2.5 year old DS is making me miserable

[elliebb92]

I'd love to know if anyone else is in my shoes.
DS is my first child (I haven't yet braved having a second although do want to soon) and he's always been hard work. I don't mean in terms in sleep which I'm lucky with, but his character is difficult quite a lot of the time.
From 6 months old I could see he was more frustrated than the other babies. He's fine in terms of development (albeit he's always the last to reach a milestone in our group of friends) but what I mean is he hasn't got ASD or anything.

This morning I have had to put him in his bed 3 times. One for throwing cars at me when I asked him not to, one for not allowing me to clean up his breakfast mess whilst he's shouting "PLAY PLAY PLAY" and the last time was him going nuts over a draw that wouldn't open so he was screaming to high heaven instead of asking for help.
I did suffer with PND and I know I struggled to bond with him at the start which I always worry is a contributing factor to his behaviour now. But I'm in tears right now feeling like everyone I know has an easier ride than me even with 2 kids. Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself :-/

Agree with all above advice. You need to read some books/ speak to a parenting coach who can help you understand your child and some basic helpful parenting responses.

Seek help for your mental health.

Also nb just because your child has met his milestones so far does not mean he cannot have ASD or adhd. He sounds like he could be a typical toddler but also quite a handful so I would not rule that out if you continue to have concerns.

I agree with everyone else, I'm afraid. Unless there's more, the examples you've given are quite typical behaviour for that age. I used to regularly have to carry a screaming planking DC under my arm away from whatever shop/park/playground we were in at that moment. The only thing on your list I would have particularly minded is the throwing cars (and the cars would have been taken away). The lack of patience and ability to emotionally regulate is typical for that age.

One thing I found useful with my DC so just suggesting it in case it's any good for you was having a small tuff tray in the kitchen with lots of interesting bits and pieces on it (nothing fancy, just stuff from the cupboard, some bowls, spoons and dried pasta, or a few jigsaws, things like that). When I was in the kitchen cooking or tidying, DC would naturally go over to 'his' table and start fiddling around with what was on it, which would keep him amused and out from under my feet, at least for a little while.

Agree. Please don't keep putting him in his bed. He is too young to understand what you are trying to do and then it makes bedtime very confusing for him. It's not really a punishment either - he gets to sit in his bed/in his room with his toys etc.
His behaviour is perfectly normal, young children can struggle to connect their feelings and wants to the language they need. He is still learning lots of vocabulary and trying to process lots of new experiences, feelings etc all at the same time. So sometimes this comes out as a shout or scream as his brain can't quite connect the dots.
Please be more understanding of him.

Why OP when you're struggling this much with one very typical sounding child would you consider adding another into the mix. Two are far harder than one.

It’s not about gentle parenting etc, if that’s not your vibe, just understanding age appropriate behaviour and not picking every hill to die on.

I agree, but that is exactly what "gentle parenting" is. Understanding age appropriate behaviour which is entirely linked to their speech and language level , which at age 2.5 is very limited.

Verbal reasoning doesn't fully develop till around 5-6 even 7.

2yo are hard work OP. There's been some good advice on this thread, I just wanted to say it's ok to not have a clue what you're doing. I remember sitting with DH after yet another shit day of toddler wrangling (whilst in a pandemic and being pregnant) and just being like what the fuck are we doing wrong?! A big thing for me was noticing patterns in his behaviour - we would always have huge tantrums before bed so we started with a different bedtime routine for example that sped up the process and gave him more choices

Having a load of different techniques and what to manage behaviour is really important and some days it just is saying "sod it" and playing cars while ignoring the state of your kitchen. There's always later.