DS bit another child at childminders

[Mummyongin]

Firstly I’m full of guilt and mortified, so obviously need time and space to think reasonably about what to do. But other perspectives might be useful too so hoping some of you can share.

He is 2 and has a history of occasional biting his older sister, mostly accidental in that it was play and he didn’t realise he got her skin. But twice before it was potentially purposeful (once at home with sister it was her birthday so think attention related, once at childminder but just got jumper so wasn’t flagged as major - don’t know details). Possibly relevant he is on waiting list for autism assessment.

Today at pick up the childminder told me he bit another child on purpose badly. The situation she described was he was encouraged to come in at drop off with talk of a new digger but said digger was in another child’s hands. My son took it and the childminder asked him to return it but he didn’t so she took it and gave it back, then she turned her back and he bit the child who had the digger.

Apparently he bit another child later in the day but just got clothes, so no damage done. She said he’s had “a lot of quiet time” today (I think they have to sit on the step with the childminder) so possibly other incidents too I’m not sure.

Since pick up he’s been very upset and irritable, like he doesn’t know what he wants but everything is the wrong thing if that makes sense. And overtired (missed his nap).

I’ve asked to chat with the childminder, my first thoughts are to ask her to call if it happens again and my DH or I will pick him up to stop the day getting worse and more incidents. I’m wondering if we need to discuss/work out why it’s happening and/or consistent response? Any other thoughts? And do you think he could be dropped by the childminder if it happens again? What would I do then?

He's 2, biting is normal.

I work in a nursery. Biting is an everyday occurrence.

I'm not sure that picking him up early is a good idea, he might see that as a reward? The best thing you can do is work with the childminder, ask her how you can support her in dealing with this.

It is horrible when you have a biter, I had one and so glad the other 3 didn't do it but it is a phase and they grow out of it.

I think the childminder made a mistake telling him about the digger and then he couldn't have it, bound to upset a 2 year old.

Annoying as it is, some children bite at that age.

DD was a biter. One day we received no fewer than seven incident reports for biting, in seven different occurrences, seven different kids (only ever boys). We got and incident most days.

She did bite at home, but very rarely.

We did all the things you're supposed to do:

1. We had a unified approach of "no, that hurts, we don't bite"


2. We read various no-biting books to her (Your Teeth Are Not For Biting was the only I'd recommend)


3. We gave her words to use when she felt frustrated instead of biting (she was very verbal at 2yo, late walker, early talker)


4. We gave her physical toys to get those same 'squishing' sensations with

We also did something you're not 'supposed' to do, which was yell really loud at her about how unacceptable and serious biting is (that made no difference either).

And nothing worked, for what seemed like months - we became known as the parents of the biting child. It was so embarrassing. But then, it's almost as if we couldn't feel MORE embarrassed, and that feeling plateaued, and we came to realise that as we weren't in her childcare setting with her, there was nothing more we could do.

She didn't stop suddenly, but over the course of months, she bit less and less - and now, age 5yo she can't BELIEVE she used to bite, she's shocked when we tell her.

And she is (as far as we can tell) bright, sociable, and neurotypical. She was just a biter.

Sorry for the essay, and your DS may not get as bitey as my DD - but I just wanted to empathise.

*an incident

Just to reassure you, we had a few biting incidents with my daughter at nursery when she was around the same age. At that age they can't process or articulate their emotions effectively and in some children it comes out in violent behaviour instead. My daughter is 4 now and developmentally normal in all ways - no more biting luckily!

In terms of what to do, nursery would remove her from the situation and explain calmly that we don't hurt people because it makes them sad. We did the same at home if she showed any signs of biting/hitting etc.

I'm not sure taking him home is the right thing to do, as then he'll learn that hurting people means he gets to go home with his parent/s which he might quite like!

I'm sure someone more knowledgeable will give better advice, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone and it's normal!

Lots of sympathy here too, OP, we had a biter and it was mortifying. As PP says we too did everything (and worked hard with CM and preschool). Preschool had to man mark him until they spotted his triggers. He stopped aged about 3.5.

He has recently (age 9) been diagnosed with ASD and looking back it was when he was either overwhelmed (these days he will take himself off or bury himself under a blanket) or had been massively wound up (in your case being promised a much desired toy and then denied it might well have done it!).

My DS has been bitten three times at nursery. Obviously not ideal, but it does happen and is normal.

It's horrible but he's 2, he was cross, he couldn't rationalise why he couldn't have what he wants, he has absolutely no impulse control and bit. All very, very normal. All you can do is remind him that we don't bite when we're cross and offering alternatives, like a poster above said.
I think I would be focusing more on the chilminder using time out with a 2 year old that has no impulse control and really checking that she was with him and what they were doing as any punishment is pointless at this age.

My ds has sen but he is a biter at age 8 he is developmentally behind so my advice is speak to the childminder see if there were any signs leading to the bite and redirect admittedly it doesn't always work I got bit on Sunday my response is always teeth out of my arm please 😂 but I am used to it I redirect his biting onto a cloth he likes to bite other children redirect onto other things but you need to observe first

Thanks it’s good to hear we’re not alone. I feel particularly awful that apparently he broke the skin so it was a really nasty bite.

I understand the concerns about picking him up. My thinking is based on what the childminder said and his behaviour after pick up which suggested he had a total meltdown of a day and couldn’t cope.

I will certainly ask the childminder what we can do to help her. She must have had a difficult time.

Does he need to be encouraged to go into the CM’s? I can’t get over how anyone can invite a child in to see an exciting toy that the CM knew he’d love, so he has that picture in his head and it’s strong enough to get him through the door - then “taunt“ him with a child holding it and not letting him have it. That’s how he will see it. No wonder he lashed out. And it’s still only the beginning of the day!

I too question the “lots of quiet time” for a 2 year old.

My little one bit another child at that age (thankfully it was Christmas jumper Day so it didn’t go through to the skin). The nursery gave us a plan to help it not happen again (positive reinforcement, explaining we don’t bite etc). It worked.

it does seem unfair they encouraged your boy inside with the promise of a toy and then he wasn’t allowed it. How is a two year old meant to understand that?