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Oh dear - Lost my rag with DS2 at football and now I think his friends' parents think I'm a monster!

9 replies

Embarrassed · 11/01/2008 17:35

I'd had a realy cr*p day last Sat.
The kids had been bickering and fighting since about 7 a.m. We'd had numerous chats about 'good behaviour' already throughout the day.
DH & I took the boys to football training and he went with the older one to one pitch to watch and 'coach' from the side, and I was left with DS2 (5).

Anyway, DS2 was whingeing from the outset - and kept coming off the pitch to tell me his hands were cold, socks falling down, someone had pushed him, this wasn't fair, that wasn't fair....
I was standing talking to the Mum of one of his (new last term) school friends, and I was getting annoyed and embarrassed that her son was just happily getting on with things while mine was constantly demanding attention, so I kept just sending him back, after a quick cuddle/ check etc telling him not to be so soft etc etc.

Anyway after about 20 minutes of this, and while I was chatting, he suddenly came off the pitch shouting at me angrily, "you're not watching me, you're just talking all the time, stop talking, watch me mummy" and he was actually sort of hitting me to get attention

So I took him a few yards away, crouched down to his level, and said 'stop shouting, I can talk to my friends'. But he kept going on at me, so I put my hand over his mouth (to physically stop him shouting) and said 'Shut Up, will you? I've had enough of this now, OK'

I wouoldn't normally tell my children to 'shut up' - we don't like it, and will say 'be quiet' instead, but I don't know what got into me - I was just soooo angry and frustrated by his behaviour.
I didn't hit him or anything.

But I was shocked and embarrassed, and when I went back to chat to his friend's Mum she gave me a bit of a strange look.
I muttered something about having had a really bad day with them, how they'd been winding me up etc, how he'd really pressed the wrong buttons etc.
And THEN she started dispensing parenting advice, making suggestions about how I could have handled it differently etc.
And it wasn't in an entirely helpful way either!

Anyway, I thought that was the end of it, but I saw her at school today, and was asking her if she wanted me to take her son to a party, and she visibly backed off and made some obviously made-up excuse.
She's one of the really well-networked Mums at the school, so I expect they've all heard the story now!

How on earth am I going to convince them that this was a one-off, and I'm not normally so angry?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Saturn74 · 11/01/2008 17:40

You don't need to convince them do you?

Surely if it was a one-off, they will see that you don't normally behave like that.

And you don't have to prove anything to them.

Maybe you need to rethink the football for DS2 though? Tis very cold for a 5 year old to be playing outside at this time of year.
Is there another club that has indoor facilities maybe?

TsarChasm · 11/01/2008 17:45

Don't you just so hope that she has a bad day in full public view soon?! (And odds on she will!)

Everyone has bad days with their children sometimes. What you did wasn't so bad - you were at the end of you tether.

It's happened to me too. What 'perfect mum' hears and sees (they're always just passing at the wrong moment I've noticed) is the end of a long day of playing up and you eventually crack.

I can't see there's any more to be said on the subject to her or anyone else.

She sounds awful.

branflake81 · 11/01/2008 18:14

She probably meant well and was just trying to help.

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Embarrassed · 11/01/2008 19:24

She only has the one son, and a baby daughter. I think she's yet to experience the full horror of two lively children couped up at home on a wet day .

I just felt so bad about the 'shut up' bit - like a fishwife!

OP posts:
Talk2Me · 15/01/2008 12:03

I sympathise. We don't say 'shut up' either as a rule, but occasionally it slips out in sheer desperation! You are the anchor in your kids' lives - don't worry what anyone else thinks of you - your kids know what you are usually like on a day to day basis and it's only in extreme moments of provocation that you snap. Forgive yourself - I have to tell myself that often. We all crack sometimes but hey, the world's still going round ...

OrmIrian · 15/01/2008 12:07

Woman's a freak!

And if she's never been in that siutation with her DCs they have to be Stepford children.

Please don't worry about it. I refuse to beleive that all the women she has 'networked' with thought 'how shocking' rather than 'and?..'.

dooley1 · 15/01/2008 12:09

we don't say shut up to the kids but we do to each other so it was a bit of a wake up call when 3 year old ds told me to shut up the other day

I know exactly how you feel but please don't worry, they'll see your a great mum as time goes by

nametaken · 15/01/2008 12:32

Don't worry - as another poster said the same thing WILL happen to her one day.

A neighbour of mine (perfect mother, school governor, teaching assistant blah blah blah) used to look down her nose at me when she heard me screaming at the kids when the window was open one summer day.

About 4 years later on a busy Saturday she was shouting and smacking her kid whilst trying to control 3 of them and load up her small car with shopping in a supermarket. I'm ashamed to say I enjoyed the little scene immensely and your day will come soon don't worry.

But don't do what I did and just carry on walking - make sure she sees you and smile patronisingly at her.

eeewahwoowah · 15/01/2008 12:46

are you sure she really backed off and made an excuse or are you just feeling sensitive because of what happened?

To be honest the use of the phrase 'shut up' wouldn't bother me. i'd be more concerned about putting a hand over another person's mouth to prevent them from talking.

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