Is this normal

[jubileeeee]

I feel so guilty I love my 4mo baby so much

she isn’t sleeping well at the moment or napping well so of a night I’m up at least once an hour, which I get isn’t the worst but I am very tired

I don’t know if it’s sleep deprived me but I miss some bits I could do pre baby

so for example my brother just came back off holiday and said he’s jet lag so just chilled all day and slept great that night

I thought “wish I could have a good sleep” then instantly felt so guilty I love my baby so much I don’t wish I never had her I love being her mum more than anything

is it normal to want to be able to sleep and chill as and when like I used to? I feel so guilty for thinking that thought I love my baby so much why did I even think about what I did with my free time before her

It’s normal
your grieving your ‘old’ life,you’ve had no Kip and it’s hard work!
you can love your baby and still miss the things you used to do
i remember with no3-I swear that kid slept for 20 minutes over 6 months-I loved him with every fibre of my being
but what I wouldn’t have given to go back 4 years and sleep,uninterrupted for a full night
it seems never ending right now but it does get better as they get older

Absolutely normal. Apart from missing parts of your pre-baby life, it'd be quite odd for a sleep-deprived mother not to think “wish I could have a good sleep” from time to time! Don't waste an ounce of energy feeling guilty about this!

It's normal to feel like this. I felt like someone had torn up my life into small pieces and handed it back to me in a bag with a big handful missing plus a load of extras chucked in for good measure, and left to try to stick it all back together. It will get pieced back together in time. I found a loud kitchen disco whilst cooking dinner (DH would be upstairs bathing the baby) helped glimpse a bit of my old self and was really therapeutic.
How can you get more sleep? Everything's easier with sleep! Can you sack off some meet ups to veg, ignore the housework, and catch every bit of daytime nap possible? Can your DP take the baby in the evenings so you can get an early night and bank some sleep before the 'fun' begins? Could DP do the nightshift on a Friday or Saturday?

It is completely normal to want to sleep when you're exhausted, even if you love your baby.

OP, the amount of guilt you've expressed in this post is really quite disproportionate, and from an outside perspective it looks as though you might be experiencing some disordered thinking around this - it could just be sleep deprivation but it could also be PND or something similar, so if I were you I'd be calling your HV or GP for a really honest chat about this, and seeing if they think you could do with a bit of extra support for your MH.

Totally normal. You are allowed to be compassionate towards yourself, in fact it’s essential you are! A new baby is very tough in so many ways. Hang in there and don’t give yourself a hard time

Thank you everyone I feel a bit better I just always feel guilty when I get thoughts like that

Its sometimes when my brother mentions stuff he’s doing as he’s got a gf they don’t have kids so just do everything in their own time and I think I miss that a little bit but it really hurts me to say I feel so horrible saying it

the other day I thought I feel like I have less freedom but I cried because my baby is my life I they’re not trapping me in any way why did I think thag

You are allowed to both be happy at what you now have and still mourn your former life. Regardless of what you've gained, you have lost a number of things, although thankfully most are a temporary loss. Grab the moments back where you can, even if they need to be shorter or less spontaneous (the latter won't return for a long time, sadly). Hence my kitchen discos: blast some tunes, dance like no one is watching and remember you are still a person outside of your new mum role.

Maybe tell your brother how you're feeling - he may not realise he's possibly being a bit tactless.

@jubileeeee you cried because you felt so guilty that you very briefly felt jealous of the freedom your brother has?

Lovely, please speak to your GP or HV and get some support, this is not a normal reaction.