Help me help my son make friends and be more resilient…!

[OnceuponaRainbow18]

My son is in reception and is a lovely friendly but super emotional guy. He went to nursery since he was 10 months old but has always preferred to be with me, his dad or grandparents. He’s in reception now and isn’t happy. He started off ok and now everyday is a drag to get him in, says he has stomach ache, says he’s stupid, says no one likes him etc etc.

I am at a loss really… any ideas?

It is heartbreaking, stupidly I have left him have some days off which have made it worse!

Talk to his teacher. Let her know how he feels. Ask if there are any particular things that he doesn't cope well with.

Can you organise any play dates? Are there any out of school activities where he would meet up with one or two of his class mates, like a swimming lesson or soft play?

My ds had the same problem and I used to take him to the local park after school where a couple of the other mums would sit with flasks of coffee while the DCS played on the swings.

Anything to give him a bit more social time with you around for confidence.

This book www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B079RLPL9M/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1 is written by the most influentual psychologist in the world on the topic

He is essentially the godfather of positive psychology and resilience. All work since is based on this book/ his work

Thank you! I will get that book.

He says he hates assemblies, sitting on the carpet, writing sentences, he hates reading, he hates the food, he says others won’t let him play, and that everyone has a best friend…!!

so sadly not one issue!!!!!!

My DS was the same, it took him a long time to settle into the routine of school everyday. I'm not saying this is my best parenting, but I told him that he can only have time off school if he really is ill, because mummy has to tell the school and the police could come around check to see if mummy is telling the truth 😬 Despite this, I try to be very positive about school, I acknowledge his feelings and give a positive spin. So he doesn't like the meat that day, I say well I bet pudding was delicious or you can choose what you want as a snack when you get home. Or well done for trying it, we can choose the vegetarian option next time or the jacket potato.

I try to be positive in the mornings and not use the LATE word, it's very hard, I try to motivate, as he drags his feet a bit, but we mix it up, walking, scooting, bike, going a different way. But I found he was getting anxious when I stressed about being late. One day after school he gets to go to the shop and choose something. So he has some control over his day.

The playing at school we haven't mastered really, but my Ds has a speech issue, so assuming your DS is ok with that and hearing then it's just finding the right friends. I think from what the teacher said in reception it's very normal ( especially for boys) to be quite transient in friendships, unless she was just appeasing me ? Lots of friendships seemed to be from nursery or preschool and we came new into the area.

Was your DS in nursery 5 days a week?

@gymNamaste

thanks for sharing! He was at nursery 5 days a week and throughout lockdowns.

lots of kids for his nursery went to his school but he did not end up in a class with any- so he found that tough.

It’s really sad seeing them struggle with something that I thought would be fun!

@OnceuponaRainbow18 no problem. My DS is in year one and they allow football at lunchtime which he plays which has helped. ( This wasn't allowed in the reception area. ) DS wasn't interested at all back then when he wasn't seeing football, but once he got into year one then he wanted to learn, he started going to football training at the weekend.

I am surprised that the school did not put in a class with anyone he knows from nursery. Ours knew which children were at which nurseries and made sure they were not alone.
Going forward, I would do what previous posters have suggested - play dates to try to build up friendships with one or two others. You have to approach people and offer a visit to yours after school. Invite parent and any siblings.
Don’t let him stay home if he’s not ill. Try and be as positive as you can if he moans about everything.
Talk to the teacher but to be honest in my experience they usually underplay things like this, telling you nothing is wrong when sometimes they are quite isolated so I’d focus on helping him make a couple of friends out of school time.

@Maray1967

yea I was so surprised, I even called after to ask why and they didn’t really have a reason. Then I panicked people might have asked not to be with him!!! I think yesterday was slightly better 🤞🏾🤞🏾 So emotionally tough! Yes I think sending him in is better but I must have I have let him stay home about 6 times! 😬

Good to hear that he was better on Thursday and hope it carried on yesterday.
I doubt anyone asked that your son not be with their DC - more likely that the school didn’t think more carefully about the class allocation. Ive just remembered that one of mine was put in a class with no one else he knew in year 7 when they had said they would try not to do that. I rang up and he was moved . But I am surprised that reception classes are not thought about more carefully.