheTaint · 15/05/2022 20:30

I'm so sorry your DD was told that.

The "friend" learned that from somewhere, personally I'd go to the school rather than the parents, this is because teachers and support staff are trained in inclusion, and can talk about why saying something like that is so hurtful and prejudiced in an age appropriate way.

Yeah they may tell the parents, but kids don't come out with stuff like that out of vacuum. It's probably likely that the kid has been exposed to it at home, on the TV, radio or unfortunately from her family.

Not necessarily from the parents. I remember my reception age dc coming home after a school RE lesson and saying he couldn’t be friends with Mohammed anymore because he didn’t believe in Jesus. We don’t believe in Jesus, and were flipping horrified. We had to go to school and ask them to backtrack over the RE lesson. It’s weird how kids interpret things sometimes. If the mum seems like a decent human, have a quick word and see how she responds. Chances are she’ll jump at the chance to set dc straight.

Staynow · 15/05/2022 20:44

Could your daughter tell the teacher what happened? If not I would go to the teacher and tell her - if you're concerned about the mum then say that too.

Watapalava · 15/05/2022 20:53

If you’re friendly with the mum there’s no way I’d go school first as such a cowardly thing to do

Houseplantmad · 15/05/2022 20:56

Talk to the mum and suggest you go to the school together. It sounds like her DC has misinterpreted a discussion at school.

FreetheKhalo · 15/05/2022 21:15

Go to the school and if the Mum says anything tell her you had planned to bring it up but she just got in first (if you want to). Then explain you’ve gone to the school because they can investigate what actually happened because of other kids being there. That way it gives her the opportunity to talk to her daughter but you don’t feel in the middle and you can be assured it will be dealt with properly at school.

sunflowerdaisyrose · 15/05/2022 21:58

If this is the first thing of concern I'd talk to the mum first, or the same time. I had to get school to intervene in something between my child and another and, as I was friendly with the mum and knew she'd be upset by what her daughter had been doing, I told her too and she backed up what the school were doing.

I hope your daughter is ok.

Shelby2010 · 15/05/2022 22:13

I think you should go through the teacher. It happened in school & there were other kids who were witness to it. You can say to the teacher that you don’t know what had got in to the other child because they are normally good friends.

You could give the other mum a heads up by saying something like ‘Did x tell you that they fell out on Friday? I had to speak to Miss Y about it this morning as Z is still upset & I want her to keep an eye on things.’

Original poster
hoopmatrix · 15/05/2022 22:20

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2022 20:37

X-posted. So it could be mum then Sad

What does x-posted mean? Sorry

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JellyBellies · 15/05/2022 22:24

I would tell the school and let them deal with it how they see fit. I would t say anything to the parent. Schools are used to negotiating this territory and can explain in an age appropriate way.

fallfallfall · 15/05/2022 22:30

okay maybe the same maybe different but i know some religions don't like the children playing with others of different faiths. JW, Mennonite, Jewish Orthodox tend to dissuade playing with non members around that age.

Neverreturntoathread · 15/05/2022 22:33

Start with the school. They can and should do some religious education of that girl’s class to help clarify a few things…

LetitiaLeghorn · 15/05/2022 22:38

hoopmatrix · 15/05/2022 22:20

What does x-posted mean? Sorry

Show quote history

It means you both posted at the same time so your response didn't take into consideration any information that was in the post submitted at the same time.